Okay, so I sort of feel like this post should go up on a Tuesday, as it's sort of a confessional. I don't know, I guess all my posts are like a confessional. I mean, seriously.
I just want to say this: Writing is totally different than writing for publication. One is fun; one is suffocating. One is you writing whatever you want. The other is freaking out because your draft is a terrible no-good piece of trash, and you'll never get it right. One is why you started writing, the other is why you keep writing.
I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, because I'm not. I'm simply saying that once you publish a book, you can't go back. (I may have stolen this post idea from Suits--which is the best. show. ever. Watch it. Love it. Let's chat.)
You can't go back to being not-published. You can't go back to your suckish ways. Everything you produce has to be "publishable."
That's where the choking fear comes in. And the suffocation. And the reason you keep writing. It's a blessing and a curse to be writing for publication.
In the past, I've had what I called a "pet project" that I wrote. No one knew about it, and I allowed myself to stink it up, be as indulgent as I wanted, and leave gaping plot holes. I quit doing that about a year ago, when life got crazy and I actually had to produce a book that will be published.
I miss that pet project time. So, today, I will take back my writing. I will do both: write for publication, and simply write for me.
Are you enjoying your writing time? Why or why not? Do you have a pet project, where you allow yourself to write badly?