Monday, January 12, 2009

I'm the Biggest Loser

So my school is doing this Biggest Loser thing for the new year. I figured since I am F-A-T (and that's not phat, which would be totally yanno, phat), I decided to sign up. The teacher is charge is hilarious (more on that in a sec). We get points for drinking water, eating veggies, not drinking soda, the works. I'm gonna have to squeeze in 30 minutes of exercise time every day. Can't let the team down.

Which team? That's right--we were organized into teams. The names made me spew my Weight Watchers soup. "Bringing Sexy Back" was my favorite. Sadly, I didn't get put on that team. My team is "Team Lose-A-Lot." I guess that's okay, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?

Anyway, here's the funniest part. We got a list of "rules" for the Biggest Loser. "If you starve yourself, you are out." That's pretty good. Nuthin' like trying to keep the teachers alive.

This one is my absolute favorite. I wish I could be this witty. "There is no fighting, gossiping, name calling, bickering, accusing, punching, kicking, blackmailing, pulling hair, whining, putting weight-gaining drugs in other people's food, cheating, tripping other players so as to stop them from exercising, arguing, evil conspiring, giving evil looks, stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy, taking weight-loss pills, etc."

gelakgulinggelakgulinggelakgulinggelakguling Can't. Stop. Laughing. "...stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy..."

The contest starts today and I'm going to kill it. Kill. It. It doesn't hurt that I've spent the last year gaining as much weight as possible and am now the size of a small blue whale. But, you know, baby steps.


Liz said...

Hilarious! Our R.S. is actually doing the same thing. Though we aren't organized into "Bringing Sexy Back" teams. Not sure if the Bishop would approve... :) Good luck!

Lis said...

Go Elana, that sounds pretty fun, not! Too bad you couldn't be on the sexy back team. Good luck. :)

Jenn said...

It's a good thing they explicitly state "no stealing significant others." Otherwise, you know, that would be a big problem. :)

Good luck! You can totally do it! And check out Body for Life. Seriously the best "bringing sexy back" weightloss program on the earth. :) They have a competition every year for the people who can bring sexy back in 12 weeks, and there's a category for large groups. I bet Team Lose-a-Lot could totally rock that challenge.

Julie Butcher said...

They have GAIN WEIGHT drugs? Whatever for? My personal favorite excert-size is to dance to my Mp3 doing laundry, when nobody is home. I DON'T WANT TO SCARE THE KIDS!!!


Sarah Jensen said...

Julie, the gain weight drugs are for the scrawny high school boys who want to bulk up. I don't know girls who take them. :)
And go Elana! You will Kill! Keep us updated on your success!

Anonymous said...

Kill it - Elana....You really should be on the Bringing Sexy Back team though...oh well!!!

Ps - my word verification word is aleakine...isn't that Hawaiian for "Kill It" - just kidding!

Elana Johnson said...

Thanks guys! Day one is almost over and I haven't had any soda, no treats, and I exercised! Julie, I'm going to do DDR most days.

Yanno, gotta bring sexy back. *snort*

jess said...

no harpooning! BWAHA HAHAH.

and you are that funny.

team lose a lot? lame. bringing sexy back? hilarious.

kcsars said...

Uh, yea. Who knew we had a regular Seinfeld down the hall? I thoroughly enjoy the banterific rules; especially when I don't have to live by them! It's all gut-busting-to-the-oldies laughter. I'm finding this first week of the contest great entertainment around the school. Dare I say better analysis fun than Survivor? Nay, but I stay optimistic. It could get verrry close as the belts tighten and the hormones tantrum from their caffeine deprivation! Good luck to you; Bust-a-Lot o' calories outta here!

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