Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Query Letter Writing - The Dreaded Middle

First we interrupt this blog to say "Holy brown cows, Batman!! Over 100 comments yesterday?"

There will be prizes for that. Like 100 prizes, don't you think? There's a couple problems with this idea. 1. I'm not what you would call a millionaire. 2. What could I give away to say I love you with all my heart without landing me in the poor house? Thoughts? Cuz you guys so deserve something.

And onto the real post for today.

Okay, so we've gone over the first and last sentence. The first and last paragraphs. Now all you need to do is flesh out the middle.

This is where some of you wedge yourself in a swamp, so take heed. I mean, nobody wants more fat in their middle, right? Right.

Some tips to keep your query lean and mean.

1. Limit the number of characters you name. I think a good number is 1-2 more, if necessary. You've got your MC, and probably a secondary MC. I name both of those in mine. I might or might not name the villain and that's it. We don't need the full cast, it simply takes up too much room and weighs us down with unneeded proper nouns.

2. Get to the conflict and the consequence. Don't bog us down in the unnecessary. We don't need to know everything in the query. Just the bare bones, the main plot to the major consequence (which is why I recommend writing the query before the book). So stick with that.

Use a sentence or two for the setup. Then lay out the major conflict. Note how I said major. What does your MC have to lose? Give me that, and really give it to me.

Then answer: What happens if your MC doesn't overcome the conflict? That's called a consequence. Leave me hanging off a cliff, salivating to read more. Oh yeah. Like that. (Some of you don't ever get to the consequence. It's omitted for some reason. What that reason is, I have no idea. You've got to lay out the consequence, okay? Okay.)

3. I swear I had three bullet points when I was in the shower, but now I can't think of it. Like, at all. Dangitall.

Here's my full query blurb (181 words - Janet Reid would be proud). I made the middle bold.
In a world where Thinkers brainwash the population and Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a hell of a job shattering them to pieces.

After committing her eighth crime (walking in the park after dark with a boy, gasp!), Vi is taken to the Green, a group of Thinkers who control the Goodgrounds. She’s found unrehabilitatable (yeah, she doesn’t think it’s a word either) and exiled to the Badlands—until she demonstrates her brainwashing abilities. That earns her a one-way trip to appear before the Association of Directors.

Yeah, right. Like that’s gonna happen. She busts out of prison with sexy Bad boy Jag Barque, who also has no intention of fulfilling his lame sentence.

Dodging Greenies and hovercopters, dealing with absent-father issues, and coming to terms with feelings for an ex-boyfriend—and Jag as a possible new one—leave Vi little time for much else. Which is too damn bad, because she’s more important than she realizes.
When secrets about her “dead” sister and not-so-missing father hit the fan, Vi must make a choice: control or be controlled.

Next week: Capturing the voice in your query. Seriously, if you can craft a good first and last sentence, nail your opening and closing paragraphs, and keep the middle slim, all you need is the voice and your query will be a winner!

53 comments:

  1. This is so good and oh so helpful. What if your MC is your villian? Yes, seriously.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks!! I've been struggling with the middle. Yes, I have your book. Yes, it's helped. I'm still struggling. I'm taking a day this weekend to totally devote to my query. Arrrrgghhhh!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm ready to read your book now!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Elana,

    First off I want to say thanks for doing this. I'm a logical thinker and I appreciate your approach to query letters. Second, I think your blog rocks. I look forward to reading your funnies.

    Take care and thanks again,

    Kim
    P.S. Shower epiphanies are the best, except when you can't remember them. To bad computers aren't waterproof. I'd do all my writing in the shower.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is a great set of posts, Elana. You're so fantastic.

    but, aren't you glad to be past the query phase? Lord almighty, I am. Hopefully my agent will never kick me to the curb and I'll never have to write another.

    mostly cuz I suck rocks at them

    ReplyDelete
  6. Great post, Elana! Yeah, I was one of the 'what about the consequence' kind of writers. I mean sure it's in the book, but getting it in the query was the hardest part. But that really is the part that sells the book. The part where I forget the rest of the query and think, "Dang, I so want to read this." Oh yeah, that and the voice. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is really interesting. And you give so many specific details. I'll bet this is just the thing that someone needs.

    And the 100 comments. You deserve them. Every one.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love these posts and combined with your book, I'm hoping to have my query in shape soon. Also, congrats on 100 comments - I think saying 'I love you with all my heart' is a great gift!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Dude, have I told you lately that you are a ROCKSTAR??

    103 comments
    Badass Query
    A book I want to read
    And you're helping me write mine!

    Plus, you're an elementary school teacher, like me.

    If I could, I would kiss you right now. (You should be glad I can't reach you physically right now.)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Awesome advice! And you break it all down so well. :-)
    Congrats on the comments!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Elana, seriously you are making this look easy with your GREAT breakdown! Thanks a million!

    I'm with you on writing the query before the book...actually totally convinced it keeps you focused! You go girl!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Great post Elana--as usual!! Your book sounds awesome, can't wait to read it and thanks for linking to the article I wrote with Donna on Janet Reid!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Your book sounds awesome!
    Thanks again for all of your query tips!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I agree with you totally that the middle is the hardest part of the query to write. I really recommend Elana's book. It dissects the heart of the query like in her blog posts with more details and more examples that she comments on. It really helped me get a handle on my query. Well, maybe I'd better wait on the last statement to see what Elana thinks when she critiques my query.

    ReplyDelete
  15. More homework! I'm sweating already. But awesome advice. I'm glad I got your book, too. Can't wait to soak it all in. But these little blurbs are great.

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  16. such a great series...and I'm with Tess; I SO hope I don't have to query anytime soon!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good advice. I'm soaking it all in.

    Yesterday I broke down and signed up for Twitter. I blame you for this. :)

    Once Upon a Time on a Fast Sunday

    ReplyDelete
  18. You could give away a hundred pennies...hopefully that wouldn't break the bank. ;)

    Thanks for the post. I'm the middle of writing the synopsis of my next novel for a contest entry and it's not the easiest thing in the world to do. How do you put 200 pages into 1. :?

    Oh, btw, I've started a "share you link" board on my Face Book fan page. It's a great place to share all your websites.
    (all details on my blog :)

    ReplyDelete
  19. You're right about the voice, Elana. It was the voice that hooked me and sucked me under in that query. I want the book and I want it now! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I've never considered how many characters to name. Good thoughts! Thank you so much!
    Winged Writer

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thanks for the advice. I think having the query written will help me in my rewrites. I need a focus on where to go with it. I keep getting derailed with thoughts of "what next."

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh man, I'm not even to the query phase yet. Almost....almost! Thanks for the awesome advice!

    ReplyDelete
  23. Your query instantly brought to mind a book I'd read a few years ago by Ayn Rand, "Anthem." Gripping! I want to read yours!

    ReplyDelete
  24. So...I don't read YA. I don't have anything against it, I just tend to be more attracted to other genres.

    That said, your query hooked me - your book sounds fascinating, especially the voice you've captured in your letter.

    Thanks for laying this all out for us. I have yet to write a query, but will be doing my first soon, and this makes me think it won't be nearly as difficult as it first appears. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wow I am so hoooked!!! I need to practice doing a query! That was really inspiring, I can't wait to take a stab at it!!!

    I'll keep the tips in mind when writing one! Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  26. Seriously, I have to say the part of writing that stresses me out the most is the query. I really do have to say I am SO glad I found your blog!! This makes me feel like I can accomplish it, no sweat. Thanks Elana!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Wonderful! I had been told by many that you definitely were the Query Master for sure!
    Your site does not disappoint!

    Thank you for popping over to mine the other week when Gnick the Gnome was traveling around... ;o)

    on a totally different note - I love Mistress of Fantasy's avatar above! too cute


    VisitMyKingdomAnytime

    ReplyDelete
  28. You infuse so much voice into this query--I think that's hard to do! Can't wait to hear how you did it :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. Another great post - your posts are so helpful! Thank you for sharing what you know. Sounds like an interesting book ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Elana, the girls at If You Give a Girl a Pen have awarded you with the Sunshine Award.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Your voice most definitely comes through in that query. Great job.

    Helen
    Straight From Hel

    ReplyDelete
  32. I can see why they call you the Query Queen now. That was amazing, seriously. I'd pick that book up in a heartbeat!

    ReplyDelete
  33. umm can I read your book now please?? :) These query posts are so rockin'!!

    How are you with first lines/paragraphs?

    I suck at both it seems, just thought I'd ask!

    No prizes neded BTW, these killer posts are enough!

    ReplyDelete
  34. You make it seem so bloody easy! I'm working on it...

    BTW - can't wait until your book is out. No wonder an agent snapped you up - awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  35. These query posts are not only helpful but I pretty much need to read your book now, so...good job.

    ReplyDelete
  36. 100 posts? Woo-hoo! Bravo!

    Giving FANTASTIC query writing tips? Woo-hoo! Bravo!

    Having a novel on submission? Woo-hoo! Priceless!

    :) Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  37. Very helpful. Those queries take me longer to write than the novel.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Ahh, that dreaded middle ground. Sometimes I think it's harder than writing the whole dang book!

    ReplyDelete
  39. You are the bestest at query writing, so I was wondering:

    Do you have any suggestions for querying a ms that spans several years of one character's life?

    ReplyDelete
  40. I dread the querying process. But I'm so happy to read about your tips. : )

    ReplyDelete
  41. This is great stuff. Keep it coming! :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. Hmm, a signed ARC for each of us when your book comes out? Or you could personally write our queries for us? ROFL

    Thanks for the excellent advice on queries ~ once again!

    ReplyDelete
  43. This is such a great a great series, Elana! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  44. Thanks heaps for being opened about this process and sharing. I am book marking your posts!

    So, you won my comp girl! Congrats! Can you shoot me your address and I'll put the book in the mail?

    Email me at tab[at]zaeya[dot] com

    Thanks heaps :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Elana, you're AMAZING! Way to rock that query!

    ReplyDelete
  46. I have to admit I love writing queries. Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  47. I think I popped in in the middle of that. Lol. Anyway, I for one am not very good when it comes to queries, and I have to thank you Lady Elana for your awesome ninja like skills when it comes to queries. I will even do this in my blog post on Friday (I can tell the future!). If you want to stop by my blog and take a look at my query for RKDG on Friday please do so. It is the one I did right after the changes you suggested. Thanks again.

    ReplyDelete
  48. This is such a fabulous series. Thank you! Can't wait for capturing the voice installment.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Thanks Elana for this step-by-step process. Makes it much less intimidating.

    ReplyDelete
  50. So great!!!!! I loved your book. I've digested it word for word. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete