Friday, March 5, 2010

Friday Night Confessions

Okay, it's come to my attention that I start every blog post with the word "okay."

Okay, that's not my confession.

But I have one today. And it's sort of like that song in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat where the narrator says, "In his bed, Pharaoh had an uneasy night. He had, had a dream that pinned him to his sheets with fright."

Yeah, that's me. Not so much a dream that's got me all freaked, but something else.

I'm going to confess, because a dear friend and I do Friday Night Confessions every week. FNC we call it. We also have RTC's, but that's another blog post. (But mucho points if you can figure out what RTC stands for!)

Anyway, I'm going to confess something. But you must all remember that I'm not fishing for compliments or anything. That's one of the rules of FNC. We get to say our confession and the other one doesn't try to make us feel better or anything. (Okay, that's not a rule, but I just made it up so it's gonna be from now on.)

Are you ready?

My confession: I have this paralyzing fear that I won't be able to live up to what people think of me.

There. I said it. And not just in writing. In life. In work. In everything.

And I don't want you to tell me how awesome I am. That's what's making me feel all freaked out!

No. Instead, tell me your confession. I mean, your deepest, darkest fear. And not dogs. I mean, that's so not fair. I gave you the fear buried under my heart (although I am terrified of dogs).

So I ask: What are you afraid of? Like, really terrified of?

It's Friday. Confess. FNC, yo.

98 comments:

Megan said...

So, I start every post (and comment) with so...
I hate feeling like a crappy mom, but I do. Most days. And it worries me, because I have never been so not good at something I've done. Yikes. I think I need therapy. :)

Scott said...

Okay, I like use the word 'so' way, way too often . . . and I don't care!

I'm afraid that I've already written the best thing I can write. I'm a one hit wonder, I'm "Aaaaa-fternoon Delight". Yes, you've probably never heard of that song, but for whatever reason it's etched in to my mind. Probably because I listened to it a gazillion times when it first came out. Sigh! But, that's my fear. Yeah, I'm not even published yet, and that's my fear.

Thanks for confessing!

S

Jonathon Arntson said...

I am afraid that I will lose the support of all my friends by doing or saying the wrong thing. Then, I'll give up and everyone's efforts to help me to success will go to waste.

Also, I am afraid that I will live up to my parent's expectations. Totally afraid because they are so far from my own.

I am also afraid people will discover how much of a phony I am and that I can't write worth a damn and then I realize anyone that reads my blog will have figured that out already.

On the subject of dogs, I suffer, yes, suffer, from severe kabourophobia. Severe.

I think I am also afraid of pity.

Jody Hedlund said...

Elana,
I think you've hit on a pretty common fear most of us writers have. Because I admit too, that when my book releases I have this fear that it won't live up to what people think it should, or that people will say nice things but really think, "And she got this published?" I think we all have those insecurities! Thanks for giving us the freedom to share honestly!

Kristi Faith said...

OMG Elana-I have the same fear, and yes...it doubles when people tell me not to worry because I am so awesome. It makes me feel like I'm going to fall really hard from this pedastal(sp) and then wham-o. It's over.

So, wanna hide in a hole with me? :0)

j.m. neeb said...

My confession? I start waaaaaay too many sentences off with: So, I mean, You know, Anyhow, See, and Alright.

Anyone who reads my stuff could probably tell you as much!

Karen Lange said...

Yes, I battle this challenge also. I expect many of us do. My best solution is to trust that I feel led to write and go from there.
Happy weekend!

Liza said...

OK (note the difference in spelling) before I bare my soul, I'm going to say that a fear of not living up to what people think of you can be a good thing, as long as it translates into working that much harder...

OK (again) for me...I'm afraid that instead of pushing myself forward, I will someday find myself seated on a couch in a funk of a depression, unable to move. Ew. That's the first time I've ever acknowleged that.

Oh, and yes. Dogs too.

Kelly said...

I think I start a lot of my posts with "So,".
Hmmmm, I do think positively that my books will be published, but I do have a teeny tiny fear that all this work will be for naught.
I also get freaked out by bats, especially when they are swooping at me (which happens many summers).

Dreamstate said...

Yikes, pretty heavy for a Friday morning. But here it goes...

I'm afraid (terrified, petrified) of regret. I'm scared that I will make the wrong decisions in life and look back at them with agonzing, burning regret, knowing I can't go back and change what I did.

And I'm not afraid of dogs. I'm afraid of guinea pigs.

Tamika: said...

I'm afraid of what sacrifices God is calling me to. In my heart I know He is trying to rid somethings from my life, and honestly I like some of things that He doesn't.

Christine Fonseca said...

Hmm FNC huh...Okay - here it goes...really there are a few, but here's the one I'll share...

I've watched a lot of friendships drift due to competitiveness, etc in this business. Well, I have a couple of very dear friends...and one of my true fears, is losing my closeness with them due to something like competitiveness (which, BTW,is way different that jealousy IMHO).

Carolyn V. said...

My fear is that I won't get any where with my writing, even with all the hard work I've done. (and I'll end up talking to twelve cats and the neighborhood kids will call the that weird cat lady). But mostly just not accomplishing my goals.

lbdiamond said...

Yup, fear of not living up to people's expectations is a biggy. In fact, studies show that smart, capable, and competent people often feel that they're "fooling" everyone and that it's only a matter of time before they're "found out."

My point: It's an icky feeling, I totally get it (cuz I feel it too), and don't let it take hold.

Um, RTC means Return To Clinic to me...yeah, the life of a clinician and follow up appointments with patients.

Kristi said...

I start most of my posts with so, and then have to go back and delete it.

I don't think fears are a bad thing as long as they're not paralyzing. They help motivate you and push you forward. My paralyzing fear is spiders - well, not totally paralyzed, because screaming is usually involved. My writing fear involves not reaching my goals but I allow that fear to push me further than I thought I could go.

Wendy @ All in a Day's Thought said...

That's funny. Well, not really funny, but read on and you'll see why. People have made it abundantly clear I don't live up to their expectations, so I'm free.

I. am. Free. :) (Hear donkey voice in Shrek)

Okay,
my fear: to get to the end of my life and have an overwhelming feeling that I haven't lived a life to God's glory...I haven't done enough for Him, I've disappointed Him in some way.

I can't write anymore...just thinking about it makes me sad.

So there you go...you got me from joking and being funny...to sad.

Thanks a lot. ;) or ;(

Happy Friday,
~ Wendy

Elana Johnson said...

Wow, you guys! Group hug!! I have to admit that I have some of these other fears too. The mom one. The regret one. (I have made decisions I've regretted, so I've already lived that. Or am living, I suppose.)

And I actually felt better after my confession. So sorry Wendy!! It is a happy Friday!

lynnrush said...

My word is "SO" when starting out posts or whatever. LOL. "Okay" is a close second for sure!

RTC...gosh, NO CLUE, but now I'm curious. You'll have to write that post soon or my brain might explode trying to figure it out!

Confession--I'm so with you on the fear of not living up to what people think of me.

It often holds me back--especially in sports since I'm married to an uber triathlete....

I'm a head case.

But hey, happy FRIDAY!!! Have a great one.

foldingfields said...

Okay, I may be one of those people that helps put you on a pedestal because when you posted a reply on my blog, I was really chuffed (flattered, happy, etc.).
Now, I won't do that because you've confessed and, well, you're human. A really entertaining human. Sharing art (writing,drawing, etc.) is so very vulnerable and once you put yourself out on stage you are no longer anonymous, right?
I am scared to be on stage. I love being there, but once I'm there I start blabbering on about who knows what and everyone is looking at me and all I want to do is run away and delete what I just said. but I don't. not sure why, yet. because my desire to be heard is more than my fear of being exposed?
Also, I am afraid of dogs. I took a stress test once where I was hooked to a little machine while pictures popped up on a screen (horrible pictures, scary pictures, etc.)...guess which one registered the most stress? the happy, tongue-drooping, golden retriever. shocking!

storyqueen said...

Today I am fearless!! (yeah, right)

I suppose my fear is much the same as yours...feeling like walking through life waiting for someone to discover that I'm really just a big fake....

But I try hard not to be.

Shelley

Tina Lynn said...

I'm afraid of losing my job. I've been under severe stress there and have been self-sabotaging. I know, right? Weird, but...I think my brain wants me to get fired as a defense mechanism, but SRSLY I can't afford to get fired. So, that is my greatest fear. That my stress will steer me instead of me steering me.

Alissa said...

My fear: that I will struggle financially forever and never be able to get ahead. Some days it just feels like I am perpetually treading water.

Kayeleen said...

My fear has been with me for a long time and stems from my own perceptions of myself. I always felt like I was the annoying kid with no social skills, so I'm always worried that people will think I really am that person. The one who says the wrong thing at the wrong time or is completely abrasive and annoying.

Jewel/Pink Ink said...

My biggest fear: that I would be stranded on an island without dental floss. And all the coconut trees don't have coconuts.

LOL

Seriously...one of my biggest fears is being up in front of an audience and forgetting the lyrics to a song.

Weronika Janczuk said...

That, no matter how hard I try, I won't be able to do what I want to do more than anything, and that's write full-time. It's the one thing that makes me really happy.

Alli said...

Scott, I know that song and gee, thanks for making it spin around my head right now...

Oh yes, I have two fears and they are kind of related - that I am not as good a mother as I could be because I am following my dream of publication. I write when my youngest is napping and my eldest (who is three) said to me yesterday "mummy, you are always busy when $$$$ is napping". That broke my heart. I want to write at night but I am so brain dead by then I can't string a sentence together.

I need to change this as the last thing I want is for my daughter to remember her mum was "too busy". I need to find that balance between my career and kids.

Chantal said...

Here's what I have to confess to: I'm afraid of--myself. I am totally anti-social and incapable of figuring out what I need to do to not hurt people's feelings and not lose friends over stupid moves I make. I'm a crappy friend and a crappy mom and a crappy writer.

Then I remember that I only have one shot here (you, know on earth or whatever) and I buck-up and roll out of bed. But there, I said it: I'm afraid of being myself and screwing things-up. But I do. And I am. Hard to argue with.

Jennifer Shirk said...

Ha! I have a habit of starting blog posts with "okay" or "well", too. :)

Fear: Of people reading my work and thinking, "Uh, what a hack."
There. Confession is good for the soul.

Christina Lee said...

Most of my fears have to do with my son b/c it took so long to conceive him and... I can't say anymore b/c I'll start crying.
So there you have it. But having to give up writing is a fear too! Oh and RTC--is it Real Time Confessions, or something like that?

lotusgirl said...

It's hard to pick out only one. How about this one: I'll come to the end of my life and realize that I focused all my energies on the wrong things.

Rena said...

Great post! I totally understand your fear. That's a big one. For me, I'm also afraid I won't live up to MY expectations of myself. I think many of us have an idea or impression of ourselves that not everyone else gets to see.

Jess of All Trades said...

This will make my ego sound huge (and it is, I just try to hide it).

My greatest fear is mediocrity. That no matter what I do, I will turn out, in the end and across all aspects of my life, to be average.

WritingNut said...

I start the majority of my sentences with "so" as well.

SO... a few of my greatest fears?

I'm going to wake up one day--too late--and realize that I've done absolutely nothing worthwhile with my life... :(

I'm not going to be able to stay motivated long enough to accomplish what I want (and what people expect of me).

And I'm completely terrified that I may be stuck in a rut in life that I won't ever, ever be able to get out of...

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Ha ha! I start mine posts off with now, so, okay, or well. At least until I edit the first word off. And my 7 yr old starts every sentence of with 'well'. As in, "Well it's not my fault."

My fear is the same as yours. It doesn't help that my brother tries to upstage me in everything I do. University. Grad School. And I'm sure if I'm ever published, he'll turn around and out do me there too. Oooh maybe that's one of my fears. ;)

Tere Kirkland said...

I'm afraid of never being good enough. But lately that fear has just been pushing me to improve and work harder.

Maybe I'll never be good enough, but it won't be for lack of trying.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I am terrified of losing one of my children. My greatest fear on this earth is the thought of having to live through that kind of pain. I pray nightly for their safety and well being, but it's a mom thing and I can't help it.

Cynde L. Hammond said...

That was really brave of you, Elana.

Ok. I'm gonna spill it, too.
I have the same fears that you do (only mine aren't ridiculous!). (Let me clue you in on something, Elana: you ALREADY HAVE lived up to what we've expected of you...you're awesome!)

I'm afraid that what I'm writing is going to be thought of as horrible and that I'm really not cut out to be a writer, even though it's what I live for and love and I would die if that is so.

I'm afraid that if, by some miracle, I were ever to be published, then people would wonder how it happened. Then they would think my writing was inferior and it would never meet their standards.

It's discouraging to see that my blog is pretty much ignored, which also feeds into my fear. It tells me that I'm not accepted or supported, and maybe not even liked, who knows?

So...now you know. Low self-esteem today, huh?

Since fear is non-productive (and it does not come from the Lord), I guess the only answer is to cast it aside and do our work as unto the Lord (in other words: do your very best); then the Lord will judge us accordingly.

We will never be able to please everyone, but if we please God, then we have pleased the One who really counts.

God bless you, Elana!
~Cynde
Cynde's Got The Write Stuff

Tricia J. O'Brien said...

I totally relate to your fear. I have trouble being praised because I'm a perfectionist. So if someone says I'm great or my writing is wonderful, I'm waiting for the "but" or the moment when the world realizes it wasn't so. I think it's a good sign that we are aware of this, though. Anyway, I think I may learn somehow to accept that I can excel even if it's not perfect.

Lydia Kang said...

RTC is clearly "Reeses, Tacos and chips." Right?

My fear is never getting a book published. doesn't everyone have that fear, even those of you with agents?

PJ Hoover said...

I love it, Elana! And I totally had this fear, too. And then I realized I don't suck, and I can't (and won't) please everyone, and as long as I am happy and improving, that is what counts.
Getting one good review under my belt really helped, I have to say, to alleviate this fear.
And my blog post starter word is "so".

Jackee said...

I have the SAME paralyzing fear. Truly, it's the number one. I've heard it's common with oldest children. Are you an oldest?

My repeater word: so. It's quite irritating.

Have a great weekend!

Tess said...

I am a neurotic mess because I started to leave a comment about my fear -- but first read through the comments already here and kept saying, "Yes, me too...oh, that's the one for me...ah, this is my real fear".

crap. now I have fears I didn't even realize I had.

and..I do SO relate to you. My first thought when I got that 'agent call' was "what if he realizes I suck after all". How twisted is my brain to have that be my first thought?

Danyelle said...

*is sorry if she is contributing to your fear, but she thinks you rock*

I have the same fear as you. What if I'm not good enough? But I'm working on killing it dead, because that is /not/ how princesses should think. If I'm going to be a queen one day, I've got to start by believing in myself. :)

Kasie West said...

I'm afraid that I really do suck and people are just humoring me. I'm having an "I suck" week--yes that's the official name for my weeks like this. Sounds like you might be having one too. Thanks for sharing. It's nice to put it out there.

Laura Pauling said...

Right there with you. Except it's so much what people expect of me, it's the question - Am I just fooling myself?

Shelley Sly said...

I'm afraid I'll never be anything, and not just related to writing. Yes, I'm afraid I'll never be considered a "real" writer if I don't get published, but I'm also afraid I'll never be a significant person. I have a temporary job right now and I don't have kids yet. I guess I'm still in search of significance.

Don't get me wrong, I've got a great loving family and wonderful friends, but I'm thinking more big picture. What can I offer the world, and what if I fail to do that?

Crystal Cook said...

How brave of you to post this, and all of the comments were so very, very brave! Even though so many fears were mentioned I just feel so much courage from everyone! And I have the same fears as so many of them. My main fears are losing one of my children, not being a good enough mother and messing my kids up so they need therapy when they grow up, and the one that's on my mind most right now (I feel so selfish for even saying this)
is that all these dreams I have, being a published writer, or a successful artist, will never be realized. Not because I quit, but because I worked as hard as I possibly could and just was not good enough.

MG Higgins said...

My biggest fear is the same as yours--not living up to expectations, other people's and especially my own. It's not a pleasant feeling. Maybe we need to start a support group. :)

~Jamie said...

Mine is so the same thing. I feel like I lucked into this writer gig, and any minute now people are going to realize I have no idea what I am doing!

Bethany Wiggins said...

Deepest darkest fear: When my kids are grown, realizing I missed their childhood because I was too involved in writing.

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

I have many of the fears mentioned. Does my writing suck, is anyone taking me serious, what if it doesn't suck, then there is the sweet fear of success. Did I mention my fear of snakes, total yikes.

Hey at least we are all in the same boat! Lets throw a boat party lol! Drinks are on me!

So, all we can do is take a step forward and hope for the best.

Matilda McCloud said...

The other day I sang with my choir at a funeral--the church was full. This guy did good deeds galore etc etc, was on the vestry of the church, everyone loved him.

My fear is that I'll have low attendance at my funeral...(I'm laughing right now because as I write this, it sounds absurd!)...Still, it did make me think about my priorities...

Angie said...

I am terrified of dogs as well. One of my biggest fears is that I'm already too old to reach my writing dreams. I know I'm not that old, but there it is.

Casey McCormick said...

I have the same fear, Elana. Really. It's terrifying. On top of that, I'm afraid I don't have what it takes, that I'll disappoint everyone that's rooting for me and expecting great things.

I've been a mess of fear and frustration lately. I appreciate this post.

Elle Strauss said...

I'm afraid people (teens) will think I'm too old to write YA, and that if they knew how old I really was, (or will be by the time a book might ever be published), they'd mock me and through the book out the door.

Nicole Ducleroir said...

I'm afraid of people misinterpreting what I'm saying. It sucks to be misunderstood, and it happens to me all the time. Maybe I don't know when to shut up (LOL), but I feel like I live 24/7 with my foot in my mouth -- even though a voice in my head is always screaming, "That's not what I meant!"

DL Hammons said...

My fears of all fears...
....that I've been wrong all this time.

Krispy said...

I'm terrified that I'm wasting my time and potential. I hate not knowing if I'm making the right decisions or not.

On the bright side, the weekend is almost here! Yay!

Elana Johnson said...

I agree that I see a lot of courage here. Sometimes it's good to let the fear come out. Then it's gone and can be replaced with the strength we need to move forward. At least that's how I'm feeling about now!

Thanks everyone!

Shelli (srjohannes) said...

i was hoping for another "confession" :) . WE love you just the way you are! Im scared of never accomplishing my dream.

Lizzy Mason said...

Great post, Elana! I admit, I'm afraid that I spend so much time writing that it will cost me my relationships with my friends and family. I get so wrapped up in my work that I forget that I have to make time to have a life, too. It's cost me a lot already to make this my dream, but I can't seem to help myself!

And, even though you asked us not to tell you how great you are, I can't help it: I had already planned to give you an award on my blog today. :) You rock, Elana!

Mary McDonald said...

I'm terrified that my nine year old daughter, who adores me now, lights up like a Christmas tree when I come home from work, and is my shadow, will become one of those teen girls who hates her mother.

I have two grown sons, and they didn't hate me, so I have no idea why I fear it with my daughter, but maybe because she is so close to me, I fear she's going to push extra hard when she's trying to become independent.

Caledonia Lass said...

What frightens me about my writing? That if I ever do get published, I won't live up to people's expectations or I'll change and become this super huge witch to people.
What paralyzes me in every day life? Death.

Cheree said...

Great post, I have to admit I have exactly the same fear, but also that I'll never accomplish anything.

Jemi Fraser said...

I understand your fear because I too share it. I go through the same thing when I move schools - the kids at my school know me & like me (I don't think I'm delusional here) & kids are happy to come into my class in Sept. When I move schools, it's different. What if no one likes me? What if I can't figure out what works in this school?

Writing still terrifies me. Each and every step in the process. But I keep going forward. Keep trying to grow. Hopefully I can keep going. You too!

L. Diane Wolfe said...

My fear - that I will not accomplish the goal God set for me.

ali said...

Okay. First, you're terrified of dogs? I feel so bad for all those nights I haven't gotten Jack put away before he POUNCES on the door and scares you off the porch! I thought it was just the NORMAL freakiness of having a dog do that to a door you're knocking on, but now I have a whole new level of guilt over it! *note to self: must be sure to get Jack put away well before my crit buddies arrive*

Fears. I totally get your fear. And at the risk of sounding like a cop out, I'll say, that's my fear too.

But I have so many fears, I can claim yours AND supplement with another:

My fear: Oh and I realize now that it's pretty much the same as Diane's right above me. See? I'm so not original. (And I'm reading EH and "see" has worked itself into my vocabularly.) Okay, so. Um. I'm afraid I won't do what God sent me here to do. That I'll let Him down. And that would just be the worst thing ever.

Bish Denham said...

You are not alone. I definitely know that fear you're talking about. I have even sabotaged myself, failing because I was already convinced I would. I'm not afraid any more because I've learned fear can get in the way of simply living and enjoying success, large or small.

T. Anne said...

RTC? Reluctant to confess??? Did I get it? Did I? Did I?

My confession? That people won't get my writing. That they'll think it's too over-wrought. Ouch.

Mary Aalgaard said...

I think RTC means Right to Cry.
After all that confessing and fear facing, we all have the Right to Cry.

I fear ridicule and abandonment. Could exposing my story in words lead to that? And, if so, would it be worth it? But, what if I didn't? Maybe my words will help another.

Katie Ganshert said...

I love your honesty. My deep-down fear? Failure. And of not being liked. It's really ridiculous how much I need people to like me.

Patti said...

I fear success as much as I do failure and I start a lot of posts with so as well.

Amber Tidd Murphy said...

in general, i have a fear that i will die. i don't really have a reason to believe it, but still, sometimes i get paranoid that i am seconds away from a blot clot or coronary.

okay, enough talking about it!

Nichole Giles said...

Okay, so, um. Hm. Lots of good comments here, fears I feel too and all that.

Now I actually have to think. Thanks a lot.

A few years ago, my biggest fear was that others would laugh at my dreams. Stupid, yes. Completely. But it had happened many times throughout my life and the effect was basically me feeling beaten down, strangled into submission and forced to be what I *thought* other people *thought* I should be.

Then I started writing as a means of survival. And I discovered something. I. Don't. Care. Anymore.

I write for me first and foremost, and my audience is secondary. And I've worked very hard to shuck that person I tried to force myself to be. It may sound selfish, but writing is the best thing that ever happened to me, and for me. I've been set free in many ways.

But the world has a way of creeping in when I'm not looking, and those old fears still haunt me. Except now, instead of worrying if people will laugh, or think I'm a hack or a terrible mother (and all the other things mentioned above and that are also fears of mine) I have a bigger fear.

Confession: I am terrified that I will forget how to be me. The real me, not the pretend, made up me that I invented years ago. Because as it happens, I like myself when I'm being real. Yeah. Who knew?

Jessie Oliveros said...

Car accidents, my children resenting me one day, and an airplane crashing into my house. i'm serious. i hold my breath every time an airplane flies over my house. Remember the movie BLAST FROM THE PAST? That really ruined me.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Hey, girl! I'm giving you an award at my blog tomorrow. :-)

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

I'm afraid my novel isn't brilliant. I'm also afraid my novel is brilliant. :0)

Olivia Carter said...

Oh man... there are plenty of "superficial" things I'm terrified of that you might be surprised are truly truly frightening to me. Hillbilly Cannibal Rapists for one. No, you may laugh... and I joke about it too. But I am really and truly wet-my-pants freaked out of them. And it pops up more than you'd think (in movies, TV shows, & books).

Eeekkk! And I'm also afraid of dying. I'm sure death is just going to come out of no where and take me out.

Whoa, totally heavy for tonight. I'll leave it at hillbilly cannibal rapists and sudden death.

Judith Engracia said...

I fear that too. Most of the time, I'm driven by the fact that I don't want to let people down, because there's all these expectations and I don't want them to think (or discover?) that I'm a phony. Sigh. So I always work hard etc etc to make sure I don't damage their image of me. Sounds vain, but yea I can't help it.

Solvang Sherrie said...

I have the same fear -- that I'm not as good as I think, but in fact far worse, and I'm wasting my time because it's never gonna happen. Ugh. I hate the idea that I could be building myself and everyone around me up to a HUGE disappointment. Not. Going. There. Now I need to jump in front of the mirror like that chick on Idol. I ROCK!!

TerryLynnJohnson said...

Wow! Elana, you seem to have hit a nerve here. I'm relieved to see that most writers share the same fears. Except for the dog one. I can't quite understand that one. Great, great post!

Zoe said...

My fear? That everything I do will peter out and limp into stasis - like my first novel attempt (so far, all's well in Second Novel Land). In other words, what if it (hushes voice) *doesn't work out*??

L.T. Elliot said...

Right now, my biggest fear is naming my biggest fear because I don't think it will be understood.

The one I can say? I'm afraid that because I wasn't strong enough or something I did during their pregnancy, I gave my children their disability. That because of me, they won't get the life they deserve.

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

Hmm, Rotten Tom Cats?

As for your fear, so sorry to hear it, dear. But I'm pretty sure you'll live up to what people think of you because you're awesome (not to add to the pressure, or anything). Seriously, this fear will drive you to succeed and to be the best Elana you can be. What more can you ask for? So where ambition, desire, or inspiration might fail you, fear will be waiting in the wings to motivate you. I know that's a weird thing to say, but it's true--that's how it works for me anyway. It's not such a bad thing, although certainly annoying. But, I'm pretty sure you're awesome. So don't fear ;)

My own fear? I have a lot. Perhaps that I'll never be good enough or smart enough, or just enough.

Jessica said...

I relate to your fear. *hugs* Not sure what my deepest fear is, or maybe I'm just too chicken to look?

Donna Hole said...

The fear of not living up to expectations is also my deepest fear also. Some day everyong will suddenly realize I haven't a clue what I'm doing and they shouldn't rely on me.

Nice to know I'm not alone here.

...............dhole

Suzette Saxton said...

I have a fear that if I write my fear down, the fear will come true. (Not kidding!)

Lisa Nowak said...

I'm not going to tell you how wonderful you are because I understand exactly what you mean. Telling you wouldn't change a thing, would it? I continually apologize and downplay myself for fear of someone discovering I'm not what I claim to be. So I totally get it.

Amy Tate said...

Elana, this is why I love you, girl! Your brutal honesty is what makes you special. This very trait is going to take you higher than you ever imagined - I just know it! My biggest fear is actually selling the novel. Isn't that crazy? But I have enjoyed making it my world with my characters and I feel like everyone will tear into them if and when they're in print for all to see. And my second biggest fear is not being able to write another one. I know that's nuts but those are the thoughts that spin around this whacked out brain of mine.

Your Friendly Neighborhood Palindrome said...

You know, I can't really decide what scares me the most, never being published or selling tons o'books.

I'm used to rejection but acceptance? Huh, I guess that would freak me out more.

I say, do what you can, live what you love and never look back...or forward for that matter. Just live in the moment. And don't try to give me the same advice, because I won't listen. ;)

Lisa and Laura said...

Dude, 90 comments!?! Seriously?

Ok, my FNC:

I'm terrified that we'll never really be successful writers.

Eek. Can't believe I'm putting it out there, but it's true. And it is terrifying.

Katie said...

Holy mackeral! 91 comments??? I lost all train of thought when I realized how uber famous you and your blog are - no wonder your scared. haha!!!!!!!!

Let's see. I'm scared that I will sacrifice my family or miss something really KEY in pursuit of my passion (writing). I fear "balance."

Elana Johnson said...

I feel so many of these comments. Nichole, girl, you are my hero. Sometimes I wonder if I'm being me or if I'm really trying to be a different form of me, and then I look back at those pictures and wonder who that girl was and why she's not me. So I get that. *hugs*

L.T. I so feel this too. I mean, my kids don't have disabilities, but I have some issues with some things, and I wonder if they're my fault or if I could have done things differently and it would've turned out better. I know that makes no sense, but know that I know exactly where you're coming from. *double hugs*

(I can't wait till April when we get to have our writing party again!)

And yeah, Katie. The pressure is killing me. And uber-famous! LOL! I did get accosted in the bathroom at the last conference I went to. So I guess I have arrived. Ha!

LiLa - dude, so not going to happen. You know I glommed myself onto you guys from the start because I could smell the success. Believe it.

Thanks everyone! ~E

Sharon Mayhew said...

RTC--Rockin' The Couch. Am I right?

Deepest Darkest Secret...I'll never be happy with myself.

Sarah Simas said...

WOW, I've never been #95 before! Too cool!

I think you measure up, lady. Look what you've achieved already! :) 700 ain't too shabby. *wink, wink*

I have a fear of loved ones leaving me. I hate loss. :(

I know I'm late, but my excuse was surgery and sleep-inducing meds. lol

Rebecca Knight said...

Oh, Elana--I totally understand! =S

I have several Fear Tiers:

1) I will utterly fail at ever getting published. Ever.

2) If I do get published, no one will read my book.

3) If they do read my book and I get to write more books, those books will horribly, horribly disappoint the readers who will then say "What a hack! I can't believe I was tricked into buying this terrible 2nd book!"

4) People will find out I'm a terrible fraud, drag me into the streets, and stone me with remainder copies of my terrible, terrible books.

So yeah, you're not alone. I think all writers have the same, deep-seated fears about a) failure, and b) success.

If we were sane, we wouldn't be writers ;).

Medeia Sharif said...

I'm afraid that I won't accomplish all my goals, due to a lack of talent, funds and/or time.

Shain Brown said...

Its amazing that everyone who commented fears the same handful of things. It's reassuring to know others feel the same as I do.

Fear of failure, I never get published. Fear of failure, if I do get published nobody buys my book.

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