Monday, May 17, 2010

My Heinous Crime

Dude, you guys. I've come to a very startling conclusion. Are you ready for it? The only thing that takes longer than publishing is the justice system.

Who knew I've committed this horrible crime? Something so heinous that I'm forced to wait in my writing cave like it's a solitary confinement, furiously typing stories I hope one day will see the light of day.

Well. I have. And I'm willing to bet that if you're reading this blog, you have too. Someone slap on the cuffs!

Because you've written a book.

Seriously, it takes just as long to build a case against murderers as it does to publish a freaking book.

Am I sick of waiting? Yes. No. Maybe. Whatever. I don't even know anymore.

I've decided to switch my mantra from "Hurry up and wait," to "Hey, at least I didn't kill anybody."

What do you think? Which is faster: publishing or justice? And have you killed anyone lately? (Ha! I have killed fictional people. Maybe that's why I'm being punished so severely! I mean, dude. I'm on, like, death row here.)

75 comments:

Aubrie said...

It's so hard for me to kill my fictional characters! I always think up ways to keep them alive.

I hate waiting as well! Sometimes I just sit and watch my email and wait for "the one" to come. And it never does. Ug!

Natalie Aguirre said...

Being an attorney, I'd have to say getting published. The justice system gets criminal cases to trial much quicker and even civil cases get resolved or set for trial much quicker. Publishing definitely takes patience, discipline, and persistence.

laurapauling said...

Gosh, I have no idea which is slower. How about a sloth?

And I hope you hear the good news soon!

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

hahaha, yes I've killed a couple. Real shame, they were such good people :(

Nisa said...

Hurry up and wait! hahahahaha! I don't know if you can get a better mantra than that, but "Hey, at least I didn't kill anyone" comes very close! *hugs* It will be worth it when your book is in every bookstore in the US and all across the globe as well. ;)

MissV said...

The justice system is faster, because while you are wallowing in a cell somewhere, your name is splashed across the front page...so at least *something* is happening.

But, when you are a writer awaiting your publishing date to arrive, nobody knows your name unless you get out there and *make* them.

I'm really glad you didn't kill anyone either.

Tessa Conte said...

publishing, definately. At least in the justice system you (mostly) have forms you can fill out...query letter form, anyone?

Susan Fields said...

I killed a character in my last book, and it was painful! I missed him so much for the remainder of the book. My niece begged me to rewrite it so he could live, but his death served a purpose, so I had to leave him dead. I'm happy to say no characters were killed in the writing of my current wip - though several were harmed. :)

Cassandra Frear said...

When it gets bad, I go for long walks. In fact, I posted today about the connection between walking and writing.

But honestly, I am fed up with blogging. What gets me? The technical stuff and the cyber glitches. In this case, someone did not restore my comment button when they should have and now I can't get anyone to help.

It's enough to make you crazy.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I kill off characters and cry because I've done it. With my wip, one character is already dead before the story begins (no, it's not paranormal or another The Secret Year), and that was emotionally hard to deal with. Go figure!

I'm guessing publishing is slower. Just.

Cheree said...

Oh definitely publishing is slower. At least with the justice system there's always someone talking about the case. When you write a book you have to wait until it's published before people start talking about it.

Candyland said...

Wow what a great analogy! Uh, I've never killed anyone (except in my books), that I know of :/

And I think justice and the publishing wait may be equally as long in a horrific, "are you kidding me" kind of tragic way.

JustineDell said...

I seem to kill off at least one one character in each book. It just happens...lol

I think publishing is slower. Well, I guess that depends if your agented or just starting out. Or, a publisher buys you book and now your waiting for it to be published. If it's the latter, the justice system is slower.

Oui...my brain hurts now from all that thinking. ;-)

~JD

Rachele Alpine said...

Well, since I'm on submission right now and and waiting and waiting and waitng to hear something, anything (hello, out there)...I'd have to say the publishing world!

Kelly Bryson said...

I've just started my serch for an agent, but editing took a year longer than I expected it to. If I follow your analogy, that means I am a very inefficient/naive murderer, still trying to figure out how to commit the perfect crime. Perhaps I'm not watching enough TV. The TV folks know murder.

salarsenッ said...

Tough question. No sure yet, although they both seem to make one sweat and want to hurl.

I was on jury duty in January. One word: HELL. Everything took forever! Even getting us a stinkin' pitcher of water.

I guess for me the jury is still out on this one. ";-)

Jessica Nelson said...

Huh, I don't know. Justice does take a long time. I'm going with that. At least with publishing you have a time frame. With justice things can pop up to make it go longer, or to void the entire case altogether. Heh.

Holly Dodson said...

I've killed several of my characters. It is oddly empowering. I'd never give it a go in real life though. Alas, I feel sure justice is faster than publishing.

Heather Kelly said...

I'm hiring you to write all my blog post titles. I always laugh before I even get here. Thanks for that. I already have hired a spin artist (T) and a creative director (J). I'm amassing quite the posse.

At least your crime includes something polished! Let's hope I get there soon!

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Too funny, Elana! I posted about crime in literature today. And yes, I'm a serial fictional character killer :))

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I don't know - our judicial system is damned slow!

Slamdunk said...

In my previous profession, nothing was worse than getting a subpoena for a trial that you knew was going to take forever.

I do see the parallels though and in both situations it is good to have a few books handy to pass the time.

Lydia Kang said...

*Raises hand*
I am guilty of killing off characters. It hurts us, it does!

Georgiana said...

YES YES YES! The entire process takes entirely too long. Sigh. At least I didn't kill anybody ;)

asabourova said...

Oh no... I've killed a lot of fictional characters. Some in gruesome ways. If the authorities ever catch me, they will never let me out...

That said, I'd say publishing a book takes way, way longer than the justice system.

Hang in there!

L. E. Neighbour said...

woo! Thanks for the encouraging boost today ;) j/k :P :still writing:

Jaydee Morgan said...

Ooh, what a great way of explaining it to people who have no understanding of how slow the entire process is. It's not like it takes a couple weeks to write it and then it magically shows up in a bookstore somewhere.

Janet Johnson said...

I don't know . . . the two are both so slow.

And yeah, I killed a few, too. But man did I want to let them live!

Liza said...

I have a character that I think is going to die...but I manage to delay writing about it so far. Hang in there. A cliche if I may? Anything worth while is worth waiting for...

Jonathon Arntson said...

I am going to ignore how much this post scares me, Elana. A year from now you'll not even remember this.

Karen Lange said...

It could be a toss up, but I wonder if publishing might be slower. One thing's for sure, you need patience to be a writer. Have a great day!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I've wanted to kill someone - does that count?

Krista said...

Head count: 9
+ hundreds of minor characters (have to include battle scenes. Right?)

All while I was waiting. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Hang in there, Elana. I'm not sure what takes so long, but I'm told it's worth it.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. CRAP! DEADLINE!

Liz Czukas said...

It's funny you post this. I was just starting to feel like Napoleon on my own personal Elba lately.

*le sigh*

Publication, like justice, is worth the wait, right?

Right?

Back to exile.

- Liz

Kristi Faith said...

LOL I think you're right. Although...I think sometimes the Justice system is even faster.....

Sara B. Larson said...

Oh man, you're not kidding. I have had to learn so much patience in the last few years... and it still keeps slowly plugging forward. Patience. Patience. It's my mantra.

And when I get too irritated with waiting, I just go commit murder. On my characters. Ha ha, jk. ;-)

Hang in there!

Stephanie Thornton said...

LOL! Thanks for this- I totally needed it. I've compared writing a book to birthing an elephant (2 years gestation), but it's taken longer than that now. I'm on death row with you!

And yes, I've killed people too. ;)

Christine Fonseca said...

Yep - it does take forever! But, Forever is not too long to wait, is it? You know where I am if you need me!

Natalie said...

I am right there with you Elana. Some days it's maddeningly slow. It makes me crazy. And some days I don't even care.

Carolyn V. said...

LOL. definitely publishing. Sorry it's taking so long Elana. I hope it will speed up soon. =)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

LMAO! I think publishing gets my vote. You're right - it takes freaking for-ev-er! :-)

Julia Smith said...

' "Hey, at least I didn't kill anybody." '

LOL!!

CMOM Productions said...

I believe publishing often take more time. lol :)

Scott said...

LOL!! Thanks for the morning laugh. With the way my desk at work looks . . . I need it . . . desperately!

Yvonne Osborne said...

I've killed only two, though dozens more through proxy.

When I first started this wonderfully exhilirating exercise called Becoming a Novelist, I had no idea. I mean....NONE, of the heartache, angst, depression, and sleepless nights that awaited me.
Had I known, would I have done anything differently? Probably not. Oh yes, one. I would have started sooner.

Patience, Elana. You're ahead of me.

Jen Chandler said...

Uh-oh. I've killed several fictitious people. There might be something to your waiting after all...and mine too! And I thought they'd never know!

Jen

Shannon Whitney Messenger said...

Publishing is definitely slower. I mean, have you seen the way people react when you tell them, um, if my book sells you still won't be able to buy it until like, 2012. They're like, WHAT??? (I've been getting this from ALL of my relatives lately) I try to tell myself patience is a virtue, but MAN have I picked an agonizingly slow dream!

Hang in there. It will happen very soon. I know it. :)

Krispy said...

I hate waiting for things in general. It's the whole not knowing and not-being-able-to-do-anything-about-it-really thing. XP

This is perhaps the reason I watch a lot of crime/law dramas. Everything is packaged into a nice little hour. Of course, this makes for very unrealistic expectations about the effectiveness and speed of the actual justice system. XP BTW, did you hear they canceled original Law & Order?! I'm so sad!

Stephanie McGee said...

LOL

I wouldn't know either way, but I have killed hundreds of fictional people. Granted, only one of those was anyone you'd ever known in the pages of the book. Most happened prior to page 1.

I think a lot of things move at a snail's pace these days.

Lisa_Gibson said...

Bwahahahaha, I think justice is quicker. At least if you've killed someone, they are going to pay attention to you. Getting published, well it takes getting noticed first before they sentance your words to be printed. :)

Patti said...

That's probably why everytime I read an author interview where they are asked to give advice, they say "have patience".

Mia said...

Justice could be quicker, LOL, but I have a hard time not killing people(in my writing I swear) so either way somebody is dead :P

Jojomama said...

The wait must be frustrating!!
"The wheels of justice grind slow, but they grind exceeding fine."
The ananlogy is hilarious--but when a perp finally gets out of jail they won't have their own little book all bound up in perty paper. (= I'd wait in jail if I thought I would come out to that! Haha!

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

I've killed a few characters. Ooops.

Where are the cuffs?

Angie said...

Yes, I'm guilty of fictional homicide too. And I know just what you mean. Sometimes this does feel like a harsh jail sentence.

Amanda said...

I know many adoption cases that took a very long time. My kids' adoption case didn't take long considering the circumstances, but it still felt like forever. I guess things that take forever make you appreciate them more, just a theory. . . but not what anyone wants to hear while they WAIT!

Matthew Rush said...

There's no question that justice is faster than publishing. Everything is faster than publishing.

Theresa Milstein said...

Taking so long to get published is an injustice. Publishers should speed up the process from beginning to end.

Next time someone asks me if I have an agent, I'm going to say, "Hey, at least I didn't kill anybody."

Shelley Sly said...

I agree! Publishing and the justice system are two of the slowest moving things ever. Not that I know firsthand about publishing... nor have I been arrested, but you know. ;)

It's been a while since I've killed a character. Which only means that I need to dust off my keyboard and find my next fictional victim.

Myrna Foster said...

I killed a character last week, and he punished me by coming back as a ghost.

Write Chick said...

Seriously. Who knew that getting a book published and out to the public took so long? I didn't. Although, I would much rather wait for that than a trial by jury. At least while I wait for my book to get published I can eat as much Raman Noodle as I want. Who wants that gross steak you get in prison. :-)

B. Miller said...

Your patience will most definitely pay off, my friend! I'm sure of it. Crossing all my fingers and toes for you! :D

If you get a chance, you should check out my blog - I'm having my first ever blog contest, the Pay it Forward Giveaway! I'd love for you to check it out, I'm proud of the grand prize!

Don said...

I've only killed one character. In my next book, I just make someone so sick she wishes she were dead.

And my biggest crime so far has been a speeding ticket. Those are pretty darn instantaneous.

Hopefully the long wait for everything related to Bumpy Landings means it will turn out a bit more substantial than a simple moving violation.

L.T. Elliot said...

Oh, I'm sure writing a book takes longer. ;) Especially since accused parties are guranteed a "speedy" trial. =P Seriously, I think you asked the impossible question there.

Jemi Fraser said...

Waiting sucks! I hate it.

I've killed off a couple of characters in this ms. Maybe that's the problem... :) Or could it be I'm not done revising yet?

Tabitha Bird said...

There is something slower than both the publishing industry and the justice system. It is known as the education system! I believe it is easier to move a graveyard than effect massive change in education. Talk about RED TAPE! And i am a teacher. I can say that :)

Renae said...

I feel your pain Elana and I've only just begun the waiting game...in the mean time I plan to refrain from knocking off any of my characters. Or at least try.

paulgreci said...

My MC's dad had to terminate a couple of people to protect his family.

Portia said...

Slooowww. It's painfully true. When I was editing magazines, I'd sometimes publish an article I'd been holding in the can for six months. You can bet that author was glad to finally get paid! :-/

Indigo said...

I may be tempted to kill a laptop by the time it's over...(Hugs)Indigo

WindyA said...

Lol. You always make me laugh! I'm such a sucker for fate that it has become one of those, when it's my time, then it will be my time. In the meantime, I'm just gonna keep plugging along. I know, it sounds so zen, doesn't it? Way easier to say than actually do :)

Angela M. said...

Publishing = much slower than I ever thought it could be, at least for a novel.

It took me about a year to get a guy put away for 60+ years (though that was one torturously long year), so Justice = much faster in my experience. As far as killing someone? Well, they haven't caught me yet ;)

It's too bad the waiting's so much like a prison sentence!

Palindrome said...

I have not killed anyone...yet. But I have maimed, terrorfied, and almost heart attacked. I'm horrible at waiting and will have to do many things to distract myself, once I reach that point.

Donna Hole said...

I'm a mass murderer in my fiction. I have slashed, cut and killed so many characters and scenes you'd be frightened to be on the page during my brief writing forrays.

Now, where did I put that delete key . .

.......dhole

Horserider said...

Publishing. At least with that something is getting done while waiting. =) Even if it doesn't seem like it.

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