Writing A Query Letter - Part Five: Everything Else

The Hook, The Setup, The Conflict, and The Consequence are the four parts of the query letter. I believe you can write a killer query using those four parts.

I studied my query and decided that although it had received some praise, it could be better. Since the query letter is the gateway to getting your manuscript read, I wanted to have the shiniest gate I could.

And so I set out to accomplish it. I worked—hard. I broke my query letter down into the four parts and worked on them individually. Then I studied the query letters of others. I printed out the query letters of authors who had landed agents. I emailed friends who I knew had received significant requests and begged them to let me see their queries. Then I sat down at the kitchen counter and spread the queries out on the counter. I started at the top, took notes, and wrote my query by hand. This didn't just "happen." I made it happen. You can too.

Everything Else:

1. Title and Word Count
Some agents say to dive right into the book. Some want the genre and word count up front. Do your research and switch the parts around according to the agent's tastes. But generally, I like to start my query with the title (in all caps) and word count with a lead into my hook.

I am pleased to submit for your consideration my young adult urban fantasy, THE MIRROR. In this 95,000-word tale of magic, mystery and romance, sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm. It's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

2. Marketing and Comparisons
I noticed that almost all of the query letters had some sort of paragraph after the blurb that told a little more about their book. Marketing, a twist on something, a comparison to published books. Something. So I crafted one of those for my novel.

Not just another ghost story, the Shadows in THE MIRROR bring a magical twist to life beyond death. THE MIRROR will appeal to readers who enjoy the paranormality of A GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEAUTY, and also to those who fell in love with the romance of TWILIGHT.

3. The bio
Many authors agonize over this. I have no publishing credits, so I simply omit this portion of the query. Many agents advise the same thing.

Then you need to wrap it up with a simple, "If you would like to consider THE MIRROR, I'd be happy to forward the complete manuscript at your request. [I put requested material here, like if they ask for the first three chapters, the first five pages, etc. Maybe a personal blurb about their blog or something if I feel it's relevant.]"

And end with, "Thank you for your time and consideration."

So my query looks like this:

I am pleased to submit for your consideration my young adult urban fantasy, THE MIRROR. In this 95,000-word tale of magic, mystery and romance, sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm. It's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

Whenever she's high, Annie has vivid visions of a death she can't remember and a boy she's never met. When she meets Jonathan Clarke, the ghostly boy from her hallucinations, she realizes her drug use has masked the abilities she's inherited from her magic-keeping mother. Wielding magic isn't everything it's cracked up to be; Annie discovers her newfound powers can't cure her terminally ill mother.

Annie learns she has the rare power to bring immortal beings (Shadows) living in another realm back into the human world. Jon has been searching for someone with Annie’s Mirror power for a century. He's desperate for her to restart his heart so he can become human again, but his Reflection can't be completed until she balances the magic. Their problems double when she learns there are evil Shadows who plan to kill her and take control of the realm. One of Jon's old friends is leading the resistance and attempts to recruit him, while Annie discovers one of her friends is really working against her. If Jon and Annie can't find a way to achieve balance, Reflections and potions won't do any good. There is no spell to revive the dead.

Not just another ghost story, the Shadows in THE MIRROR bring a magical twist to life beyond death. THE MIRROR will appeal to readers who enjoy the paranormality of A GREAT AND TERRIBLE BEAUTY, and also to those who fell in love with the romance of TWILIGHT.

If you would like to consider THE MIRROR, I'd be happy to forward the complete manuscript at your request.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

ElanaJ

I hope you've found something useful you can use in The Writing of your Query Letter. Please feel free to email me at elanajohnson@QueryTracker.net if you have a specific question about queries or to discuss anything query related. Good luck!

Writing A Query Letter - Part Four: The Consequence

The final element you need in your query letter is the consequence. What will happen if the MC doesn't solve the problem? Doesn't get what they want? Will evil forces achieve world domination? Will her brother die? Is it a race against time across Antarctica to find the long lost jewel of the Nile? What's the consequence?

In the queries I've read, this is what's lacking the most. The consequence. You've hooked me, set me up, explained the conflict that's keeping me from getting what I want, but…what will happen if I don't solve the conflict? That's the consequence. If you're having trouble identifying yours, it's time to go back to the revising stage—in the novel.

Let's examine my query letter in full. (Well, it's not the whole letter; I’m planning a bonus post on Everything Else for tomorrow. Yanno, word count, genre, bio.)

Sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm—it's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

Whenever she's high, Annie has vivid visions of a death she can't remember and a boy she's never met. When she meets Jonathan Clarke, the ghostly boy from her hallucinations, she realizes her drug use has masked the abilities she's inherited from her magic-keeping mother. Wielding magic isn't everything it's cracked up to be; Annie discovers her newfound powers can't cure her terminally ill mother.

Annie learns she has the rare power to bring immortal beings (Shadows) living in another realm back into the human world. Jon has been searching for someone with Annie’s Mirror power for a century. He's desperate for her to restart his heart so he can become human again, but his Reflection can't be completed until she balances the magic. Their problems double when she learns there are evil Shadows who plan to kill her and take control of the realm. One of Jon's old friends is leading the resistance and attempts to recruit him, while Annie discovers one of her friends is really working against her. If Jon and Annie can't find a way to achieve balance, Reflections and potions won't do any good. There is no spell to revive the dead.

That last sentence is my consequence. You need one to complete the query letter. It should be just as "hooky" as the hook to leave the reader (AKA: agent) salivating to request the full. Also, did you notice how my consequence ties back to my hook? In the hook, Annie has to control the magic to balance the realm, and the consequence directly states what will happen if she doesn't. It's made a complete circle for full closure. That's what you want.

Your job: Separate your consequence from the rest of your query letter. Is it concise? Do you even have one? If not, this is a novel problem, not a query letter problem. Is it a cliffhanger? Enough to entice the reader to want to read the entire book?

Missed the other three parts of a query letter? Click to read The Hook, The Setup, and The Conflict. Tomorrow, I'm posting a bonus post: Writing the Query Letter – Everything Else.

Drying Off From the Pool of Writing Funk

Man, this chain was awesome. I love reading about all the things my sunblock-slathered friends do to get out and stay out of the Pool of Writing Funk. I think I may have inadvertantly cursed some of them...ahem. Hopefully, they'll forgive me.

I started the chain with my totally awesome clips from The Office.

Leah ponders her way out of the pool with music and calls to her mom. I totally let that slide because she is just so durn snarftastic--and she did give an insightful response.

Heather got the chain all sticky with her Ghostbusters 2 clip. But it was perfectly perfect. That river of negativity sometimes flows under my house, and only my house. And her marathon quote made it on the wall next to my blue chair so I can read it daily.

Jess tried to smite the pool with her mighty pen. And she conquered by resolving never to give up. She had THE COOLEST video on her post. Give it at least a minute to get started, and you won't be sorry.

Mary flat out refused to get near the pool. The nerve. (ha ha!) Her half-glass-full attitude--and her kids--keep her from getting even a toe wet.

The lovely Kate refrained from swimming in the pool due to illness. Hopefully she feels defunkified by now. We all appreciate the stoppage of the spreadage of germs during this infectious time.

Archetype denies the existance of such a pool. Then she reminds us that taking a break is okay, and that writing should be enjoyable. Then she acquiesced to my *demand* of something funny with the infamous LOL cats (which totally makes me happy).

Michelle hosed herself off by reading and doing dishes. The lol cat at the top was made of awesome. And I love being referred to as "my fabulous Elana." I think everyone should start calling me that.

Sandra got up her gumption and brilliantly mixed in a little motorcycle metaphor. She's not in the lake people, she's in the ocean. It's deep--and awesome.

Abi went straight for the writing elixir, which sounds dangerous and exciting at the same time. Especially when I found out she overlooks the ocean. So. Not. Fair.

And that's the hot-towel wrap up. I hope you enjoyed the chain as much as I did. And in other blog chainerific news, we'll be including two new bloggers in the next round of chain madness! Kat and Christine don't know what they've signed on for--mwa, ha, ha!

Writing A Query Letter - Part Three: The Conflict

So you've hooked and setup up your query letter. Now to the part that everyone wants to read—the conflict. Every novel needs it. In fact, the more conflict, the better. In the query letter, you want to highlight the main conflict, not every single one in every single chapter. You can't even do that in the synopsis, so don't try.

Main conflict [meyn kon-flikt]: The central thing that prevents the character from getting what they want.

If you didn't setup what the character wants in the setup, you can do it during the conflict. For example, here are my examples from the past couple of days.

Hook: Sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm—it's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

Setup: Whenever she's high, Annie has vivid visions of a death she can't remember and a boy she's never met. When she meets Jonathan Clarke, the ghostly boy from her hallucinations, she realizes her drug use has masked the abilities she's inherited from her magic-keeping mother. Wielding magic isn't everything it's cracked up to be; Annie discovers her newfound powers can't cure her terminally ill mother.

So the next paragraph is the conflict.

Annie learns she has the rare power to bring immortal beings (Shadows) living in another realm back into the human world. Jon has been searching for someone with Annie’s Mirror power for a century. (Both of these sentences are still setting up the conflict.) He's desperate for her to restart his heart so he can become human again, but his Reflection can't be completed until she balances the magic. (Jon wants to be human, but…) Their problems double when she learns there are evil Shadows who plan to kill her and take control of the realm. (Oh, crap.) One of Jon's old friends is leading the resistance and attempts to recruit him, while Annie discovers one of her friends is really working against her. (What? A friend that's really an enemy? That can't be good…)

I've actually included a sentence for Jon, one for Annie, and one for both of them. Jon's main conflict is that he wants a beating heart, and he can't get it until Annie balances the magic in his realm. Annie's main conflict is that she could die at the hands of any Shadow (including Jon's) at any time—oh, and don't forget about balancing the magic. Their main conflict together is they both have friends who aren't really their friends—and who would do anything to destroy them. No biggie, right? It took me 106 words to explain the conflict. Five sentences (and two of those were still setup). Find the main conflict and highlight that. Trust me, your query will thank you. Agents will thank you. Readers who read the blurb on the back of your book will thank you.

Now it's your turn. Here's the hook, setup, and conflict from the second novel I've been highlighting this week. Can you identify the main conflict for Vi?

Hook: In a world where Thinkers control the population and the Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Vivian Schoenfeld does a spectacular job of shattering them to pieces.

Setup: Refusing to listen to the Tapes, stealing an old ID card, and walking in the park after dark with a boy land Vi in prison. The Good are usually separated from the Bad, but Vi finds herself sharing a cell with beautiful Bad boy, Jag Barque.

Conflict:

Because Jag and Vi are Free-Thinkers, they're banished to the Badlands, a place Vi fears but has always wanted to go. Secrets about her missing father and dead sister, combined with who—or what—she really is, lead her down a road full of difficult decisions. Falling for Jag further complicates Vi's life as she faces her new role, one she's always despised—being in Control.

I admit, this one is much harder—even for me, and I wrote the darned thing. What do you think? What's the main conflict?

Your job: No novel is complete without conflict. What's yours? Can you clearly identify it for your main character in one sentence? Pull your conflict section out of your query letter and make sure it clearly explains the main conflict for your novel.

Get ready for the final element of The Query Letter – The Consequence – tomorrow. Did you miss the first two installments? Click here for The Hook, and here for The Setup.

Writing A Query Letter - Part Two: The Setup

Okay, once you've hooked the agent to read your whole query letter, you've got to deliver. You can't just have a hook and then let everything else slide. Following the hook, you need to get to the problem. This requires a little bit of setup. Yesterday, you may have noticed that I included the age of the protag in my hooks. Of course I specify my genre, but the agent knows right away which age group it is. Little details like that contribute to the setup in your query even if they're not in the setup portion.

In the setup, you have a few goals:
1. Provide a few details about who your main character is. You've hooked the agent to find out more about your main character, so give them what they want.

2. World-building information if pertinent. For fantasy and science fiction, a little taste of the world would go in the setup section of the query. For mystery, horror, thriller or other genres, including the setting here wouldn't be a bad idea.

3. The catalyst that moves the main character into the conflict (tomorrow's post).

Let's look at this hook I posted yesterday. Sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm—it's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

Here's the paragraph right after it—the setup.

Whenever she's high, Annie has vivid visions of a death she can't remember and a guy she's never met. (details) When she meets Jonathan Clarke, the ghostly boy from her hallucinations, she realizes her drug use has masked the abilities she's inherited from her magic-keeping mother. (Details = Annie inherits magic. World-building = magic-keeping mother, hmm...) Wielding magic isn't everything it's cracked up to be; Annie discovers her newfound powers can't cure her terminally ill mother. (More details = Annie's mom is sick. World-building = magic can't fix everything. Catalyst for next para on the conflict = magic can't fix everything, Annie's powers are new and she can't do what she wants with them.)

This setup paragraph is three sentences, only 65 words. But (I think, I hope, I pray) it tells more about Annie, more about the magic, and drives the agent toward the main conflict in the story. That's what you want your setup section of the query letter to do. Don't bog us down in too many details. Don't introduce your entire cast of secondary characters. Don't try to impress with sentences that are 65 words long by themselves. Just lay it out for us. Remember, you want to get to the conflict. Think of the setup as a bridge from the sharp hook to the cliffhanger conflict.

Okay, your turn. Using this hook I posted yesterday and the setup paragraph below, can you tell if I've met the goals for the setup paragraph?

Hook: In a world where Thinkers control the population and the Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a spectacular job of shattering them to pieces.

Setup:

Refusing to listen to the Tapes, stealing an old ID card, and walking in the park after dark with a boy land Vi in prison. The Good are usually separated from the Bad, but Vi finds herself sharing a cell with beautiful Bad boy, Jag Barque.

In these two sentences (47 words) can you find the details? Can you identify where more is revealed about the world Vi lives in? What's the catalyst that will propel the agent forward to the conflict?

Now these examples might not be stellar. Remember, they're just my query letters, and I'm no expert. The first one has seen some good requests. The second hasn't been queried yet.

Your job: go examine your setup paragraph. Does it reveal details, build your world (or identify the setting), and propel you toward the conflict? Can't even find it? Um, Houston you have a problem. You need to be able to clearly identify your setup so you can know if you're, well, setting up your conflict.

Didn't see part one of Writing the Query Letter – The Hook? Click here to see it. Watch for the next section, Writing the Query Letter – The Conflict, tomorrow.

Writing A Query Letter - Part One: The Hook

This series of articles was first published on the QueryTracker blog. I wrote them, so I'm going to post them here as well.

Okay, people. We all know that to secure a literary agent, you need to write a stellar query letter. You can get feedback at various writerly sites, but none better than the QueryTracker forum. People there are nice, honest, and want to see you succeed.

I know, I know. There are literally hundreds of websites where you can go to find out how to write a query letter. But, um, the fact is, you don't want just a query letter. You want a great query letter—one that sets yours above the others.

I know, I know, I know. There are literary agents who have blogged on how to craft these suckers. They're right. They have good advice. I'm no literary agent, nor an expert, but I did take a class at a conference on writing a killer query. We had to submit our letters before the class and the published author teaching the class reviewed them. Mine wasn't like, awesome or anything. But it did, ahem, win. I didn't get a publishing contract or even a bar of chocolate. I did get a round of applause for my hook and several nods from industry people. You know the kind. The nod of approval, large initial bend with several smaller nods of the head. One editor said she'd definitely like to read my book from the query letter. She did. I got rejected. Life goes on.

So I'm going to share what I learned in the class. It made my query better. The instructor taught that there are four parts to an effective query. I'm only going to talk about the first one today, and we'll visit the other parts soon.

Part One - The Hook

You need a good hook. Scratch that. You need a phenomenal hook. Something that really grabs the reader and says, "Read this! It's gonna be good! Then request my full!" In my opinion, the hook should do two things. 1. Grab the reader (aka the agent) and propel them through the whole letter. 2. Sum up the main plot of the novel.

Here are some I've used/written:

Jonathan Clarke has everything a seventeen-year-old boy could want—except for a beating heart.

This screams fantasy of some kind. At least to me. Or maybe that screaming in my head isn't supposed to be there…Anyway, I had a couple of full requests using that hook. I think it's quite grabby and it does tell the main plot, the driving force behind much of the novel. This dude, Jon, he really wants a beating heart and you better read to find out how/when/if he gets one.

Then I rewrote the book, which of course changed the main plot. So the hook changed to this:

Sixteen-year-old Annie Jenkins must control the magic to balance the realm—it's too bad her unknown abilities are hidden beneath her inhalant addiction.

I received a few more full requests—and a few more rejections. Apparently I can write a pretty good query letter, but not a good novel. Oh, and I'm a lover of the em-dash, what can I say? But this hook does, again, tell the main plot. All in 23 words. (I know, mine are kinda long.)

Sometimes the hook can be a little longer, like this one I wrote for a different novel:

In a world where Thinkers control the population and the Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet Schoenfeld does a spectacular job of shattering them to pieces. (29 words, but no em-dash! Go me!)

This hook A) Hopefully propels you to read the rest of the letter, and B) tells the main plot of the novel. That's what you want your hook to do.

I don't think there's one right way to write the hook, but lots of wrong ways. The point is, you need a hook. A good one. A strong one. A sharp one.

Your job: get out your whetstone and sharpen those hooks!

Look for part two of Writing the Query Letter - The Setup tomorrow.

Comment Contest Winner!

This was so much fun for me! If you didn't see my first post on how all this comment-wackiness came about, check it out here and here.

So onto the contest! There were many funny entries. I loved them all.

Like this one by Lisa. "I am not allowed to eat burnt toast, it gives me the RESHIES." It's a standing joke with my family that I eat my toast "burnt." It's so not burnt. It's simply brown. Yet I've been teased about "burning my toast" for twelve years. So the inside joke is pretty durn funny.

Mandie cracks me up just because of who she is. Her comment was priceless. "Gramma wished me Mazel Tov while I was sitting on my tuchus in the SMAZI--oy vey!" Even though I'm not entirely sure what it means, she had me at tuchus and then that oy vey! LOL.

Now, I'm really torn. I'm going to choose a winner from the five finalists below.

1. I loved Mary Lindsey's comment. "CONANTER the Barbarian gazed dolefully at his broadsword as he donned the pale pink tu-tu, regretting the loss of the bet with his older brother, Conan." I mean, how funny is that?

2. But I love Cole Gibsen's too. Another inside thing, but it is FUN-nee. "nonsc –verb (used with object)
1. Nonsc is what LOL cats do when their mouths are too sticky with peaunut butter to nom." And I sorta think she should get bonus points for defining that it's a verb. That went a long way in my teacher book.

3. Archetype had me at "Dude." Usually anything with "dude" will win me over. "Dude, have you seen those awesome GRASTSHI hedges they used to write Elana's name?"

4. Then Authoress joined the party with "MENAR at the root of every evil in a woman's life." Couldn't. Stop. Laughing. Then she posted "Indiana Smith, archaeological hero wannabe, burst into the chamber, startling the bound and blindfolded heroine, who cried, "UNTSTI me, you fool!"" Indiana Smith? Awe-some! UNTSTI me? Holy made of awesome.

5. And Ali's "I'm an idiot and cannot think of an hillarious way to use the word FIGHTIVE so I giveupive." made my day. I'm going to have to start putting -ive at the end of everythingive. Or maybe notive. LOL.


And the winner is...Mary Lindsey! I just can't get over CONANTER. I sorta want to name my next hero Conanter. He could go by "Co" for short. Or "Nanter." Now that's funny!

Mary wins the $10 Barnes and Noble gift card! Yay! Email me at elanajohnson (at) gmail (dot) com for instructions...WOOT!

Comment Contest Closed

Thanks to everyone who participated in the first comment contest! It is now officially over.

Yay! I laughed many, many times. I will be back later today with the winner!

Comment Contest!

Hello my peeps. Today I'm hosting my first Comment Contest! This is gonna be awesome, so I hope you've donned yourself in the appropriate attire. Bathing suit, seatbelts, battle armor, whatev.

Da Rules:
1. Leave a comment on THIS post.

2. The comment has to be a single sentence. Not two. Not three. Not even a one-word second sentence. One sentence. Em-dashes, commas, hyphens, and semi-colons are welcome at this party.

3. The sentence must use your verification word in it in a unique and interesting way. Oh, and it must make sense. (Side note: NO CHEATING. You get the word you get, and you can't throw a fit. That's what I tell the kids at school. This means no exiting the page because you "don't like" your verification word. I have no way to police this, so police yourselves people.)

4. Post said sentence with said verification word by Friday, January 23 at 12 Noon MST. For those of you slightly math-challenged, that's 2PM Eastern, 11 AM Pacific.

5. Since I am the queen of Mindless Musings, I will choose the one that makes me spray Sprite out my nose the most and meet you back here with the dripping wet winner Friday evening. Or Saturday morning. Or whenever I get through the entries.

6. This contest is open to anyone. Writers, non-writers, boys, girls, band geeks, professional couch potatoes, everyone. Because of this, please make sure your entry is PG. And spread the word! I want to laugh this weekend!

7. The prize? $10 gift card at Barnes and Noble.

Ready? Set...Go!

A Good Day!

For the first time in a long time, I had a good Monday!

First, my entry on Miss Snark's First Victim was chosen by the Secret Agent! I won third place, which isn't too bad out of 51 entries. I get to send my first chapter to Sarah Davies. Very exciting.

Second, Archetype published my articles on How to Write a Query Letter on her website. She blogs about them here, and you can go directly to them by clicking here. That's exciting for me too. Someone actually thinks what I have to say is important? Very cool. Oh, and by the way, I posted a comment thanking Archetype, and my verification word was punwar. No, I am not kidding. Just, yanno, getting ready for tomorrow's contest...

General Hilarity

I love to laugh. I think everyone should have at least one good belly-laugh every single day. So today's post is going to be things I found funny enough to use my belly-laugh on. They may or may not be funny to you, because, well you know, sometimes you just have to be there. But here goes.

This past weekend, I was hanging out with my brother and sister-in-law and another sister-in-law. I was with relatives, sheesh. Both SIL's who were there are super-skinny, and I think we've all established that I'm not. So they know I'm doing the Biggest Loser thing at school--I interrupt this for a public service announcement: I lost 4 pounds last week. Did I tell you I was going to kill this thing?--and they were telling me about the exercise they do.

One SIL then said, "I love raisin bars. I have some for breakfast, some for lunch, and then a sensible dinner. It's like the Slim-Fast plan, only different."

I lost it. My belly-laugh was way too loud. It was just soo funny. In case you don't know what raisin bars are, think of raisin-filled cookies with no top crust. See? Carb-counters of the world, you could be on the raisin bar diet.

Then we started playing Wizard. It's this card game sort of like hearts. The same SIL goes, "So I have to play...(looks around the table)...clovers?"

I was like, "Um, they're called clubs." Spew!

These things may have been funny because I was on my second Mucinex pill of the day. I don't know, but I seriously could not stop laughing.

My SIL's are my favorite people. On to something different. In a forum I participate in, we were discussing which word to use for something, I can't even remember what. The choices came down to "with" or "using". The general consensus came to "using." One lady posted, "I like using too. *snort*"

That caused a fit of online giggling, rolling on the floor laughing, and other general mayhem. It was FUN-nee.

I'm gonna go confessional on you now. I love reality TV. I even DVR'ed "America's Toughest Jobs" and it should have been called "America's Dumbest Show." I watched almost to the end. Anyway, so we're watching American Idol this week. My husband says, "Is that an apron Paula's wearing?" I almost died laughing. Let me see if I can find a pic. I can't. Oh well. It was the black, sparkly one that really did look like an apron. Very funny.

That's all I can think of right now. But I'm going to have a funny contest on my blog this week...get ready to use those weird and wonky words you've been seeing around...while commenting...

Getting In (and Out) of the Pool of Writing Funk

It's time for the blog chain again, and this time, you have to put up with me. That's right, folks, I get to choose the topic. Since I've been struggling with this the past few days weeks months, I'm interested to know what other writers do. We're gonna be all over the Elana-pool today, so prepare yourselves. Maybe a life jacket or two. One of those buoy things. Whatever keeps you afloat.

Ready? Let's jump in.


When you're in a pool of writing funk, how do you get out? And this is the deep end, people. Answers like, "take a walk" or "call my mom" won't cut it. That will leave you splashing in the deep end without a life preserver. And I had to fire my lifeguard last week for obvious budget cuts, so don't even go there. This is deep, people.

Now doggie paddle to the shallow end. I want your favorite funny and/or thing that makes you happy. A cartoon. A quote. An lol cat (just for you Michelle). A song. Something I can steal and put in my arsenal to combat the writing blues. Pull out your best one, peeps. I need something good this month. You never know, your "life-saver" could become mine. Yes, I'm just that illegal.


Not sure what the Pool of Writing Funk is? Maybe you've heard of the Lake of Self-Doubt. No? The Ocean of What-the-heck-am-I-doing? Or maybe each rain drop in your life seems to whisper, "You're not good enough." These all contribute to the pool.

So I guess I have to wallow in my own pool. When I'm in a funk, which seems to be happening every other day these days, what do I do? First, I don't wallow alone. That's right. I drag others down with me. Lol! No, seriously, my writerly friends are a tremendous help to me. All it takes is a post, an email or an IM and I'm with people who understand. (I guess you could say you call your mom if she's also a writer and knows what it feels like to be on the losing end of this whole writing thing. Otherwise, don't…just don't.)

Another thing I try to do when I'm feeling out of sorts is read. I've had to make the rule that blogs and forums don't count. A book. An article. (Right, like I'm that deep. Puh-lease.) Mostly books. I also plan an escape. For me, this is into a virtual world. I love to play video games. I killed Piñata Party. I raised those piñatas like nobody's business. My garden ruled. I also like Bookworm, and that game always provides an escape for me. From life, from writing, from that stupid character who just won't do what I want them to. Or the plot hole. Yeah, I run from those.


Okay, give me a sec to get to the shallow end of the pool. Whenever I need something to make me spew on the screen, I retreat to the TV. I know, I know, some of you don't like TV. But there is nothing like watching an episode of The Office. Maybe Seinfeld. Now that you can watch pretty much anything you want OnDemand, I can always slam the computer closed and curl up on the couch with the remote in hand. I love to laugh, and there's nothing like a good sitcom to cheer me up. Here's my favorite clip from The Office. Yeah, I like physical humor stuff.



That is my kind of exercise!

And this one is the funniest thing I've seen in like, forever. I rewound it over and over. Dwight is my favorite character. Well, maybe Jim. Or Stanley. Dude, I love them all!



Can't. Stop. Laughing. And that's the shallow end of the Elana-pool, people.

Ahem, back to the Pool of Writing Funk. All this and you don't even have to wear your swimming suit to dive into this pool. Check out what Leah does while floundering in the pool and meet me back here for a complete hot-towel wrap up at the end of the chain.

I'm the Biggest Loser

So my school is doing this Biggest Loser thing for the new year. I figured since I am F-A-T (and that's not phat, which would be totally yanno, phat), I decided to sign up. The teacher is charge is hilarious (more on that in a sec). We get points for drinking water, eating veggies, not drinking soda, the works. I'm gonna have to squeeze in 30 minutes of exercise time every day. Can't let the team down.

Which team? That's right--we were organized into teams. The names made me spew my Weight Watchers soup. "Bringing Sexy Back" was my favorite. Sadly, I didn't get put on that team. My team is "Team Lose-A-Lot." I guess that's okay, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?

Anyway, here's the funniest part. We got a list of "rules" for the Biggest Loser. "If you starve yourself, you are out." That's pretty good. Nuthin' like trying to keep the teachers alive.

This one is my absolute favorite. I wish I could be this witty. "There is no fighting, gossiping, name calling, bickering, accusing, punching, kicking, blackmailing, pulling hair, whining, putting weight-gaining drugs in other people's food, cheating, tripping other players so as to stop them from exercising, arguing, evil conspiring, giving evil looks, stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy, taking weight-loss pills, etc."


Can't. Stop. Laughing. "...stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy..."

The contest starts today and I'm going to kill it. Kill. It. It doesn't hurt that I've spent the last year gaining as much weight as possible and am now the size of a small blue whale. But, you know, baby steps.

General Randomness

Let's get the serious stuff out there first. The most spectabulous post of the week: Michelle McLean blogs on research. Check it out.

Slightly less serious: I wrote a series on Writing the Query Letter on the QT blog. Check it out if you're getting ready to query. It's starts with a hook...

Way down on the serious scale: It occurred to me that I cycle through things on a fairly regular basis. The most noticeable of this trend is the music I listen to. Often, there is one song I want to set on repeat, all others disregarded. This month's song? I know I have you on the edge of your seats. I'm gonna go all Bob Barker on you and make you wait. I first heard this song on Pandora, which I swore to my principal would change her life. I'm not sure if she actually went to the music site and listened, but if she did, trust me, her life was changed. Yours could be, too. Anyway, I was writing or surfing or editing or something and had the headies on. This song came on. You guessed it. iTunes earned 99 cents in less than five seconds. I loved it. It's my "happy song" now. I listen to it--really loud--because it makes me happy. Love it.

So what song is it? Here (In Your Arms) by Hellogoodbye. It's my song of the month. I have others I could name from past months, but I won't. Whenever Here gets recycled to the bottom of the playlist, I'll let you know what replaces it. I'm sure you'll be anxiously awaiting that day. *snarfalicious, baby*

Best Reads of 2008

I'm going to list some books I read last year and why they are made of awesome. In no particular order since I don't keep track of that kind of stuff. I mean, I can barely keep track of what I did yesterday.

Percy Jackson and the Battle of the Labyrnth by Rick Riodian. I love Percy. I want to be Percy. This was a great fourth installment in the half-blood series. Loved it. It's great for boys, and since I have one of those I'm trying to keep in the reading habit, this was a must-read.









Peeps by Scott Westerfeld. Yeah, like I could do this list without a SW pick. Come on. The man is a genius. This is a vampire book that's not a vampire book. No blood sucking. No blood lust. No blood, period. My type of vamp novel. The sequel is on my "To Read" list for 2009.



A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. I'm not one for historicals. I don't watch movies made before I was born. You thought I was kidding about that. I wasn't. But this book was wonderful. A little romance, a little scandal, a little ghosts. What else could you want?









Maximum Ride by James Patterson. I loved this middle grade series about Avian Americans. If that doesn't grab you, I just don't know what else to say. Humor, funk, a hot guy, and wings. Come on, people. You can't get much better than that.



Storm Front by Jim Butcher. This idea--a wizard practicing among mortals--was well-done. I liked Harry Dresden and ran right out and got the second book in the series. It's not YA, but...we'll cut some slack here. I mean, it's wizards! Well, one wizard. And a very big scorpion. You can't go wrong with that combo.








Twisted by Laurie Halse Anderson. I still have Tyler in my mind. This was one of the first YA novels I read to introduce myself to the genre. I only have one word: Wow. Then I went and read everything I could find by Ms. Anderson. A great book for anyone struggling through life.



Well, I'm gonna wrap it up there. I'm sure I read more books than this (yes, I really did), and maybe I'll post some more in a couple of days. Oh, and I'm carefully crafting my reading list for 2009. I'm going to try for 50 books this year. So what should I read?

An Interview with ElanaJ

Blog chain time again. This time Abi started the party and I'm up next. It's hard to go so soon in the chain, I have to admit. I need a lot of stewage time for things I'm "putting out there."

Luckily, this didn't require too many brain cells. Abi presented some questions for this round.

1. What writing related things have you done in the past?
2. What WiP's (work in progress) are you working on now?
3. Do you have anything brewing for the future?
4. Are you setting any writing goals or resolutions for 2009?

I think I'm gonna tackle all of them. I mean, it's the new year, I gotta be an overachiever for once. By the time February hits, I'll be back to taking the easy way out, trust me.

And just to spice it up, I'm gonna pretend like it's an interview between me and some fabulously good-looking male writer at Entertainment Weekly. Hey, it's good practice for when I get published, right? Yeah, let's go with that.

EW: What writing related things have you done in the past?
EJ: Well, I've not really done anything. In fact, I hated English in high school and college. I took AP English in hs just to get out of taking it later. No joke. I started writing in November 2007 as an escape from something traumatic that happened to me. With words, I stopped living in a black-and-white world.

EW: What are you working on now?
EJ: What aren't I working on now? Ha ha! No, seriously, I'm currently revising a novel about ghosts. If they weren't already dead, I would kill them. They aren't really cooperating right now, but I'm typing them into submission. That's my January project. In February, I've already slated my writing time to finishing my NaNo novel. I need an ending. And a climax. It's too bad there isn't like a "Stellar Plots R Us" in my neighborhood.

EW: Do you have anything brewing for the future?
EJ: I always have something brewing, baby. Right now, I'm focusing on finishing up revisions and finding an ending for my novel. But I did start a straight YA novel in December. Shocking, I know. No super powers. No cool technology. Nothing. Just high school. But that can be the most dangerous place in the universe, so we'll see.

EW: What are your goals or resolutions for 2009?
EJ: Write everyday. In fact, I already blogged on this. I'm going to add one thing to that list. I'm going to take on PJ Hoover's challenge to read 50 books in 2009. Oh, and HL Dyer posted this on the QT blog, and it pretty much summed up my goals for 2009.

EW: Thanks ElanaJ, for spending time with us today. We look forward to reading your novels in print one day.
EJ: I had such a lovely time with the guy from EW. We ate Drake's coffee cake in a sunny lounge in downtown San Diego. Here's hoping everyone has a wonderful, success-filled year! Check out Terri's post, the next link in the blog chain.

My Dream Lives Into the New Year

I have self-diagnosed myself with mailbox-induced palpitations. Every time I check the mail, my heart thuds painfully in my chest. This is because I have two full submissions out--both sent through snail mail with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. I don't want to see that envelope. Not now. Not ever.

And now that it's the new year, my dream lives. I know I won't get one more rejection in 2008. Now, 2009, that's another story. I'm planning to get rejected over and over this year. But at least my dream for the novel I have out is not dead--yet.

Inspired by a friend's post, I decided to write down some goals for myself this year.

1. Finish my NaNo novel. I have about 75,000 words, but no ending. I'm going to devote my writing time to this project in February. January's already full up.

2. Query for a new project beginning in March. That is, if my novel dreams aren't shattered by the mailbox before then.

3. Sign up for the tennis tournament this summer. (Easy)

4. Be ready to play in the tennis tournament this summer. (Slightly harder)

5. Believe in myself and persevere through whatever 2009 brings.

I could put that I'm going to get an agent this year, but the fact is, that may or may not happen. It's something I don't really have ultimate control over--and believe me that's the most frustrating thing on the planet for a complete control-freak like me. I can only set goals that I can work on. I can query my project, thus, that's one of my goals. I can't force someone to like the project, request the project or offer representation on it. Thus, that's not one of my goals. I've learned to be realistic about this whole publishing thing. And realisticly, it takes time. And patience. I will do everything I can to write the best book I know how, then I'll throw myself to the query wolves.