Why I Cried Last Week

Oh, come on. You like the crying posts, I know you do. #youknowI'mababy #dealwithit

So I don't cry very often. Okay, only every week. Or whatever. But I've been feeling some angst. #sowhatelseisnew? #I'memotionallyintense #justaskmycritgroup

And I got an email that said this: "You're not the same girl who had to query and query and query."

That statement hit me like a ton of bricks. And I teared up. #sobfest Because the emailer* was so right. I've been living as someone I'm not. Or rather, someone I used to be. And it's time to stop living in that angst, that cesspool, as that girl.

She once was. I used to be her.

I'm working on silencing her, but she's very loud sometimes. Luckily, Bawl Baby Elana cries louder. But seriously, Query-Until-Your-Eyes-Bleed-Elana is part of who I am, but she does not get to define me now. I need to let her go.

So I'm going to.

Who do you need to cut loose? What part of yourself clings to you, maybe dictates your behavior? And when's the last time you had your own personal #sobfest?

*Names will not be released. #ifItoldyouI'dhavetokillyou

Yeah, All Right, So I Cried

See, I'm not much of a crier. Sure, I get misty-eyed at the occasional orchestra concert and other stuff like that. Sometimes I tear up while reading. Or last week when my son earned the Arrow of Light (the highest rank in cub scouts). Little stuff, you know? And tears rarely make it past my eyes cuz I blink them back like crazy.

But this past weekend, I went for the gold medal in crying. And it's not that pretty crying. No, more like these weird animal sounds and the need for an entire roll of toilet paper and then solitary confinement.

The worst part? Not knowing exactly why I'm so upset.

So yeah. I'll spare you the details.

This post isn't about my issues, it's about encouragement. Where do you go when you've earned the gold in crying? Do you have someone that can lift you from the depths of despair? Something you read to inspire you?

I do. The problem? I rarely go there before we're watching Survivor and I'm sobbing on the couch. My DH is looking at me like I've gone crazy and the kids run for cover. Yeah, I'm a bottler. I think I can handle everything myself, that no one will understand anyway, and that hey, this isn't that big of a deal.

Until I have the gold.

So anyway, where do you find encouragement? Are you a source of strength for other people? How?