The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth

Okay, so remember that post I put up a few weeks ago about if you'd be less impressed if I stopped doing certain things? (Click here to read it.)

Well, today's post is along the same emotional vein. And it's this horrible, ugly truth that some of you may not want to be exposed to without the proper protective gear or something.

I feel like I should give you fair warning on that. I don't normally let this side of publishing out there, but I feel like it's something that I need to get out of myself.

It's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

I have been a bit lost on my blog as of late. If you've been around, you know that. I have been re-evaluating everything in my writing life, and trying to make the best decisions for me.

Some things I've realized:
1. Being published hasn't changed who I am. In actuality, my life hasn't changed at all. Okay, not that much.

2. In the six months since POSSESSION came out, I have been trying to figure out where I fit on "this side" of the fence.

I have felt jealousy.
Anger.
Resentment.
Joy.
Excitement.
Anguish.

I've cried.
Laughed.
Worked.
Revised.
Edited.
Watched too much TV and eaten too much candy in an attempt to detach from whatever it is that's making me jealous/angry/joyful/excited.

I've felt guilty.
Lost.
Alone.
Never alone.
Proud.
And foolish.

Oh, so foolish. Maybe I'm the only author who's felt this way. I did not think my life would change when my book was published. And like I said, it hasn't. But somehow, along the way, I allowed myself to think that I was important.

And it's hard to accept and swallow the fact that I'm not. It makes a person shy away from the Internet and try to take stock of their situation. As I have done this, I have realized The Truth.

3. I am a midlist author, and POSSESSION is a midlist hardcover.

This is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

4. I am not an important author, with an important message. POSSESSION is not an important novel that is nominated for multiple--or any--awards, and it is not a Best Book of Anything.

I feel foolish for hoping for such things, or worse, expecting them.

And I feel foolish for allowing any of the above to make me feel anything but grateful and satisfied.

Because, dude, 5. I wrote and published a novel. A bestseller? No. Midlist? Yes.

Through all of this, I've realized something else:
6. I wrote a book I would like to read. I didn't sit down to write a book so that it could be nominated for awards, or that would change the lives of those who read it, or anything else.

7. I write because I like it. I write books that I'd like to read.

That's it. The truth.

I don't even have a question for you today. Thanks for reading this mongo long thing, and forgive me as I continue to hibernate, work past the foolishness, and try to be the best writer I can be.

Tell the Truth Tuesday: Confessions

Okay, so not really confessionS. More like just one. And it's pretty amusing, I think.

Ready?

Confession for today: When I read, I imagine everything as a cartoon. Everything. The ghosts in Harry Potter? They're like Casper. Fluffy and white and shapeless.

The people? Mostly I see Manga-type people.

I don't know why I do this.

But it makes seeing movies made from books I've read a real shocker. I seriously have to have a little session of self-talk when I go to the theater.

Elana: This isn't a cartoon. You know that, right?
Elana: I know, sheesh. Don't talk down to me.
Elana: Just wanted to make sure you know the ghosts are going to look like real people.
Elana: I know! Stop badgering me.
*settling into the movie, previews over, feature film about to begin, opening scene flashes onscreen*
Elana: Wait a second...
Elana: This isn't animated. I told you that.
Elana: *pouts* This isn't at all what I imagined.

Le sigh. Embarrassing, yet true.

Any confessions from you today? Do you imagine in cartoon characters too?

Speed Blogging: Tips From a Blogaholic

Okay, so I posted on Facebook last week that I'd just read AND commented on 30 blogs. How long did it take? 30 minutes.

Scott provided the title of this post when he said, "Speed blogging!"

So I give you, Speed Blogging, Tips From A Blogoholic:

1. You need a blog list you can click from quickly. This is one of the many reasons why I created my Wicked Awesome Bloggers list. I go to that blog and viola! Every blog I care most about reading is there. In order of their last post.

2. Quickly click on every blog you wanna read. They'll open in a new window. This is good for you. Sometimes I have 40 windows open. This might freak some of you out. It's okay. Deep breaths.

3. And go! Read the post. Comment. Close window. Guess what? The next blog pops right up, where it was waiting in the background. No extra clicking. Read post. Comment. Close window. Rinse and repeat.

The end.

I can usually go through the morning's posts (up to 30-40 blogs) during my 35-minute lunch break. That includes heating up my lame leftovers and using the restroom.

I then do a nightly round of blog reading. This usually consists of making sure I go to the blogs of people who leave me comments, and anyone else who didn't post by 11:45 AM. I probably spend 60 minutes, TOPS, reading blogs. And I probably read and comment on 45 - 60 blogs every single day.

And that's it. Speed blogging. It's all in spending that 3 minutes to get the windows all open. Then it's click, read, comment. Done!

What tips do you have for reading a lot of blogs in a short amount of time? Lay it on me, I'm all about the speed blogging, baby.

Oh, and I just wanna say that I'm at 6800 words for NaNo. Hold the applause. Ha ha!