If Writing Were A Reality TV Show

Holy next top model surviving on the big stage in Hollywood. I watch a lot of reality TV. And I wonder...what would the judges say if it there was a writing reality show? Like, say, Author Idol. Or America's Next Top Author. Or Writing with the Authors. Or So You Think You Can Write? Or Rejection Survivor. Hey! We should make a badge for that. *Kate? Kate?*

I hear Simon Cowell say, "That lacked originality." I think that could work on Author Idol.

I hear Tyra Banks say, "She's a model, but she's not model-ing." Totally works for writing too. "She's a writer, but she's not write-ing."

I hear Coach [on Survivor] say, "We'll see who the dragon slayer is." Well, okay, maybe that wouldn't be said on Rejection Survivor, but still.... I kinda like the idea of being the dragon slayer. Maybe I'll have to write a novel about a dragon slayer. Then I could live vicariously through my character. *snarf, snarf*

I hear Phil on Amazing Race say, "You had some problems there in the road block." Totally an appropriate comment on So You Think You Can Write? during the climax or whatever.

I hear Bobby Flay say, "Your culinary point of view isn't clear." This could apply to the point of view in a novel. Are you head hopping? Don't do it.

I hear Bruno Tonioli say, "You've got to bring the raunch back." Well...maybe not so much.

There could totally be a writing reality TV show. So I think I might type up a little proposal for Fox and see what they say. The show could consist of terrified-looking authors doing a reading of their own work. Papers clenched in trembling fingers. Then the judges (a panel of shark-tank agents or whatev) could confer, maybe get some of those kewl paddles with scores on them and give some feedback. Yes?

Here's a pop-quiz for you. Who would say these if writing were the topic on a reality show?

1. "I wouldn't read this if I were on my death bed. I think this is going to be the last week we have to listen to your drivel. Sorry."

2. "So tell me, Elana, what did you think of Christine's story? Does she deserve to be here next week? I mean, it's a million dollar publishing contract. That's a big decision."

3. "I'm sorry to say, your story is the last to 'arrive.' You have been eliminated from the competition."

4. "It sounded great. I just wish I knew how you view writing. You seem to be all over the place with your genres. You need to narrow in on just one."

5. "You took a concept that has been used and made it your own. Sassy and daring. I like that."




What else would be on Author Idol? Would you sign up? I totally would. I like being critiqued. One of my critmates said I should make that into a T-shirt. Would you buy it? Kate? Could you do a mock-up of that too? A T-shirt that says, "I like being critiqued." That could be the uniform for the writing reality TV show.