Friday, July 24, 2009

The Ultimate Rejection

Yeah, so I'm addicted to reality TV. It's not like I'm ashamed about it or anything. Maybe there should be a Reality TV Anonymous or something. I'd be, like, the president. Anyway, in the summer, I love So You Think You Can Dance (What? You're not watching?? Go Kayla!) and The Next Food Network Star. A couple more things (More to Love) are starting and they all look a bit on the lame side (More to Love).

But my husband DVR'ed this one called Dating In The Dark.

That's right. Three guys. Three girls. They move into this hugene house together, the guys with the guys and the girls with the girls. You wanna sneak peek, dontya? I know you do. Click on that link up there. You have to watch a 30-second commercial before you get the teaser, but it is SOOO worth it. Trust me.

They can't see each other, like at all. They go on dates in "the darkroom" and get to know each other without the distraction of being able to see. Cuz, really, who needs that getting in the way?

Anyway, so I watched it. At the end of the show, they stand in the darkroom and get to see the other person they've been dating all this time. Then they have to decide if they want to see that person outside of the house (or the darkroom). If so, they go out onto this balcony to wait and see if the other one shows up.

Talk about brutal. Bru. Tal.

If the other one doesn't show up, what kind of holy-brown-cows-you're-a-loser rejection is that? I mean, they've spent all this time with you and then they find out what you look like, and hasta la vista?


On this first episode, it happened once. And the guy had to stand there and watch this girl that he liked walk away from him because of how he looked.

I almost started crying for him. Talk about the ultimate rejection. That's like ripping the band-aid off super slow and then reattaching it with super glue and peeling off each layer of skin until only bare bone is showing.

So since I've been getting a few rejections, I've related his romance rejection pain to my writing rejection pain. And you know? I think I'll take my quiet, private email over standing on the balcony with a camera in my face as I watch the other person walk away.

Of course, I'd rather not be rejected at all, but you know, it's part of the game, right? So Carolyn had this on the QT blog a week or two ago.

And I realized that most, if not all, of my rejections are coming in the blue part of the pyramid. And so I cling to hope, that there is one agent out there that my book will "fit" with.

What about you guys? How are you surviving the Rejection Rapids? Do you have the uber-supportive spouse? The cyberfriend who can make it all better? The crit group that keeps you going? Or are you, like, Iron Man or something?


Amy Tate said...

Hi Miss Elena! I'm thrilled to have found your blog. I tried clicking on your picture the other day, and for some reason I couldn't get into your profile. Thank you for following my blog! I just purchased a membership to the querytracker two days ago, and I had no idea that you are a contributor! I just love that site. And YES, I know all about rejection. Oh how I love to meet another reality t.v. junkie, because my hubbie and I are HOOKED on So You Think You Can Dance. I just love that chic from Miami - she's adorable. I haven't watched it this week yet... I ti-voed it because I had to write a poetry paper,lol! I hope she didn't get kicked off last night. What a great comparison to writing! I'd never thought of that. I haven't seen the Dating In The Dark, but now that my class is almost over, I'll try to catch up. It's very difficult not to take rejection personally, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's business, but I've learned that it makes the success that much sweeter. What an awesome post, thank you!

Danyelle said...

I feel your pain, Elana. That's where most of mine are coming from the blue part too. It's frustrating sometimes. But, when I'm being rational, I'd rather be rejected by someone who finds merit in my work, but isn't enthusiastic about it. This gives me time and opportunity to find the one that loves my work.

For me, it's a combination of great friends and a wonderful Spouse Creature. He really puts everything in perspective, he believes in me, and he won't let me give up. :D

Danyelle said...

Oh, I forgot. You received an award on my blog. :D (It's still way to early for me to be lucid.)

Scott said...

That agent just wasn't right for me!

That's how I deal with rejection. I just figure I haven't found the right agent yet. Yeah, I mope around every now and then, but that's just part of life. We have to persevere and believe in ourselves, because if we don't, then why should any one else?

Great post.


Lisa and Laura said...

1. I am SO adding that show to my TiVo.

2. This is just a fabulous post. Love the pyramid and love that you're in the blue. Unfortunately, there's a second pyramid of rejection that you get to know while you're on sub. Ouch.

Suzanne said...

I am waiting for a big one. Prepared I am. I am waiting for the big fat NO THANK YOU.

Can I cry on your shoulder when it comes? Coming any second now....

Thanks for this. I want a poster size pyramid for my office. OR WAIT!!!!! A tattoo? I should tattoo that pyramid on my ... never mind.

Katie said...

GREAT POST! Let me say that I started that show and then got busy and now I am kicking myself that I didn't get to see that HORROR! Which couple was it? What did they look like so that I can watch your preview and feel their pain.

Oh man....

quixotic said...

I've been trying to avoid the reality shows this year. They can get really brutal at times. LoL. I might have to check out this dating in the dark. LoL.

Lianne said...

I'm definitely setting the TiVo for that one. Wow! That takes the blind date to a whole new (terrifying) level.

It's good for me to watch you sort out your feelings as a writer. I am just beginning on my journey as a writer. It's eye-opening to see how frustrating it can be! Best wishes!

Abby said...

So far, all I've gotten are form rejections on my query, so I don't really know where that falls on the pyramid. We need to add another level called 'Lame'. Or maybe a bubble that bounces around the pyramid but never sticks because it doesn't know where it fits in. :)

Now, I just have to determine if it's my query that's sucking or my premise. Fun stuff!

I am blessed to have a very supportive spouse, and I've met some really great people online. This process would be impossible without the support of friends. Even for Iron Man. You just can't see his tears because he's wearing a mask. :)

Anonymous said...

I have a supportive family and the best, most amazing online friends Ev.Er...seriously, I would ave quite already if it wasn't for my online buds. AS much as I know rejection is part o the doesn't make it any easier, does it?

Eileen Astels Watson said...

Okay that bandaid talk hurt me. Seriously, it did!

I haven't submitted yet to know where I'm at, I'll let you know when I do. Keep going, Elana, don't quit!

Calista Taylor said...

For me I think most of my rejections for my first ms came because the market was flooded in that genre, and the idea probably wasn't as unique as it could have been on the surface. It wasn't so much the rejections (well, yeah they stung a bit) but instead it was that I had spent so much time on an idea that was doomed from the start, editing and rewriting for years.

Now I write, edit once, start querying, and write the next. So for me, I don't really pay the rejections much attention anymore. If it's not this story, maybe it'll be the next. I'm writing anyway, so it makes no difference, and my writing can only get better the more I write.

Sharla said...

I have a great husband that's my biggest fan, but truely it's just because he loves me. LOL! He's not a reader, but he reads mine. And he knows nothing about the industry, so all he can do is comiserate with me and offer me ice cream. With chocolate.

My blogger buddies are my biggest need when it comes to writing. Between blogging and FB and AW, that's my only real connection to the writing world.

Mandy said...

Rejection and Waiting: my two least favorite things. I'm getting ready to shelf my current project, it's been a year and I'm ready. BUT--the one agent who has my full is taking her time (16 weeks and counting). I NEED closure, but what worries me the most is that I'm going to get a form rejection on my full. *hyperventilating* And BTW Elana--So You Think You Can Dance is my all time fav!!! I LOVE Kayla!!

Solvang Sherrie said...

My husband is addicted to "Hell's Kitchen." I watched an episode with him the other night and I just don't understand why people are willing to put up with that kind of abuse on national television! I was cringing and dying inside for these people I don't even know! Like you, I prefer the quiet emails that break my heart over public humiliation 8)

Ryan said...

Apathy works for me, but I think that apathy has developed out of a realization early on in my writing. If you've ever read my blog, you've probably realized that I was a dumbass and didn't take the proper time to edit and make sure my work was ready for publication. So, for my novel that I ran around to agents a little while ago I figure I was in the bottom of the pyramid. On the short story work I've done, I think I'm in the blue on that one. Most of the places I've submitted leave comments about why the piece didn't work for them, and that has helped me to get through the rejections. Now, I am too busy working on edits and rewrites to really care if a piece that wasn't ready for publication got rejected. So, that's just me. Later all.

Shelli said...

I like kayla too but I also like the ballerina!

you will finf "the one" hang in there.

datingin dark sounds interesting :)

Kate Karyus Quinn said...

How do I handle rejection? Um, I take it as a larger reflection on my life as a whole and then I hibernate for a while. On the upside, it's a great way to catch up on my sleep!

Funny, about the reality show thing, I was thinking about Last Comic Standing (which I think was cancelled since it usually airs in the summer) and how the comics have to challenge each other by saying, "I know I'm funnier than..." and then fill in the name of another person in the house. I was thinking how this concept might translate to writers, and then decided that it wouldn't work out that well.

As for SYTYCD - I am still mourning the loss of Randi. I just thought she was great.

beth said...

Oh, how I hope mine are coming from the blue part of the triangle! :)

Anonymous said...

Oh goodness...I would be lost without my writing friends. They have been so great to me and with my rejections! I actually need to post about my second partial rejection. I should do that now!

That show sounds insane! I cannot imagine how people could be that shallow! It just shows how some people are, and if they reject someone they really connected with because of their looks--that person is way better off without them! =D

Sherry Ficklin said...

Firstly, are we talking a few pounds overweight and balding ugly, or like hunchback meets frankenstein ugly? I mean, personality only takey you so far...LOL!

Also, I just started quering my second novel, and the rejects are flying in. I've adopted an I'm rubber-you're glue mentality about the whole thing.
Just call me iron man.

Sarah said...

I saw an ad for Dating in the Dark but I haven't gotten to see the show yet. It really does sound brutal which, of course, means that I'm adding it to my To Be Seen list!
Also, Reality TV junkies are awesome. Embrace it! :)

ElanaJ said...

Wow, so many great comments. I feel bad Randi left too, especially since she was from Utah. And both Jason and Janette were some of my favorites. Oh, well, they're all good now.

Sherry, the dude wasn't bad-looking. I mean, he wasn't like Hugh Jackman or anything. But not bad. In the preview, he's not the British guy or the Asain-looking guy. The other one. And it was the girl with black hair. Brutal.

I did watch Hell's Kitchen for a while, but I didn't like the abuse. That's what that guy does. It's awful, so I quit watching it.

Ryan, you'll get there! I need to throw myself into other things as deeply as you do. Maybe I should do more shorts or something.

Thanks for all the encouragement guys. This is how I keep going! You are great!!

Jenn Johansson said...

I did watch this show and was amazed she walked away. First, as the guy said, "Am I Superman? No. Am I a hobbit? No."

I LOL'd at that :P

Here is the thing though, she wasn't saying she didn't want to marry him. She wasn't saying she didn't want to get engaged.

She was saying she wasn't willing to go on ONE DATE face-to-face with the guy she's been making out in the dark with all week.

Seriously? One date? Even one pity date? You can't get more shallow than that. :P

Lazy Writer said...

I'm up there with you in the blue. So, I guess, that keeps me going, but really, my kids remind me every day to keep trying. They never give up, and I've learned a lot from that. My blogger friends are a huge help, too.

I have got to check that show out! It sounds interesting...painful, but interesting.

Suzette Saxton said...

Oh. My. Gosh. I nearly cried reading about the TV show. TV has changed - a lot - since I unplugged several years ago. The reality shows were just getting started. I saw that very first "marry a millionaire" show. Saw an American Idol. And now I am without. *sniff sniff* Still can't believe Adam didn't win. (See? Even though I don't watch, I'm still addicted...) ;)

Travis Erwin said...

I like the pyramid and analogy.

Tabitha Bird said...

ElanaJ, I have not laughed on someone's blog like this in a very long time. I am not talking about the serious posts of rejection and waiting hell, but your other posts are hilarious. I tried to join your blog, but it took forEVER to load, so I will come back tomorrow when I have more patience ... It's nearly 11pm Monday night in Australia. So forgive the no patience thing. GREAT BLOG> SOOOOOOO FUNNY! Yeah, you can write girl. I'll be back :) And thanks for checking my blog out the other day. I'll aim to be even half way as entertaining as you and I know I'll make someone smile :)

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