Choices, Choices

I've said before that I believe that your choices define who you are. I see it time and again with the students I work with, the people around me, and in my own life. I'm a pretty black and white person and I think that the word math is pretty easy:

Choose to act mean + Act mean = people will think you're a mean person.

It doesn't matter if you're really not a mean person. It doesn't matter if you acted out of anger, or frustration or whatever. The math remains true. Your choices define who you are.

So how does this apply to writing? I think it's ingrained in the characterization of the people we write about. We all want to create compelling characters that tug at the hearts of our readers. We want our characters to be unique, likeable, struggling, desperate, dispicable, evil, kind, or whatever.

So how do you do that? You can't just say, "He was kind." or "She was mean." That's the whole Show, Don't Tell rule.

I think you have to make your characters make choices. What they choose to do, will define what kind of person they are. Their choices will characterize them for you. You have to decide what kind of person your character is, not just what they do. Don't confuse who your character is with the hobbies they enjoy. This is a fine line that may be blurry for lots of us. I know it is for me. But I don't think it's enough to just give your character "stuff" that they "do" to make them different. I think it has to be done on a deeper level. You have to bring out who they are, and that will influence their choices--including the ones where they decide which hobbies they enjoy.

Ask yourself questions like these:
1. Does Kate just like to run? Or is she a runner?
2. Is cooking something Adam does? Or is he a chef? (Cuz I cook, but dude, I'm no chef.)
3. What's the real reason Vi breaks so many Rules? (Ha! Yes, that's from my book. And it's not because Rule-breaking is something she likes to do. It's because of who she is.) ((I like this question a lot. I think you should be asking yourself this as you write: "What's the real reason Super Awesome Character does This or That or The Other?" And I think the answer should always come down to them choosing why they do something because of who they are.))

I think it's okay to have "stuff your character does". Don't get me wrong about that. Everyone has hobbies that put them in certain social groups. But really, I don't care if someone can cook or set a new swimming record. I want to know them on a more personal level. When something uber-hard comes at them (which in fiction, is the basis of the book, right?) how do they act? What choices do they make? And are those in line with who they are?

If not, what you've given your characters as "personality traits" might just be hobbies. You'll have to decide.

And now I'm going to go all blasphemous on you. Well, maybe not. But I've heard people say that they are writers. It's who they are. Ready for the shocking part? *whispers* I don't feel that way.

I love writing. I enjoy how I feel when I write. I adore creating people and watching their journey. I really really love it. But writing is not who I am. It's something I really love to do. It's something that helps me find the person I really am. It allows me to help other people find out who they really are. By choosing to write, I discover who I am--and who I am not.

Because I know myself, I can make the choice to write, persist through rejection, drive myself to do better. And the point of hobbies, I think, is to develop those qualities that define us (like hard work, determination, perseverance, etc.). Now, can hobbies become deeper, become who we are?

Honestly, I think so, but it takes a long time. And by then, we've learned so many things about ourselves, that we can become anything we choose.

What do you guys think?

The Truth...From Bambi

So here's the thing. Mean people get under my skin. I think we can all learn a lot if we'd just be quiet and listen. So here's some things I constantly tell myself when someone is talking and I don't agree with the words that are coming out of their mouth. Or what they've typed on their blog. Or Facebook. Or whatever.

• You are not always right.
• There are at least five sides to every story.
• Consider their point of view.
• What can you learn from what they're saying?
• They're entitled to their own opinion. Just listen, don't speak. And certainly don't interrupt.

And most of all: Kindness is king.

I tell my students at the beginning of every year that it's their choices that define who they are. The speech goes something like this: "If you want people to think you're a nice person, you must CHOOSE to act nice. Say nice things. If you want people to think you're a hard worker, you must CHOOSE to work hard. If you want people to think you're helpful, you must CHOOSE to help them. If you want people to think you're a good listener, you must CHOOSE to listen. On the other hand, if you act mean, say mean things, people will think you're mean."

Pretty simple, right? Kids get it. I rarely have any problems, and if I do, I simply ask the student what other people might be able to decide about them based on their choices. Would they be able to say you're a good friend when you spread rumors? Would they be able to say you're nice when you're rolling your eyes at their shoes/shirt/hair style?

And so, I take my lesson from Bambi each and every day. "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

What about you? Do you have to mentally coach yourself the way I do? Do you believe your choices define who you are?