Outlining Update

I know you're all dying to know how I fared on my outlines this month. I suppose it's time for a status update.

Goal: Have three different outlines for three Shiny New Ideas ready to send off by Sept. 1. With each outline, include sample pages (about 50).

What I Actually Achieved: Two full outlines, with sample pages for both ideas. One with 93 pages, one with 57.

Grade: 2 out of 3 ain't bad, right? 66%? Okay, that's a D. Whatever.

So, how did I--self-proclaimed hater of outlines (and holy cow, are they hard!!)--do it?

So many of you provided links and whatnot to help. I'll admit that most of what I read made absolutely no sense to me whatsoever. My brain just doesn't think that way. I loathe the Three Act Structure with every fiber in my heart and liver. Loathe.

But in the end, the explanations Alex Sokoloff's blog provided me with something that made a tiny bit of sense. I read her posts and took notes.

And then I started outlining. I learned several things from doing this:

1. My MC wasn't the most important character. I had to fix that up real fast.

2. Outlining is exactly like pantsing, except you make the crap up BEFORE you actually write it. Go figure.

And for the official record, outlining is MUCH harder. It's like concentrated thinking. With pantsing you can spread out the thinking over weeks or months. With outlining, it's like eating frozen orange juice concentrate straight from the can. It makes you cringe and pucker and salivate like a Great Dane. AND it's nasty. 

3. Outlining causes me to stare aimlessly more than anything else. Seriously, I wasted hours of my life just staring.

4. The thought of outlining keeps me off the computer. Good thing I have a stack of books three feet high. And I have now seen every Chopped and Office episode.

5. Never write "outline" on your to-do list. You'll never cross it off. Ev-er. You just keep doing it until the breath has been sucked out of your body. Don't believe me? Try it.

So are you an outliner or a pantser? A little of both? What have you learned from outlining?

Avoiding Annoyances

Okay, so everyone has things that annoy them. I do, trust me. A lot of things. For one, I can't stand it when people make fun of me for saying "front forward." I know it's wrong, okay? I just don't care!

So annoying.

But I've come up with a few tips that will hopefully save you some annoyance points. Then you can use them up on your kids and send them to bed early. *wink*

1. Work. Work is annoying. It gets in the way of what I want to do = write. I can't read blogs, I can't email or chat incessantly, and I can't sleep in until 9. You may say that giving up those things is actually good, that work is actually rewarding.

You would be wrong. And also now annoying me.

So I've got the solution: sell your book for millions! Foreign rights, movie rights, large print and/or audio rights! The sky's the limit, baby. I mean, you sold a book! Aren't you going to be like, uber-rich now??

Yes. Adios annoyance.

2. The Non-Getters. You know who these people are. They're not fans, or family members, or other writers. They're the people you barely know who ask you stuff and get close to you at parties and/or church because they think it's cool you're an author, but they clearly don't "get" anything about what it takes to A) write a book B) get an agent C) sell a book D) refine the book and/or E) actually publish a book.

They want a (free) signed copy at their earliest convenience.

I say: No problem! I've got just what you need to give them what they want.

A smile, a nod, a high-pitched laugh, and an early escape from the conversation by going, "Ca-caw! Ca-caw!" and having your friend rescue you when she hears the prearranged distress call (never leave home without it).

See ya later, alligator.

3. Good books. Yeah, they shouldn't annoy me. They do. I wish I'd written them. I wish other people weren't so dang talented. I wish, I wish, I wish.

So in my ultra-annoyed state over the fact that my creative genius is actually creative crap, I've devised a solution to this never-ending nightmare of annoyance.

I've started a little self-talk, and it goes something like this: "This is a very good book, Elana. You should learn from it instead of being so insanely jealous and/or depressed that you'll never write like this, and/or have such a vivid imagination, and/or tap into your emotions in the right way. Maybe consider taking some notes on what they do that you like so much, and hey, maybe you'll figure out where all the key points are so you can actually finish that outline you started three weeks ago and never finished, and oh my heck, your deadline is in like, less than a week, and you're not done yet, and why are you wasting time reading this annoyingly good book??"

So you can see what I've done here. I've actually distracted myself AWAY from the annoyance and into panic.

Works every time.

What annoys you, and what are your Annoyance Solutions?

**Disclaimer: this blog post may or may not contain situations that may or may not have occurred in my life. Or with this friend I know...

Outlining

Okay, I need some major help. So I'm turning to you. I'm begging. Literally begging. I spent the weekend googling and researching (yes, I have hives) about how to outline. (I've outlined the chapters I've written, but let's face it, that's like a no-duh.)

I haven't found anything that "clicked" with me. You know me, I put a spin on everything. Dan Wells lectures about plotting and I turn it into a formula to write a synopsis.

I need something like this for an outline. So I don't want the snowflake method or anything like that. I need a personal spin, a simplification, a system, SOMETHING, on outlining.

I'm begging so hard I'm near tears.

How do you create an outline for a book you haven't written yet??

Please, please someone write a post about it this week and email it to me so I can gain some insight into this mystery called outlining.

The Dirty O-Word

That's right. *whispers* Outlining. I blogged a WiP Wednesday or two ago about this evil. And I thought it would be hilarious if I posted my outline. I know some of you aren't going to believe me. Like I'm one of those people you see on late night television with Jay Leno who doesn't know there is a South and a North Dakota. I swear I'm not. I swear I'm smart. Honestly. I even have the GPA to prove it. I just can't wrap my mind around outlining.

So here's what my feeble and pathetic attempts at outlining yielded.

And outline...go. These are chapters, BTW.

1. Intro to Penelopie - how she can feel death. Death is coming

2. Intro to Blake - backstory on their death partnership, world-building

3. Intro to Jayne - more on P's abilities - more about Blake

4. Blake asks Pen to the beach - backstory on what Pen's doing in her "family"

5. Characterization on Jayne, Sasha and Ruth.

6. Home life – real-life intro to Pen’s parents

7. Beach

8. Jayne’s death


And outline...out.

And that took me most of one day to do. I wanted to die (I still do). And I haven't worked on that novel since. I just can't go back to the horror waiting for me in that Word document. Can you really call that an outline? I mean look at number 7. It's one freaking word. How is that an outline?

I need therapy. Serious therapy. Does anyone know someone who's great with Outline: Fail patients? Please leave me their phone number in the comments.

Oh, and your insight on the dirty o-word would be appreciated too. kthxbai.