Talking Heads - Teaser Tuesday - Blog Contest

So my friends at critique group challenged me to write something only using dialog. I'm not really sure if it was a challenge or I just transformed it into one in my head. They said something about how they liked my dialog and I actually think one of them was tearing into me [with very sharp teeth] because I didn't have enough sensory details. Or something. And I was saying how sometimes I think it's okay to just let the characters talk without any blocking details or anything. I mean if they're sitting at the breakfast table and you've established that, I don't need the demise of every bite of bacon. I mean, another clue every little bit or so is okay, but not every line of dialog needs an action, internal thought...or sensory detail. (lol)

I just did a post on writing dialog, so you can check that out. Dialog should reveal things. Not only plot things, but character things too. I believe that through dialog, your characters live. Really live.

So I thought I'd write something with only (okay, MOSTLY) dialog. And I'm throwing down the gauntlet. That's right. This is a contest. I want you to submit a snippet of dialog (could be from your novel or something else you've written, or it could be something you specifically write for this Dialog Throwdown) in the comments on this thread. Maximum wordage: 250 words. Enter by say, Friday this week. That's the 15th.

I'll read them. Choose a winner. (Or should we vote? I'm all about a democracy, but I want everyone to play nice-nice.) The prize? I am sort of notorious for slaying queries, so I'll look at and help you privately with your query letter. If you don't need that because you're the query queen/king and/or I've already helped you, I'll shred, er, critique your first chapter.

So here's mine. Just so you know, this is a magic lesson between two humans (Jared and Annie) who don't know much magic and a group of magical beings (including Jon) who, well, know a lot of magic.

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"You didn't do your protections," Jon said.

"I did too," I snapped.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Shut up, Jon," Jared said.

"Jon, so help me…." I threatened.

"Okay, I'll help you." He stood up and threw a purple disc with a long tail spiraling behind it.

I didn't know any spells besides how to protect myself, but Jared set up the lame no-good shield again.

"Jared, what good is that going to do?" I asked.

"Shut up! It's all I know."

"I know you learned more than one spell today. I saw you."

"How many did you learn, princess?"

"I learned protections. That's all I know. Freakin' take them out!"

"I'm using what I have for this damn shield! You have more magic than me, help me out here!"

"I would, but—ack!" Ice snaked over my legs up to my waist. Whoever had done this was so dead. And right now, I could commit Jon's murder, no problem.

"See if you can get out," Jon said.

"What the hell is this?" Jared looked at his encased legs. "I did the shield."

"Two feet off the ground," Jon replied.

I raised my eyebrows at Jared. "Well?"

"Well what? I don't know what to do."

"How about an Inferno?" Jon suggested. Black fire soared across the library in a funnel, licking at me and melting the ice. I couldn't help the scream that tore through my throat. Next to me, Jared cussed like he didn't know any other words.

"Jon," Edgar said, almost wearily. "Dude, do we really need to freak them out?"

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So...given the little you know about Jon, Annie (she's the "I" in the story) and Jared, what do you think Jon would say to that? What about Jared or Annie? Do you get a little glimpse of who they are?

And now it's your turn! Lay it on me, baby!

Getting Information Across, Part One: Dialog

Okay, I'm going to do a three-part series (but let's face it, my three-parters tend to turn into four or five or six-parters. Don't say you haven't been warned) on how you get information across in a piece of writing. I'm starting with these in mind. You can tell me what else I need to stew on if you want. I'm nothing if not open to suggestions.

1. Dialog
2. Narration
3. Internal thoughts

So today, I'm starting with dialog. Having your characters SAY important information is a great way to get the story out.

Warning: Don't engage your characters in a conversation where both parties already know all the information but the reader does not. That's wicked lame.

It's got to be an authentic conversation between people. It can reveal who the characters are by the way they talk, how you choose to have them react, and what words you put in their mouths.

And dialog can also get out crucial background information or other facts you need a character (and thus, the reader) to learn. For example, take this snippet of dialog from my now-curing WiP, Elemental Hunger. It's mostly dialog where Gabby (the narrator) is learning some stuff she didn't know.

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The silence stretched on as I struggled to make sense of what he’d said. “Mentor? As in…you were training to be a sentry? Why? There’s an Elemental school in Tarpulin.”

“Not anymore,” Adam said, his voice flat. “Alex buried the school under a mountain a year ago. That’s why I left. All the schools in the Northern Territories have been destroyed. I’m only alive because she doesn’t know I’m Elemental. I’d been on the sentry track for twelve years.”

“All the schools?”

“Yup. I’ve been hopping from school to school, managing to escape before the flood or the earthquake. Crylon was the last—and now it’s burned.”

“I didn’t do it,” I said automatically.

“I know. Felix did. Do you think he could’ve gotten here so fast? All the way from Tarpulin?”

I knew Tarpulin was far away, but I didn't know how far. “But he’s not Elemental.”

“No, but he can strike a match.”

“Why? Why would Alex send her sentries to destroy the Elemental schools?”

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “You don’t know much about Alex, do you?”

Anger burned through my veins. “I didn’t get to attend Firemaker lessons. In case you haven’t figured it out, no one knew I was Elemental either. I know who Alex is. I know everyone is afraid of him—including me. He’s ruthless and cruel.”

“And a girl,” Adam said, eyeing me again.

“Wh—What?”

“Alex is a woman. And she possesses all four Elements.”

I stared at him as he peeled the blackened skin off of the chicken. “No way.”

“Way, man. Uh, I mean....”

“How is that possible?”

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This is mostly dialog. And I really need Gabby to know that Alex is a woman. Smart readers will catch Adam's "slip" in the second paragraph. I want the reader to see that, wonder about it, and then get the information right away. I also want/need the information about all the schools being demolished in there. And that little bit about how far Tarpulin is. And Felix....

So you see, dialog can really get a lot of crucial information out in the open in a relatively short amount of time.

It's also one of the hardest things to write, I think. It's important to make sure it sounds natural. Don't let your characters say things they wouldn't say. Don't let them say contrived or overdone things just because you want them to/you need them to/or you think it's the way to go.

Just let them be...themselves. Let them talk, carefully inserting the words you need them to say to get across the information you need. But don't rob them of who they are or the voice they use. It's a delicate balance, one you probably need a crit group, therapy and a large platter of bacon to find. Wait. That might just be me. Never mind.

But seriously, you want your dialog to be authentic. As if you really were eavesdropping on these people, learning the vital information you need to keep the reader invested in their story. And that can be done by good use of dialog. So get them talking!

How will you know when/if your dialog is authentic/awesome?

My tip: Read your dialog out loud. Does it flow like a conversation? Does it sound stilted and awkward? Natural? Too old for the character? Too young? Is it "trying too hard"? You'll know if you read it out loud.

And I like to hear you talk. Does this dialog (in my snippet) work for you? What age would you say these characters are? How can you tell? What do you learn about them? Who's older? Wiser? More in control? Do you consciously think of these things when you're writing dialog? (I'm not saying I do, cuz I don't. But I definitely think about them during the editing stage.)

Finally, do you like writing dialog? I totally love it. It's one of my favorite things to write. And so, so powerful if done right.

So...talk to me! What say you about dialog?

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

Okay, so this week is obviously music week, cuz that title is a song too. Le sigh. Can't win 'em all. Or maybe I am winning...

Anyway, today I'm asking for your best dialog. I'm planning a post on the QueryTracker blog about writing dialog and I didn't want to toot my own horn. Well, at least not quite so loud. I'm going to be using some examples from my own writing in the post, but I'd like to have some others.

So here's what I'm asking you to do.
1. Email me your best dialog. The most powerful line someone speaks in your book. The wittiest. The awesomest. Email: elanajohnson (at) gmail (dot) com. Oh, and put "dialog" in the subject line.
2. I may use it, I may not.
3. You can include a little blurb (if you want) that sets up the dialog. I don't need a one-page synop—or even a 250 word query letter. Just give me the context. (Example below.)
4. I'll credit you as the author and provide a link to your blog on the QT blog post. I'll also be analyzing why I think the dialog works so well, so if that bothers you, please don't submit. The readers of the blog will NOT be asked to critique your dialog - only I'm doing that. I'm nice. Promise.
5. The dialog excerpt shouldn't exceed 100 words. I want your very best! Your short very best.
























Okay, here's an example from one of my own WiP's. I don't want to say I'm the queen of dialog, although I am feeling quite Bee-ish lately.

This is a scene between Vi (Violet) and Zenn. They're walking in the park after dark—gasp!—and a hovercopter has shown up demanding to know why they've decided to become Rule-breakers. It's from a dystopian sci fi novel, just so you know. Oh and it's her birthday in a couple of week and Zenn's already said he has something for her. (blurb: 61 words)

Zenn turned toward me. "What have you done now?"
"Nothing," I answered. "I've done nothing this time." I'd been good for two months. It was the end of the term, the weather was finally getting better, and I didn't see any reason to cause problems.
"This time?" he asked. "What about last time?"
"Violet Schoenfeld, stay where you are!" a mechanical voice boomed. "The Green demands a hearing."
"Vi! The Green? What have you done?"
"Can I have my present now?" I asked.
(dialog: 79 words)

I am not going to analyze my own dialog here. You'll have to wait for the blog post on the QT blog. Neener, neener. However, if you'd like to rip me apart, that's fine. What does this dialog show? Do you get a sense of the characters? No? What do you get? Anything? Let me know. It's entirely possible this stinks of dead fish, but I kinda like it.

Remember, I don't want your dialog submission in a comment. Save the comments for your pithiness on my dialog. Or that picture of Adam Lambert...

Man, getting shredded has never felt so good. Bring it on!