Okay, so I think we're constantly growing and changing. We may think we know who we are, and what we stand for. In a lot of ways, we do. We each have "lines" we won't cross, or things we won't say, or other such things.
But from time to time, we're made aware of some things about ourselves that we thought we were okay with, only to find that we are, in fact, not okay with them.
It's a hard thing to face, especially as an adult--someone who shouldn't worry about what other people think about them.
But -- *whispers* -- we still do to some extent. And over the past several months, I've been wondering about myself.
See, it's pretty hard for me to open up to people. I have this wall up between me and others, and I actually like it. I don't like to hang out with large groups of people -- or even one-on-one is hard for me. It takes years for me to really come to be friends with people.
I care about them (I'm not a sociopath!), and I call them my friends, but I don't share personal information very often. I don't talk about personal things. As I've watched others, I've wondered, "Why don't I want to stay here and talk while my kids play?" or "Why don't I want to go to girl's night?" or "What's wrong with me that I'd rather be at home with my computer rather than hang out with my family?"
I've decided that there isn't anything really wrong with me. I took a personality test as part of my back-to-school activities, and I was labeled an "Achiever." I like to make lists; I like to get a lot of things done in a day; I like to do everything as efficiently as possible.
One of the characteristics of Achievers is that we constantly struggle to "get the next thing done," or "spend time with family and friends."
And it was comforting and eye-opening, because that is so me! I don't want to hang out while my kid plays, because I can get a lot done during that two hours! I can answer two dozen emails, organize a blog tour, format my next book, or write 2000 words in that two hours. I have things TO DO, you know?
So I've decided that it's okay that I like to get things done, but that all things need balance. And I do force myself to attend social situations, and be more friendly and open up more to trusted people. It's hard, but I can do it--I'll just add it to my list. *wink*
Have you ever had an eye-opening realization about who you are? Are you okay with it? We are, after all, who we are.
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