The Other Side of Normal

Okay, so that's probably a title of major bestseller or something. I'm too lazy to go look it up. I've just been thinking a lot about what "normal" is for me.

And I've realized that I'm not very normal. At least not the way I think other normal people are.

As a writer, I think that might automatically put us all outside the sphere of normal. When I tell people that I write books, I usually get a reaction like, "What? Normal people do that?"

No, no, they do not.

Because really, who wants to torture themselves over a period of many months drafting, revising, giving your work to someone specifically for them to tell you everything that's wrong with it, revising some more, and then submitting?

It's torture! Torture, people!

And we're choosing to do it!

Why? Why do we do that?

Because we're on the other side of normal. At least that's what I've decided. Because it is not normal to want to put yourself through hard things on purpose. Most of our lives are spent trying to make things easier. Heck, I spray Rain-X on my windshield so it's easier to scrape in the winter, easier for the wipers to work, easier, easier, easier.

Most of us want to operate on the path of least resistance.

But, somehow, writing is not the path of least resistance, and we're still doing it!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying we're crazy. Or that what we do is wrong, or abnormal, or anything negative. I've just been thinking about why I keep submitting my work over and over (and over) only to get those heart-wrenching emails of rejection. I must like it. Or I just operate on a different scale from normal.

I'm pretty sure I don't like it, so I'm going to go with being on the other side of normal.

What do you think? Have you ever thought about why you keep trying at this writing thing? Are you operating within the sphere of normal or on the other side?

It's kind of a party over here. We have bacon. Just sayin'.

A Few Thoughts on Validation

Okay, so I've had an interesting year. It was almost exactly a year to this date that I decided to break up with my first agent and seek a second. That process took a couple of months, and during that time, I decided to self-publish a novel that my first agent and I had submitted to publishers in New York.

That book was Elevated, and I think it's done pretty well out there. Since then, I've published two more novels and two novellas. I've had another book out on submission with my new agent that didn't sell.

I'll admit that it's getting a little...I don't know the right word. Taxing? Tiresome? Something along those lines. It's getting a little tiresome to keep beating my head against this wall of publishing.

Here's the thing: I think my stories are good. I've even had agents who thought they were good enough to submit to editors. Both of those are validating things, but for some reason, I still want that publishing contract. I want that validation with an editor, a marketing team, with readers, and with my author friends.

I've struggled with this for a while. I'll have weeks where I'm like, "Who cares? I'm still the same person no matter what. I don't care what people think." Then the next day, sometimes the next hour, I'm like, "I need the validation from All The People."

It's sort of a sickening seesaw. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. Maybe just wondering where you get your validation from? How can I gain more internal validation? Or maybe I have enough and that's why I haven't quit trying yet? 

When You Just Don't Care

Dude, okay, I have a confession to make. I've been writing for about 7 years. I've had a few periods of writer's block, or times when I've been so busy I don't have time to write. I've given myself permission to take a break and not work on anything writing-related.

But I've never felt this complete apathy I feel now. I don't have writer's block. I'm not too busy to write--the dozens of TV shows, movies, and sports I watch can testify to that. (And the zillions of games of Scramble with Friends and Memory...) I don't feel burned out, so I don't feel like I need a break.

I just don't care to write right now. I have things to work on--several in fact, and my writing partners probably hate me for not sending my chapters back to them. I feel bad about that, but not bad enough to get some words on the page instead of watching Project Runway.

So yeah.

I've wondered why I feel like this, and some people have given some suggestions. Maybe the projects I have aren't the right ones. Maybe I am burnt out. Maybe I could do some research and get inspired. Maybe I just need to force myself to write. Maybe this. Maybe that. Some encourage me to enjoy the break--and I am!

But maybe, just maybe, it's okay not to care right now. I can still be a real writer. I can still be considered an author. I don't have to write every day to be legit.

Have you ever felt like this? Did you embrace it or freak out?