So my school is doing this Biggest Loser thing for the new year. I figured since I am F-A-T (and that's not phat, which would be totally yanno, phat), I decided to sign up. The teacher is charge is hilarious (more on that in a sec). We get points for drinking water, eating veggies, not drinking soda, the works. I'm gonna have to squeeze in 30 minutes of exercise time every day. Can't let the team down.
Which team? That's right--we were organized into teams. The names made me spew my Weight Watchers soup. "Bringing Sexy Back" was my favorite. Sadly, I didn't get put on that team. My team is "Team Lose-A-Lot." I guess that's okay, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it, you know?
Anyway, here's the funniest part. We got a list of "rules" for the Biggest Loser. "If you starve yourself, you are out." That's pretty good. Nuthin' like trying to keep the teachers alive.
This one is my absolute favorite. I wish I could be this witty. "There is no fighting, gossiping, name calling, bickering, accusing, punching, kicking, blackmailing, pulling hair, whining, putting weight-gaining drugs in other people's food, cheating, tripping other players so as to stop them from exercising, arguing, evil conspiring, giving evil looks, stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy, taking weight-loss pills, etc."
Can't. Stop. Laughing. "...stealing significant others when the contest is over and you look dead sexy..."
The contest starts today and I'm going to kill it. Kill. It. It doesn't hurt that I've spent the last year gaining as much weight as possible and am now the size of a small blue whale. But, you know, baby steps.