I'll Show You Mine...

Yeah, you clicked on that because you're a sick, sick person. You know you did.

Anyway, today I'm tackling the art of comparison. Katie left a comment last week in the advice post that said, "Don't Compare."

So I'm going to start with a story. Some of you have been reading for a while. You've read my Confession of a Unibrow.

Well, you know what? I plucked that bad boy. It hurt. A lot. I just didn't want to be Bert (from Bert and Ernie) anymore, and in my people-watching, I noticed that no one else had a unibrow. Well, my girl kidlet does, but only because she's been cursed with my genes. Anyway. So I plucked because I didn't want to be the only one with a lame unibrow.

We compare ourselves to everyone. My hair looks better than hers. Her clothes are cuter than mine (I always lose with clothes. Always. I wear stuff from the 90's. Lisa and Laura could put me on their blog. Srsly). I have more college credits. I wrote more words. She drives faster. He got more comments. The list could go on and on. And on.

So back to the advice: Don't compare.

I think that's freaking brilliant.

But...

Why is it so hard to do?

Even when I'm reading published books, I'm comparing them to mine. Sometimes I think mine is just as good. Sometimes I know it's not. Sometimes I think mine is better. I can't help myself.

Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of confidence in myself. (I know, I know, complete 180 from last week, right?) I think, for me, it's recognizing that a rose will never look like a snapdragon.



 
Both flowers are beautiful in their own right. Both are soil-worthy. Both smell nice. Both bring a smile to my face. I don't try to compare them.

Once I started looking at books like this, I've done a much better job of separating mine out, and keeping the comparisons to things like, "Well, we both used the words 'the', 'and', and 'was'." You know?

So how do you win the Comparison War?

Comparitory Creatures

Entering Elana's stream of conscious...strap yourselves in...wild ride ahead...keep all hands, feet and other appendages in the blog at all times...

Are you querying? Did you see that post last week on PubRants? Did you enter that contest? OMGosh, you have to join Absolute Write. My book is as good as this published one. Who reps this book? Heck, they rejected me! No fair!

I could go on and on. And on. I compare myself to everything and everyone. Do any of you do this? As humans, I think we're very comparitory creatures. This is something I've had to work very hard to overcome. BTW, my husband says women do this more than men. So you men out there: is that true? Is comparing oneself a feminine curse? I certainly hope not, because everyone should have to suffer as I have. *snarf*

Anyway, so recently I threw myself in the query pool without any flotation devices. It's been tough, and I've been desperate to hear from other authors who are querying the same agents as I am. When did you send your query? Did s/he respond? Did you get a request? *grumbles to self* Why didn't I get a request? Why haven't I heard? Do I suck?

This comparitory behavior spills over into other facets. What a cool blog. I need a new blog. My posts are so lame, my colors are so old, I need to update my list. She has so many followers. On and on and on. That website...her agent...that contest...his book. Holy brown cows--do I suck?

So late last week I decided to stop. That's right. S-T-O-P (in the name of love!). I decided that most of the comparing I've been doing is like trying to compare apples and oranges. And we all know that never works. And I found myself sliding into a deep pool of writing funk because of all the comparisons I was making. (Click here if you don't know what the pool of writing funk is. It's nasty, trust me.)

I started comforting myself with these thoughts instead of my Do I suck? thoughts.

• Maybe Super Agent X rejected my query when s/he requested from my virtual bff, but my unibrow is way more impressive, I'm certain of it. Finally! My vow of no pluckage pays off!
  
  
• She won that contest, but I just ate half a can of those onion things that are supposed to be a garnish on green bean casserole by myself! Top that! Can't do it, can ya? I thought not.
  
  
• He may have just signed a big contract, but I slept until 10 today! Victory is mine!

And I managed to trick myself into having a good weekend. And I did eat those French's fried onion things. Like potato chips. Mmm.

So here's my question: Do you ever compare yourself to others? Their writing? Their blogs? Their published books? Their query success? And if you do, how do you stop yourself from being buried under these comparisons? How do you stop the thought of Dude, do I suck?

And yes, I really do have a unibrow. I know you wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if you weren't 100% sure.