Good Vs. Done

Okay, I hope you've got your swimsuits on, cuz we're going in deep today. I've blogged about self-doubt before. I call it the pool of writing funk. I've been in and out of this scummy pool for a couple of years now. Sometimes while riding the roller coaster. So yeah.

I came to a conclusion a few weeks ago. See if you can follow along.

So we're writers, right? And we write. And we know it's not "good" when we write something. So we rewrite. And it's sort of better. And then we rewrite again. And send it out to betas and then gammas.

And we work work work, and it gets better every time.

But is it ever done?

No.

But does that mean it's sucktacular?

No.

So I came to the conclusion that just because something (my latest WiP) isn't DONE doesn't mean it isn't GOOD.

Does that make sense to anyone but me?

I guess what I'm trying to say is I've decided to stop beating myself up and wallowing in the pool of writing funk because something isn't DONE. Because it's never going to be done. Until it's done. And then it will be awesomesauce.

Right now, it's only...not sucktacular.

What do you think? Can something that's not done be good? Are you wallowing in self-doubt right now? Get out of the pool! Your skin's going to wrinkle.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

You know how to finish it. Say it. Out loud. (Name that movie! LOLOLOL)

Anyway, I digress. This post is going to be a lot of digression, so I hope you're in the mood for some stream of thought writing from el@n@. That's my new name. My sister is certifiably insane. And she did some tweeting yesterday on her name (which has an i, now replaced with an !). Since I don't have an i, she said I could be el@n@. So here I am.

Anyway, Eric over at Working My Muse gave me this Lemonade Stand blog award. Thanks! I'm supposed to nominate 10 people, and send the award along. I just nominated 15 people for the Premio Dardos award, and I can't even think of 10 more. If I do, I'll post them soon, promise.

So on to lemonade. When life gets you down, what do you do? I try to surround myself with good people. Play a few games (guitar hero) and just forget about whatever is bothering me. Most of my stress is self-inflicted. Do you do this? This self-inflicted stress-inducing?

Ugh. I just get in the way of myself. I have to constantly step back and remind myself that this whole publishing thing is a journey, not a result. Sometimes I find myself frustrated because I'd like to think I'm a pretty smart person. I've worked hard through some stacked odds to get what I want.

And so this whole publishing thing is sort of hard for me. I'm used to working hard, persevering, and ultimately getting what I want. This is a little different than that.

I've decided I'm going to climb into the sidecar of a motorcycle. Remind myself that it's not the end result I'm striving for (but of course, getting published is still The Goal), but it's also the learning experiences along the way. The writerly people I get to interact with. The new novels I get to read. And write. Sometimes I think all I'm focusing on is the lemons and not the lemonade. Being the driver and not the rider. Achieving The Goal and not enjoying the How.

So a new sidecar goal to go with The Goal: enjoy the ride. I'm imagining myself in one of those sidecars on a motorcycle. I don't have to drive. I don't have to watch the speedometer, the upcoming curves in the road, the weather. I can look for those purple blossoms on trees, seagulls flying, deer in the meadow, whatever. I can enjoy the ride.

I've got my helmet on, ready for the rejections and critiques. I've got the goggles strapped in place--hopefully they'll help me see clearly who to listen to, which agents to research and query, and what to write. I've got the leather chaps, waiting to protect me if I happen to crash and burn.

I'm ready to enjoy the ride. Are you?

Why I Read, Why I Write

I've been thinking about why I read and why I write. I really only read fiction - yes, I'm that shallow - and usually only speculative fiction. I'll read a little bit of straight young adult, but hardly any realistic fiction for adults, no mysteries, no romances, nada. The books I've been recommending to others, they don't like. So, I've been thinking about why I like them when others don't. Here's what I came up with.

1. I read because I want to escape my real life.
2. I want to fly to another world.
3. I want to have my first kiss again, and again, and again.
4. I want to find a note in my locker from a cute guy.
5. I want to explore mountain tops and see the ocean every day.
6. I want to have a cool super power that allows me to do cool things.
7. I want to fall in love for the first time--again.
8. I want to ride on a yacht and not be afraid.
9. I want to be brave, and strong, and defeat evil, even if I'm only five feet tall.
10. I want to experience heartache without any pain.
11. I want to cry when my mother dies.
12. I want to time travel to a new location.
13. I want to learn how to drive again.
14. I want to tell the mean girl in high school to shove it.
15. I want to travel the world.

I'm sure I could come up with a thousand reasons why I read, and why I write. I adore young adult and middle grade literature, from realistic fiction to urban fantasy and science fiction to high fantasy. I want to go through what kids 9-18 go through, over and over. And I've realized that some people don't. They don't like the books I do, and that's okay. That doesn't mean the books are bad, or that I'm bad, or that my book is bad. It just means they're writing political thrillers, or memoirs, or nonfiction, and they don't read or write for the same reasons I do.

Whew! I feel better already.