Biggest Loser Update

...or should I say, how does one become the person who can't make it through a day without two bottles of diet Coke? And I don't mean the little ones. I mean the ginormous ones, one stop short of a two-liter.

Yeah, someone on my team, that's who. They lose their point for no soda every day. So while I'm suffering on the body ball, barely able to walk, eating salad for every meal, and having absolutely no sweets, they are drinking two bottles of diet Coke every. Day. Argh.

But I've lost 15 pounds. No, that is not a typo. Fif-teen. It's torture. I hate it. But I'm totally gonna be the biggest loser at work. And that's a good thing.

General Hilarity

I love to laugh. I think everyone should have at least one good belly-laugh every single day. So today's post is going to be things I found funny enough to use my belly-laugh on. They may or may not be funny to you, because, well you know, sometimes you just have to be there. But here goes.

This past weekend, I was hanging out with my brother and sister-in-law and another sister-in-law. I was with relatives, sheesh. Both SIL's who were there are super-skinny, and I think we've all established that I'm not. So they know I'm doing the Biggest Loser thing at school--I interrupt this for a public service announcement: I lost 4 pounds last week. Did I tell you I was going to kill this thing?--and they were telling me about the exercise they do.

One SIL then said, "I love raisin bars. I have some for breakfast, some for lunch, and then a sensible dinner. It's like the Slim-Fast plan, only different."

I lost it. My belly-laugh was way too loud. It was just soo funny. In case you don't know what raisin bars are, think of raisin-filled cookies with no top crust. See? Carb-counters of the world, you could be on the raisin bar diet.

Then we started playing Wizard. It's this card game sort of like hearts. The same SIL goes, "So I have to play...(looks around the table)...clovers?"

I was like, "Um, they're called clubs." Spew!

These things may have been funny because I was on my second Mucinex pill of the day. I don't know, but I seriously could not stop laughing.

My SIL's are my favorite people. On to something different. In a forum I participate in, we were discussing which word to use for something, I can't even remember what. The choices came down to "with" or "using". The general consensus came to "using." One lady posted, "I like using too. *snort*"

That caused a fit of online giggling, rolling on the floor laughing, and other general mayhem. It was FUN-nee.

I'm gonna go confessional on you now. I love reality TV. I even DVR'ed "America's Toughest Jobs" and it should have been called "America's Dumbest Show." I watched almost to the end. Anyway, so we're watching American Idol this week. My husband says, "Is that an apron Paula's wearing?" I almost died laughing. Let me see if I can find a pic. I can't. Oh well. It was the black, sparkly one that really did look like an apron. Very funny.

That's all I can think of right now. But I'm going to have a funny contest on my blog this week...get ready to use those weird and wonky words you've been seeing around...while commenting...

I'm the Biggest Loser

So my school is doing this Biggest Loser thing for the new year. I figured since I am F-A-T (and that's not phat, which would be totally yanno, phat), I decided to sign up. The teacher is charge is hilarious (more on that in a sec). We get points for drinking water, eating veggies, not drinking soda, the works. I'm gonna have to squeeze in 30 minutes of exercise time every day. Can't let the team down.

Which team? That's right--we were organized into teams. The names made me spew my Weight Watchers soup. "Bringing Sexy Back" was my favorite. Sadly, I didn't get put on that team. My team is "Team Lose-A-Lot." I guess that's okay, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?

Anyway, here's the funniest part. We got a list of "rules" for the Biggest Loser. "If you starve yourself, you are out." That's pretty good. Nuthin' like trying to keep the teachers alive.

This one is my absolute favorite. I wish I could be this witty. "There is no fighting, gossiping, name calling, bickering, accusing, punching, kicking, blackmailing, pulling hair, whining, putting weight-gaining drugs in other people's food, cheating, tripping other players so as to stop them from exercising, arguing, evil conspiring, giving evil looks, stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy, taking weight-loss pills, etc."


Can't. Stop. Laughing. "...stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy..."

The contest starts today and I'm going to kill it. Kill. It. It doesn't hurt that I've spent the last year gaining as much weight as possible and am now the size of a small blue whale. But, you know, baby steps.