Sometimes, when in that deep pit of despair, all you need to do is change the way you think about something. For example:
1. When you get a rejection, instead of thinking, "I suck. My book sucks. This s-u-c-k-s." you might try thinking, "Dude, this sucks, but you know what? S/He wasn't the agent for me."
2. When you get a critique back from a beta, instead of thinking, "Holy crap! They hate me, my book, my dog and the color orange!" you might try thinking, "This will make my book stronger. I'm glad I have people who are smarter than me helping me out."
3. When you see a picture of yourself and you notice that you look like death warmed over (see yesterday's post), instead of thinking, "Holy crap! How do I go out in public like that??" you might try thinking, "I am beautiful, in every single way."
Positive thoughts lead to more positive actions. (So says I.)
What do you think? Can you change your attitude about writing, querying, and/or your perceived level of self-worth simply by changing the way you think? And if so, what positive thoughts will replace those negative ones?
1) Just be careful not to tell yourself "that agent sucks", and if you do, don't blog about it. This can lead to awkward situations.
ReplyDelete2) This is tough, but excellent advice. Try to remind yourself WHY you wanted a critique in the first place. Hopefully it was to make your writing the best it can possibly be. If you want smoke blown at you just give your MS to your mom.
3) Getting some sun from time to time and showering can help, otherwise throw some glitter on, pretend to be a vampire and just roll with it.
Thanks Elana! You are the best.
Great advice!
ReplyDeleteThis came at a perfect time. Last night I was having a pity party for myself. Every word I wrote sucked and it made me want to cry.
ReplyDeleteBut I should think, at least I'm doing something to make my writing stronger and if it doesn't work then I can just cut it.
I completely agree, and am also completely guilty of thinking the worst. Good advice to writers and non-writers. I read somewhere once that it's not what people say that matters, it's how you react to it that makes it what it is.
ReplyDeleteThis is such wonderful advice! It's very important to remember in a time of despair or frustration to try and turn that thinking into something positive! Great post Elana... always rockin' out over here!
ReplyDeleteLOL #2 is mine today. Got a few not-so-great feedbacks from Beta readers who think my MC is too selfish. UGH! So I woke up at 3am thinking I stink at this and will never be able to write a lovable character.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the cheers.
Great advice, and I'm cracking up over Matthew's #3.
ReplyDeleteGreat advice. I've been really trying to realize that about agents when I haven't won some contests I've entered. Sometimes I do fall into the negative thoughts. Just so we get back to the positive ones.
ReplyDeleteAttitude is everything. I try - hard some days - to keep a positive attitude. There are days when my patience is tested and I drop down into the depths of despair. Luckily, those days are far and few between.
ReplyDeleteWe can go a lot farther in life with a positive attitude.
S
Which is why I don't let anyone take pics of me.
ReplyDeleteThink positvely! You were at a conference.
Awesome post! I was feeling rather wretched myself yesterday (thanks for the supportive comment btw Elana:) and part of it had to do with fidgeting over my ms because I'd queried an agent I've heard great things about, but who made me nervous.
ReplyDeleteI'd read a comment she'd made about 'info dumping' in books and I immediately decided that I had info dumps in my ms, even though none of my readers have noticed anything of the sort. After querying, I worked on what I perceived as problems, convinced that I was doomed anyway because if I info dumped, obviously this agent wouldn't like my query either, so defeat was imminent. I mean OBVIOUSLY... and then I got a request for a partial yesterday afternoon...
Which doesn't mean that I'll land the agent. But I learned from her remarks, which weren't even directed at me, and I think that regardless, my ms is stronger for the changes I made.
You learn every moment of every day! Which is why I'm a highly optimistic realist... I think positively as much as possible and at the same time try to break whatever happened down so I can suck information out of it. It isn't easy, and there are definitely days when you struggle... but it's so WORTH IT!
Ahaha. I hate the color orange!!! And you DO look beautiful ALWAYS. So there!
ReplyDeleteI thought your picture was beautiful in every single way.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I got a rejection yesterday. It's really hard not to beat myself up. I try tricks like that, but they're kinda hollow.
This is all too logical for me. And I enjoy being in despair.
ReplyDeleteThis is prompting me to sing "you are beautiful in every single way..words can't bring me do--o--own" by Christina A. ;-)
ReplyDeleteReally this is a life lesson, no?
Positive thinking does work. It's just harder some days :)
ReplyDeleteAttitude and outlook are amazing things. I am a firm believer that positive energy attracts positive energy. Thus, the reverse is the same. I really don't want to continue attracting negative vibes. It's human nature to get down; just recognize it and shift to a more positive gear.
ReplyDeleteAttitude and outlook are amazing things. I am a firm believer that positive energy attracts positive energy. Thus, the reverse is the same. I really don't want to continue attracting negative vibes. It's human nature to get down; just recognize it and shift to a more positive gear.
ReplyDeleteLove this post. I'm definitely a big fan of positive thinking. And if it doesn't work, dancing around the room like an idiot never fails to put a smile on my face, no matter how many rejections I get :)
ReplyDelete1. I've usually forgotten I'd queried the agent in the first place . . . heck, I didn't even remember the agent existed (most of the time).
ReplyDelete2. Except for ONCE, this doesn't happened to me. Usually I can't wait to dive in to make my ms better (I love editing!!!). Okay, sure my stomach does a few nose dives, but it quickly recovers.
3. Can't do much about this. I'm still fighting the urge to stick pins in my hairstylist and receptionist (for switching my apt from my requested stylist) voodoo dolls. But at least hair grows. :)
Yep - its all about your thinking! Great post.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the self-esteem pep talk this morning. And, yes, it's all about our own attitude. I have said all those things about myself, which is self-abuse. So, turn it around, look for the beauty in ourselves and our work and the day will suddenly be much brighter.
ReplyDeleteFantastic advice, and if I wasn't so scattered over everything I have to do I would have more things to say but my attitude has taken a back seat to my "busy". I guess I could stop thinking cleaning my house to white glove standards doesn't suck...but I'm not sure how to make that positive. I'll work on it ;)
ReplyDeleteI see you've been in my head again. Since you have, you know I needed to read this post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, you can! It's hard, but it can be done. Thanks for the reminder, Elana.
ReplyDeleteYou can adjust your thinking. It takes work. But it can be done. (Something I'm working on right now with convincing myself that I'm not a hack and that revisions are worthwhile endeavors over starting a new project.)
ReplyDeletedude, #2 is ridiculous. No one hates the color orange ;)
ReplyDeletefor reals, though, i'm a firm believer of positivity attracting positivity. and who wants to spend energy being negative? i'm way too lazy for that
It's not just your opinion. There's scientific evidence that both negative and positive thinking perpetuate themselves. The worst thing you can do when you're feeling down is think negative thoughts.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! Our thoughts is where it all begins anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou know what changed my mind? Adderall, lol. Before it, I couldn't concentrate enough to get through a novel, and I'd think, I HATE THIS! I SUCK. SO HARD! I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO WRITE FICTION! And, while meds are CERTAINLY not the right choice for so many, perhaps it bears looking at the reasons underlying a currently negative mindset :D
ReplyDeleteWell said, Elana. Well said.
ReplyDeleteSo true! It's all a matter of perspective. If your attitude is open and receptive, the influences around you will only strengthen you. With a little bit of persistence and a positive outlook, you can survive any obstacle.
ReplyDeleteVery true, and something I need to hear right now. Rejection is hard at any point in this game.
ReplyDeleteYes. I'm tired of hearing "...if I get published." No, It's "When you get published."
ReplyDeleteThanks for this.
I absolutely agree :]
ReplyDelete...only it's never okay to hate the color orange. Ever.
Absolutely. What we say more than influences us. :) We definitely choose our attitude.
ReplyDeleteElana,
ReplyDeleteI did that with my first novel. The querying was killing and I was just so down and out. Finally, I yelled at myself, told myself and my husband my book would get published and pretty much forced myself to stay positive. My husband and I started a running joke that if I didn't get a rejection in a given week we'd have a bad weekend and if I got a Friday rejection, that was good luck! I guess it was!
BTW: You look cute in that pic! :)
xoxo -- Hilary
I'm so freakin' proud of myself. First, it never occurred to me my books suck. How bizarre is that? Second, I've never thought my betas hate me. Why would they be undertaking the onerous task of reading my stuff if they were hating on me? They want to help, and words can't express how appreciative I am. And third, the pix? After I took up photography, I vowed never again to be one of those women (it's always women) who duck, cover or run every time they see a camera. I take much better pictures these days.
ReplyDeleteYowza, not bad for a dyed-in-the-wool pessimist who lives just north of despair. Thanks Elana! Must. Go. Query.
Dude, how did you know I needed this? But it's hard isn't it? To change the way we think, just about one of the most challenging things in the world. My thoughts know where they want to go and I have to give them the worlds biggest butt kicking to get them to shine a little light on me and let me glitter sometimes.
ReplyDeleteThat's just what I needed to face my revisions today. It's not 5,000 words I have to destroy, it's 5,000 words I get to play with. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteSo true, Elana. We need to tell ourselves it's subjective and just keep moving on. I think that's really important - to move forward and not dwell on negativity.
ReplyDeleteAttitude is everything right? It's hard to stay positive, but it's important to do so to stay motivated. That's what I'm struggling with now. Thanks for the pep talk. :)
ReplyDelete1)I like to think that something must have distracted them from noticing my awesomeness or some temporary blindness/insanity/malaria gripped them at the very moment they read my query. This makes me feel better while wishing them a get well soon in my head.
ReplyDelete2) No problems with this because my cp's are incredible and they love me, I love them, and we are a circle of love.
3) I like to tell myself I look artistic and tortured...a lot. Or I meant for my hair to look like that. Or maybe I am starting a new fashion trend...
Great post Elana, and just what I need. I'll confess, I've been very stuck in the negative, 'I suck' zone. But I'm trying to dig out.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me more reasons to stay positive.
Great post Elana, and just what I need. I'll confess, I've been very stuck in the negative, 'I suck' zone. But I'm trying to dig out.
ReplyDeleteThanks for giving me more reasons to stay positive.
I'm positive my new outfits will attract an agent at RWA nationals. No wait, it's all about my writing, isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAnd when you should be in AC with your friends, but you are home with a sick kid, think "At least tomorrow I will be a few hundred dollars richer :)
ReplyDeleteOh, it is very hard to do this. After a bit of time, I can usually turn my attitude around. But not at first!
ReplyDeletemy mom's favorite says is: "if you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." A lot of times it sounds hokey, but if you're not projecting an positive attitude, you can't expect positive things to happen to you.
ReplyDeleteI am a strong believer in positive thinking!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree that changing the way you think about things is one of the tickets to happiness. :) Great post!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reminder Elana - I needed this :)
ReplyDeleteSomehow you just know!
You absolutely have to have a postitive attitude. There are days that I feel horrible and the self pity party gets me nowhere and only sucks any creativity out of me.
ReplyDeleteTotally agree!
We cannot change the outcomes of our lives by thinking one way or another. We can, however, live happily with the process by letting the negative go and focusing on the positive.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is yours to believe in--good or bad.
I personally love half-full glasses. It means I enjoyed a bit of fresh squeezed oj and that I still have some left to savor. Life doesn't get any better than that.
Great post Elana! I needed this, I've been stuck in the I suck mood for the past couple of weeks.
ReplyDeleteAnd your picture yesterday was gorgeous as usual so I have to disagree with you on that one.
Since my experience with rejection was more in the employment world, my focus was on "well, they probably did not read your stuff closely." I always have felt like that if I could get an interview, I would get an offer.
ReplyDeleteSo my positive thoughts were "how can I improve my pitch, so that someone will notice me and read my submission closely?"
Great post, Elana! Words to live by. :)
ReplyDelete"Positive thoughts lead to more positive actions." Words to live by, Elana. Every single word rings true, and I needed this. Thanks! :-)
ReplyDeleteHey, was that a snide comment about my DOG?
ReplyDeleteYeah, I do think you can whip those negative thoughts out of your head, too. :)
ReplyDeleteI love this post! It's a great reminder that we must have tough skin and learn to take the positive out of every situation. Sometimes we have to look harder for it, but it's there.
ReplyDeleteHey...What did the color orange ever do to you? I bet you look fab in it.
ReplyDelete