Stubborn or Stupid?

Okay, so today, I invited Gretchen McNeil to take over the blog. I wanted to post on perseverance, but you've all heard (and are bored by) my story. So welcome Gretchen!

------------

I'm Irish, so this question comes up frequently. In my personal life ("But mom, a street magician can totally make a decent living!"), in my choice of careers ("Okay, so I'm making the move from opera singer to circus clown. Awesome, right?") my existence has been a series of questionable choices.

Writing was really just par for the course.

(Both of those quotes were from real conversations I had with my mom, by the way. Bless her.)

Stubborn or stupid. When you write your first novel, there's an element of each that comes into play. I was stupid because I literally had no idea what I was getting into - both in terms of the actual technique of writing and the business of getting published. I was stubborn because in the face of insurmountable odds, I kept at it.

I wrote a novel. My first. And let me be frank: it sucked donkey balls. No joke. I pull it out sometimes just to remind myself how far I've come. I queried 137 agents with that manuscript and surprise, surprise - no takers. SHOCKING.

On the upside, I learned how to write. It's a craft (as much as I loathe myself for saying that) and you have to learn not only the tricks and pitfalls of the trade, but how you as an individual writer work. I learned how to write, and when I finished my next manuscript, I believed I had something special on my hands.

So did some other people. I had four offers of representation within two weeks.

Cue Beethoven's 9th Symphony complete with fireworks. I've arrived! This is it! I'm going to sell this book at auction and two years from now I'll be accepting the Oscar for the screenplay I adapted FROM MY OWN NOVEL!!!!

No joke, I half composed the acceptance speech in my head.

But things don't always happen the way we think they will. That manuscript didn't sell. It languished in submission land with a few close calls and a lot of passes.

Cue Chopin's Funeral March and crack open a bottle of wine, por favor.

It was a tough time. On the one hand I had an agent who really believed in me. On the other, I was convinced I'd never have a good idea again and would never be able to finish another manuscript and OH MY GOD WHY DON'T I JUST GIVE UP NOW AND SAVE MYSELF THE MISERY!

My inner monologues are so dramatic sometimes.

Stubborn or stupid. I refused to give up. Through fits and starts I wrote another manuscript. Better. Faster. Stronger. I loved it. My agent loved it.

An editor loved it.

POSSESS was born from a tough time. I had gone from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows and was half-convinced I'd never write anything ever again. But I'm stubborn. And a little bit stupid. I absolutely refused to give up, and trust me, if POSSESS hadn't sold I'd have been looking at some major life reevaluation. But because I refused to give up, here I am with a book coming out in just a few months. It wasn't the book I thought I'd publish first, but I'm still here.

Stubborn and stupid. And loving every minute.

Gretchen McNeil writes. YA mostly and she's repped by Ginger Clark of Curtis Brown. Her debut YA novel POSSESS will be published by Balzer + Bray for HarperCollins, August 23, 2011. She's a former coloratura soprano, the voice of Mary on G4's Code Monkeys and she currently sings with the LA-based circus troupe Cirque Berzerk. She's a founding member of vlog group the YARebels where she can be seen as "Monday" and an active member of The Enchanted Inkpot, a group blog of YA and middle grade fantasy writers.

----------

I won't lie, I'm sort of a fangirl for Gretchen. Be sure to follow her blog!

And are you stubborn or stupid? Wait. Don't answer that... Or do...

In It To Win It

Last week, I pondered on the worth of writing. So many of you shared your feelings with me, and that led to some personal thinkage time.

This is what I came up with: Are you in it to win it?

I rarely do anything I don't plan on succeeding (winning) in. That's a weird sentence. Anyway, since I love word math:

Elana = competitive

Elana = driven

Elana = willing to learn

Competitive + Driven + Willing to Learn = In It To Win It

So by the transitive property (yes, I majored in math in college, in fact, I have a math minor), Elana = In It To Win It

The reason I thought of all this is that my son was playing soccer last week. He's a great kid, really. But he did a lot of standing around. Now, those of you who've met me in real life wouldn't think that I could run. But I can. If there are dogs behind me.

But back when I was younger, I played competitive soccer. I was the defensive sweeper, which means I had to run. A lot. Maybe that's why I hate running now. Anyway, my son was doing some standing around, and we were talking about it at home.

And my DH said, "Mom's a hard worker. You wouldn't see her standing around on the field."

He was right. Because when I do something, I do it. In fact, when my husband and I were first engaged (man, today is personal story day! You like it. You know you do), we were playing basketball with his brothers. That's right. Me. With his three brothers. I'm sure you can imagine all kinds of scenarios for how this might end.

Me = competitve.

Me = playing with four grown men.

Me = cracked skull.

In fact, it was a piece of my eyebrow bone that was chipped off. I can still feel it under my skin. No joke. Not only that, but it was my fiancee that elbowed me in the face! And yes, I still married him.

And now I can't remember why I was telling you that story. Oh! When I do something, I do it. Including playing basketball to the death (if need be). Or soccer. Or crafting. Or teaching. Or driving fast.

When I do something, I do it.

So it is with this writing and publishing journey. I can't help it. It's in my genes. Yeah, I'm blaming the 'rents for this competitive streak that somehow keeps me going down in this winding road toward publication.

What about you? Are you in it to win it? Whatever "it" may be.

The Worth of Writing

So I had something else planned for today. Then I read Nathan Bransford's blog yesterday about the possibility of being crazy.

Um, anyone who knows me wouldn't hesitate to use this word to describe me. In fact, I have a T-shirt that says "crazy doesn't even begin to cover it". Really, I do.

But his post was more along the lines of this crazy dream of getting a book published. I definitely feel this kind of crazy. I've spent hours writing. Even more hours researching the business. Even more social networking. Critiquing. Editing. The whole nine yards.

Is it worth it?

Reading through the comments on Nathan's post, I see how other people endure their crazy moments. I've had a few things conspire against me recently, and I've had to make some priorities in my life.

While cleaning the garage: Is this worth keeping?

When my girl kidlet wants a popsicle and I want to say no: Is it worth the fight?

When the guy in front of me is going five under the speed limit: Is he worth passing? Do I even have room? Why is he only going 30??!!

But seriously. Sometimes I find myself in front of the computer late at night. The fan is on, cuz I like the white noise. The house is asleep. I've played my Bejeweled Blitz. I've read my blogs. I am calm.

And I'm writing. I've never asked myself if I'm crazy for aspiring to be a writer. I already know I'm crazy on many levels.

But every now and then, this question enter my mind: Is it worth it?

What do you think? Why is writing, and aspiring to become a published author, worth it? Whatever "it" may be.