Okay, so I've had an interesting year. It was almost exactly a year to this date that I decided to break up with my first agent and seek a second. That process took a couple of months, and during that time, I decided to self-publish a novel that my first agent and I had submitted to publishers in New York.
That book was Elevated, and I think it's done pretty well out there. Since then, I've published two more novels and two novellas. I've had another book out on submission with my new agent that didn't sell.
I'll admit that it's getting a little...I don't know the right word. Taxing? Tiresome? Something along those lines. It's getting a little tiresome to keep beating my head against this wall of publishing.
Here's the thing: I think my stories are good. I've even had agents who thought they were good enough to submit to editors. Both of those are validating things, but for some reason, I still want that publishing contract. I want that validation with an editor, a marketing team, with readers, and with my author friends.
I've struggled with this for a while. I'll have weeks where I'm like, "Who cares? I'm still the same person no matter what. I don't care what people think." Then the next day, sometimes the next hour, I'm like, "I need the validation from All The People."
It's sort of a sickening seesaw. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. Maybe just wondering where you get your validation from? How can I gain more internal validation? Or maybe I have enough and that's why I haven't quit trying yet?