Okay, I so don't do this. I either write short, or I write long. And let's face it, my "short" stuff turns into 90,000 words.
But I signed up for this Campaign, and well, yeah. I signed up. (Click here for details on this challenge, and to vote for mine! I'm #110.)
So here's the challenge: Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)
Fine.
The door swung open, releasing so many molecules of our precious oxygen. I blinked, but with heavy eyelids that took too long to open again.
Footsteps landed. Someone spoke. The pressure across my chest intensified as the room grew brighter and brighter.
“Help—Owen,” I managed, somehow remembering my brother had curled into the corner and gone to sleep while I futilely searched for a way out of the room.
“We've got him.” The voice floated around me, seared inside me, sliced through me. “We’ll be back for you.”
You,
you,
you, echoed through the room. I sucked down one last breath as the door swung shut.
One of my greatest fears is dying by suffocation. Can you tell? (Ha!) What's one of your greatest fears?
It's official...YOU ARE BRILLIANT! Love it.
ReplyDeleteEerie! I like it. Well done. My biggest fear is worms. Lol good luck with the challenge.
ReplyDeleteAH! I would hate to die that way too. Honestly one of my biggest fears is having one of my children die. Uh. But on a less dramatic level I am scared of spiders and the ocean - not necessarily the "ocean" but what is waiting just below the surface to eat me!
ReplyDeleteLove your short story! Awesome.
Gasp! Very nice Elana. I wanna play. Do we post our 200 words here?
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear is missing out on all the fun. Can you tell?
Oh, that and being forced to watch The Smurfs movie on never-ending repeat!
Wow! I so want to read more!
ReplyDeleteExcellent job! This had a Possession feel to it.
ReplyDeleteWhat's my worst fear? I have so many. Where do I start? ; )
I'm glad you joined the campaign too. You never do these challenges. I rarely do challenges, but I've done two different challenges in a row on my blog.
We're growing...
*bites nails* I want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear... dying instantly. I don't want to be deprived of those precious last words.
Mine is drowning.
ReplyDeleteIt's cool.
:)
Tirz
Mine is drowning.
ReplyDeleteIt's cool.
:)
Tirz
Wonderfully done! You created a lot of tension for such a short piece. My greatest fear is something happening to my son.
ReplyDeleteI love how in just 200 words, you made me want to hear this person's whole story! FTW! I'm in the campaign too, but not sure if I'll be able to find time for this challenge.
ReplyDeleteOkay, please say they come back to get the MC.
ReplyDelete*tapping fingers nervously*
By the way, this was a wonderful piece of flash fiction.
As for one of my fears:
It slithers upon its belly, made for sneaking, scaly and quick as a flash. Never back it into a corner or you'll be the one to regret it.
*shudder*
Snakes, EEEK!
Fab post, Elana - great intensity and your fear definitely shines through (that's supposed to be a good thing, I promise!).
ReplyDeleteOoh, fantastic. What a great piece of flash fiction.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness, Elana! I'm sitting here gulping for air now. Haha! Nice work! :)
ReplyDeleteDisturbing, but very creative and different. Liked it a lot.
ReplyDeleteFear: Snakes!!!!!!
What a great short story! And you said you couldn't write anything short :P You did awesome! And I'm totally scared of suffocating to death. Sort of have a problem with being claustrophobic. :P
ReplyDeleteThis is so great. I really like it and can feel her struggle for air!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally freaked out, so you must have done your job. I loved it :)
ReplyDeleteElana, you are taking chances on your blog and I have to say, I love that about you.
ReplyDeleteFeeling the need to breath very deeply.....
Shelley
Yup, like it LOTS! So glad you joined the Campaign! Get out the bacon to celebrate!
ReplyDeleteI like that a lot! Very nice!
ReplyDeleteLoving this. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat job Elana, but then I expected nothing less. My biggest fear. . rejection, the ocean, losing my mind and knowing that I lost it.
ReplyDeleteVery intense... the reader is there with you/the main character, trying to catch another breath, and another. Impressive.
ReplyDeleteFear? certain scuttling bugs that I'm not even willing to name
So creepy, and I agree suffocation. It takes like 20 minutes to die but at least you pass out quickly. Love the intensity.
ReplyDeleteCaptured this perfectly, Elana! :) *wishes there were more* O:)
ReplyDeleteI like your take with this one Elana. I just read Julie Fedderson's try with this and you all are very creative.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I can relate to the need for 90,000 words to hit the mark on a topic.
That gave me the shivers! Great short! The fear definitely comes through strong. One of my fears is tight areas where I can't move. I might have to try this writing experiment!
ReplyDeleteNice. I mean, terrifying, but nicely written. I write about my biggest fears ALL THE TIME. I think it's a subconscious self-therapy thing.
ReplyDeleteThat was fantastic! I used to have a deathly fear of heights, so much I could not drive over bridges, but ever since I had children, nothing seems to weird me out anymore.
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. You made every word count.
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed your story. Good writing style.
ReplyDeleteOwen is the bad guy who let the hero down?
ReplyDeleteEvery Savage Can Reproduce
Very nice! Love the echoing you. voted! Sarah xx
ReplyDelete*shakes head* I don't know how you all did such a bang-up job with 200 words. I saw the challenge, became terrified, and hid in Chapter 20 of my WiP.
ReplyDeleteAwesome, especially the echoes.
You've captured fear and creepiness in 200 words! Well done! And I forgot to check yesterday's campaign post to check the challenge. Will have fun reading them today!
ReplyDeleteYeah, just made of awesome sauce!!! Love the use of short phrases.
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! And dying by suffocation would be very scary!!
ReplyDeleteMe too! Gah, I think I need to step outside just from reading that. Nice:)
ReplyDeleteWow. That was powerful. Really a masterful bit of writing. It's one of my favorites so far.
ReplyDeleteThis looks like an awesome read! Going on the the tbr list.
ReplyDeleteKelsey d
Very well done -- and creepy. I voted for you. (Mine is 186 if you like to have a look).
ReplyDeleteMy greatest fear is loosing one of my kids or my hubby -- or my hands so I can't write any more.
Creepy and brilliant! I really liked your piece.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear involves anything happening to my kids.
Eek! Now I'm totally terrified. I wasn't before, I was happy on this beautiful sunny day listening to upbeat music. Now I'm a little freaked and a lot interested. :)
ReplyDeleteGreat piece!!!
Like you, I don't write short either. But you're a genius! I think that's what separates us as writers. Great job, Elana. I'm sprinting to keep up! :)
ReplyDeleteReally cool piece. Great voice :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting on my entry! I’m #76
Oh dear. That's pretty intimidating to me, as I'm also afraid of suffocating! My greatest fear though? Hangings.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, my first novel has hangings in it. I can barely edit it.
Great, Elana! I don't think I'd like to die by suffocation either. Not gruesome, but very frightening. Bravo!
ReplyDeleteThat's one of my fears. I have alot of ways I don't want to die! Well done. Mine is totally different. #72
ReplyDeleteHow completely frightening! Suffocation is just awful--I can't even imagine. Love the images in this!
ReplyDeleteTense! I loved it, and I'm going to check out your book, congrats on the publication (I'm so jealous!). I am claustrophobic, so my biggest fear is being stuck in an extremely tight/enclosed place and having to just die slowly there. I'm also with Abby, though. I have night terror thoughts about what could happen to my kids. Glad we had this nice little chat, lol.:D
ReplyDeleteUm... As far as ways of dying go, I'm pretty scared of drowning (wanting to breathe so badly and all there is around you is WATER!) and burning. Yikes. Lovely topic!
ReplyDeleteHi Elana, Mel here from your Distopian/Apocalypse group :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat job with the challenge. Coming off a WriMo, where the goal is to make as many words as possible, I had a bit of a tough time with this one.
My greatest fear I guess would be madness, not being able to discern reality from my imagination. Of course, if that were the case, I suppose I would never know if it had happened.
This story feels sinister, but upon a second reading I see that the voices could actually be saviors. Good job.
ReplyDeleteMy biggest fear is having a gun pointed at me. Absolutely terrified even of the thought.
That's great Elena, I hope you never die of suffocation. And, let's face it. I dont want to die that way either.
ReplyDeleteI loved your story. Good job. It makes you wonder what is happening and keeps you intersted.
Suffocation is pretty high up on the list of ways I DON'T want to go, and you did a great job of capturing what it must feel like. *shudder*
ReplyDeleteI liked that echoing You . . . You . . . You . . . .
ReplyDeleteYeah, suffocating is hi on my list, too.
AWESOME! Great short! I love the opening paragraph - you set the scene right there. Nice job!
ReplyDeletePowerful! Very visual, Liked it very much. Also liked the little writeup about yourself.....lol. Believe it or not I am PB and MG/YA writer....lol.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful piece. The echoes were kind of haunting.
ReplyDeleteMy fears: drowing and being burned alive. Giving it more thought, being buried alive and suffocating slowly is pretty awful too.
Great, now I have lovely images rattling in my mind.
Yikes! You really pulled me in right away...
ReplyDeleteHmmm... I can't think of my biggest fear... probably dying slowly in a hospital bed hooked up to a million beeping contraptions... aware, but unable to speak/move.
I LOVE this! I love how you were able to pack so much voice into so few words. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI so hate enclosed spaces that your flash fiction piece freaks me out! It is that descriptive. So, yeah, I'd say suffocation is way up there for me, too. Nice job, for sure.
ReplyDeleteOh, that's a Great scene! Nice tension, and imagery in just a few words.
ReplyDeleteWow! I was actually holding my hand over my mouth as I read that! Great!
ReplyDeletePOSSESSION is on my wish list!
http://coleenpatrick.com/
I haven't read Possession yet, but now I definitely want to! Really lovely writing. :D
ReplyDeleteWriting such a short piece is so tough.
ReplyDeleteI loved your entry. So good. I felt like I had to catch my own breath for a second there.
Wowza! THis made me think of my #1 way I don't want to die. Fire scares me! No suffocation for me please! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI'm gasping with her, feeling breathless myself! What's going to happen to her??? Great piece!
ReplyDeleteWell done!! Suspense, emotion and fear packed into 200 words! It makes me want to read on. :)
ReplyDeleteWell, I guess my greatest fear would be anything happening to my kids and being helpless. :P
Suffocation doesn't sound very fun though and being on or in dark water totally creeps me out! I need to see the bottom or I'll panic.
Love it. Your pacing and use of language really put me there.
ReplyDeleteOkay, when can I read more?
Oh no! I hope she gets out!
ReplyDeleteLoved it, Elana! You. You. You, awesome, fab writer, you!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on the sufficating bit. I wrote a choking one - same dif. Awesome FF!
ReplyDeleteThat was intense! I was there in the moment, happy to panic alongside your MC when she had to wait even longer to be rescued. I'm afraid of heights and treacle - that combination would make a bad way to go ;)
ReplyDeleteNicely done! :-) Loved it.
ReplyDeleteWe have similar challenges! Very easy to have lots and lots of words. ;) Great job, I enjoyed the suspense!
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome, Elana! My chest tightened up just thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteIt kind of reminded me of that scene in Spaceballs when the giant vacuum cleaner sucks all of the air out of Druidia's atmosphere. I always hated that part!
Anyways, job well done!
Oooh horrible. I have a fear of suffocating too (probably not helped by the fact that I did actually stop breathing when I was young and had to have a tracheotomy!!. Great piece.
ReplyDeleteSuffocating and drowning are I suppose basically the same both my worst fears for dying. That was really, really good.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.doreenmcgettigan.com
Took me a while to get here. So many participants! My fear is falling through the ice. Your suffocation story gave me as much of a panic. I'm not a campaigner (sadly) but I participated too. It was a blast. I'm 329.
ReplyDelete