What You Should Know re: Non-Writers

Okay, look, people. There are a few things you need to know about non-writers. Yeah, yeah. I've seen those posts where writers try to tell non-writers what They need to know about Us. This isn't that post.

Because let's face it. If you're a writer, you're not normal. I repeat, if you're a writer, you're not normal. Besides, there're way more non-writers than writers, so you need to conform to the whole, okay? Okay.

Some tips:

Know your pitch. Not only will this take you far in conferences and with writing a killer query letter, but you'll be able to keep the interest of your non-writer friends.

See, they don't really care about your book. They care about you, but you have about ten (maybe twenty) seconds to tell them about your book before their eyes glaze over. You need to be able to answer the question "What's your book about?" in under twenty seconds. That way, when your accountant, old boyfriend, or grocery store checker asks you, you can tell them. And they'll still think you're human afterward, which is a huge bonus.

Refrain from talking about your characters as if they were alive. Trust me on this, it doesn't work. And non-writers get this scary edge in their eyes, and their fingers twitch like they need to dial for medical help, stat! when you discuss people that aren't alive.

Keep these kinds of convos between you and your CP's or other writerly friends. We get it. They do not.

Don't rationalize. Number one, it's a tad pathetic that we writers can't keep up with the laundry or remember to take dinner out of the oven before the whole kitchen is filled with smoke. The last thing we need to do is blame our writing for our lack of Martha Stewartness. I mean, that just makes the whole industry suffer, don't you think?

Own your shortcomings, because non-writers don't see writing as a reason why your kids ate cold cereal for the third night in a row.

Take a minute to pretty yourself up. Have you seen that Seinfeld where Elaine stays up all night writing a cartoon for The New Yorker? And Jerry makes fun of her because she doesn't even run a comb through her hair before leaving the apartment.

Yeah, I know that most writers are part vampire, and we can't stand the sun and we don't sleep. But seriously, people. You belong to a non-writer population as a whole. Take some time to change your clothes and brush your hair and teeth before leaving the sanctuary of your writing cave. And certainly don't cite writing as the reason you look like death warmed over. Non-writers only forgive the homeless and those who run for pleasure for looking like that. Srsly.

Accept the fact that They don't get it. You may be a very talented Sith Lord, but you are not going to convert the non-writer to the writing side. Loved ones may support you because they know how important this writing thing is to you. But the vast majority of non-writers don't get it. If they did, we wouldn't hear things like, "I wish I could write a book."

Love them for who they are: a non-writer. I mean, it takes both to make the world spin, right? Right.

What else do we writers need to know about non-writers? What did I miss? Have you showered yet today? (lol!)

I'm off to my husband's graduation (Masters, baby!) so I'll be offline for most of the weekend. Writers unite!

An Alluring Antag

Okay, so yesterday I said you needed to give your protag some kryptonite. They need weaknesses and shortcomings to go along with their perfectly toned bodies and killer girlfriend-smiles, right? Right.

But in the same little session on characters, Annette Lyon said something about antagonists too. Something I think I had needling around in the back of my mind, but not something I've done purposefully in my writing.

Again, lame-o that I am, I had no tape recorder, but here's what I remember.

The antag has to have redeeming qualities too. They must have something that is alluring about them as well. I suppose you could call it a weakness for them to have something they care about. And that makes us identify with them also.

The best books have both a main character who is flawed, yet fabulous. And an antagonist who is horrible, yet lovable. Or at least flawed to the point where we can see why they're making the choices they make.

For me, it all comes down to Voldemort. He is the ultimate antag for me.

Thoughts? Do you craft your antagonist as carefully as your protagonist? Do they have goals too? What makes them alluring? Does such a thing exist?

Kryptonize Me

I didn't take a bunch of character classes at the conference. Not really sure why, but I think I was focused more on marketing and stuff this time around. But I did lead a group of five aspiring authors in a critique group setting. During this intense time, we received a mini-lesson on characters.

And I heard something that stuck with me. The presenter, Annette Lyon, gave a lesson on protags.

She said, "Even Superman had his Kryptonite."

*insert a-ha moment*

I've heard it before. Your protag can't be perfect, they need flaws, blah blah blah. But you know how you just hear the right words in the right order and suddenly everything clicks into place? That's what happened here.

So when you're developing your protag, remember that they need their own brand of Kryptonite.

What do you think? Have you given your protag some Kryptonite? Has it made them stronger? More believable? More relatable? How so?

The Great Myth

Yeah, this week is going to be filled with wisdom I heard at the conference I attended over the weekend. I hope you read something inspiring.

Today's bit of wisdom happened in a casual conversation I had with Delacorte (Random House) editor Krista Marino (she worked on The Maze Runner and Forest of Hands and Teeth). Suzette Saxton and I were chatting with her about our agents and whatnot and Krista said something like this:

I think that's one of the biggest myths, that you have to have these amazing connections to make it in publishing, that you can't get out of the slush pile. But we see debut authors from the slush pile all the time.

That's not word for word, because I didn't have my tape recorder on me (I don't even own one yet!) and I heard a lot of great things. But that's the general gist.

So rid yourselves of the myth that you can't make it by writing a killer query and a strong story and then persevering.

What do you think? Can you go from no-one-in-small-town-wherever to published author? What do you think it takes to get there?

Maybe

Dude, you guys, I just went to a fabu conference (thanks SO MUCH for the laughter. It helped so much!).

One of the conference coordinators made this wicked awesome slide show that made all these goosebumps rise up on my arms, and super-embarrassing tears to prick my eyes. I mean, who cries at a powerpoint presentation? Srsly.

I asked for the whole slide show, because it was just that awesome. I'm waiting to hear back and/or just provide a link to it if I have to.

But this video was in it. I know, I know. I'm not a huge fan of videos either, but this one is only a minute long and it's the best thing ever.



What do you think? I know it's a basketball commercial, but the concept is the same for writing. How many times have we read wicked-amazing books and just thought their authors pumped that out overnight? Or became legends without any hard work? Without any rejection, heartbreak, or tears? Without any despair?

Do we think that every book starts in the bookstore and not with sleepless nights and sore fingers, demoralizing critiques and a whole lotta freaking hard work?

What will it take to become a legendary author? And are you up to the challenge?

I am.

Wanted: Laughter

Okay, so it's 4:13 AM as I write this. I wish that were a lie, but whatev.

I'm presenting at a conference today. I'm not gonna lie, I'm leaning toward "Holy-crap-what-was-I-thinking?" on the terror spectrum. My heart, at 4:13 AM, is doing this sort of slow thud, where it shakes my whole chest. It's weird. My heart's never pounded like that before, except for when I started walking on the treadmill after two years of sitting on the couch = exercise.

Anyway, so I have a request, cuz I know you guys are awesome like this. My presentation is at 3 PM (5 PM EST, 4 PM CST, 2 PM PST).

Can I get an LOL from you about that time? See, when people laugh at me, I actually relax. I'm sort of like a comedian, and the whole point of the things I say is to get people to laugh. And I'm very worried that my uh...quirky? Yeah, quirky sense of humor isn't going to go over so well today.

So just send a laugh into the universe around 3 PM MST, and I'll feel the vibes of the great blogosphere and maybe I won't freak out. Or maybe this feeling is normal for people who are awake at 4:13--now 4:15--AM. I have no idea, I've never actually been awake at this hour before. Well, I did work--omigosh, Elana, ramble much?

Okay, yeah. Nerves.

Wanted: laughter.

And jokes! If you have some jokes, I like reading those too. Then maybe I can use the material if my "quirky" sense of humor isn't winning over the crowd. *grins*

Throwing Up That First Draft

I quite enjoy reading the writing process of other people. So today, I thought I'd give you a glimpse inside my head. Hold on tight, cuz it's sort of a wild ride.

I relate writing my first draft to vomiting. I know, I hope you haven't recently eaten or taken a drink of something.

For me, it's just word vomit. I don't outline. I don't have whiteboards with post-it's. There are no snowflakes going on at my house.

I'm pantsing my way through life. (Hey! I could totally change the words to the Wicked song. "Pantsing through life...")

In my defense, I usually think about my story/characters for a little while, but I have no character sheets done, no pictures in my head, sometimes not even names.

Some of you are spasming right now, I can tell. Sorry. If you're looking for "organization while writing" you won't find it here.

I decide that hey, it's time to do this thing and I sit down at the computer. I open a new Word document, and feel this tiny tremor of terror at the blank page. See, I'm not so good with blank pages.

I am a better rewriter than writer. But I can't rewrite what I don't have.

So I flex my fingers--no, really, I do--and I start typing.

And word vomit comes out.

At the end of my writing session, I type notes for what might come next. Usually my notes are longer than what I've got on the story. I do organize the notes into chapters and scenes, so that when I come back the next day to write, I'm ready.

My notes change constantly. I'm always deleting old ones and typing new ones, because my story evolves so much as I write. So, so much.

At about 10,000 words, I usually hit a wall I have to navigate around. Or over. Or through. Whatever. At about 20,000 words, I take a break and write the query letter and a loose synopsis. This helps focus my writing on the end goal. At this time, I identify the two "pinches" in my story, and align them with the end of part one and the end of part two. See, I write in sections--usually 3. So I position my "pinches" to come at the end of those sections to keep the reader moving along.

Once I have that, I'm ready to write again. Nothing is set in stone, and my pinches change, the notes change, the story changes as I actually sit down and vomit up the words.

I can usually pound out a 75,000-word first draft in 6-8 weeks. (Side note: I just wrote 37,000 words before I realized I couldn't use any of them. So I abandoned the project and have started it over. No, really. This is the writing-life of a pantser. Or maybe just me...Crap!) And it's so, so, so messy that I can't stand to open it again for a while. I mean, the stench alone keeps me away. So I usually re-visit my query and synopsis and shine them up.

Then I get to rewrite. But that's a story for another post.

What about you? How do you write your first draft? Are you an outliner or a pantser? What works for you? What doesn't? How long does it take?

One-Sentence Pitching

Okay, so the contest with Chris Richman is coming up. I know putting together one sentence that pitches your book is hard. Terrifying. Chocolate-worthy. Here're some posts that will hopefully help.

Sisters in Scribe did a great post here.

Mary Lindsey gave us some wisdom on the QT blog about the "elevator pitch."

Literary agent, Joanna Volpe, weighed in on pitches here.

Author Michelle McLean gave some insight on writing a logline (repubbed on the QT blog).

I blogged about the high-concept hook here.

Randy Ingermanson analyzes pitches here and here. (Thanks to Nicole for the linkage!)

And what would my pitch be for my YA dystopian novel, CONTROL ISSUES?

In a world where Thinkers brainwash the population and Rules are not meant to be broken, fifteen-year-old Violet does a hell of a job shattering them to pieces in her search for answers about her “dead” sister and not-so-missing father.

Hope something helps! What do you think? Can you craft a single sentence that describes your book? What do you say when people ask you what your book is about? That's your pitch. Make it into one sentence and get ready for the contest!

And so much for only blogging 3 days this week! Sheesh. At least I have nothing planned for Thursday...yet. *grins*

Upcoming Agent-Judged Contest!

Howdy, people!

Okay, so over on the QueryTracker blog, we've got another agent-judged contest coming up.

WHEN: Tuesday, April 27 (not today! TUESDAY, APRIL 27. That's not even tomorrow.)

WHO: Chris Richman, from the fabulous Upstart Crow Literary Agency.

WHAT: One-sentence pitch of your YA/MG novel.

WHERE: On the QueryTracker blog (not here!). You must be a follower of the QT blog to enter, because Mr. Richman has NOT capped the entries!! That's right, people, no cap! The contest will remain open for 24 hours, and if we get 600 entries, so be it!

So get your novel distilled down to your best one-sentence pitch and join us on Tuesday, April 27.

Do we know how to throw a contest or what?? And do I use too many exclamation points or what?!? Whatever (or what?). Go get your pitch ready!

For Your Entertainment

I quite enjoy this song, and how can you not love anyone who does sign language? I mean, seriously. I rarely post videos, but this one is awesomesauce.

And I may or may not be out of things to blog about at this time. I'm fried from spring break--staying up late and swimming can really wear a person down. I'm going to a M/W/F posting schedule next week so I can finish my conference presentations and feel human and all that other jazz.

But for today, this is pure entertainment. I'm not even going to ask you any questions. (Ha!)

More To Consider

Okay, I've gotten a lot of great emails from you guys re: blogging. Thank you! I love reading and responding to them. And you guys are like, writing my posts for me, so there's that too. *smiles*

So I thought I'd share a little bit more. Just things that personally annoy me (like the neonity of blogs) or that I think make blogging harder. And we all know that we don't want our blog to be hard to like or hard to read or hard to comment on.

So consider:

1. Music. Please, don't. I often (very often) have music on already, and I don't want to listen to yours. Rude? Probably. (Sorry!) It's okay to have a player, but set it so it doesn't start automatically. Then, if I'm interested in your music, I can have the freedom of choice to play it myself.

2. Comment verification. I know this can be a tricksy little bugger. If you feel like you MUST use it (I recently took mine off, and have less than 5 anonymous spam comments), please use the pop-up window that already has the word in it.

If you're opposed to pop-up windows for some reason, use the full-page form with the word already in it. Waiting for my verification word to load is annoying. Like, seriously annoying.

Here's how you do that:
1. From your dashboard, go to SETTINGS and then COMMENTS of the blog you want to alter (Hey, I have four).
2. In the COMMENT FORM PLACEMENT choose either "Full page" or "Pop-Up Window."
3. Scroll down.
4. In the COMMENT MODERATION area, choose "Older than [fill in blank] days." Then you can approve all comments on posts that are over a certain number of days old. Mine's set at 14 right now, just because that's the blogger default, I think. That way, if someone is commenting on posts older than 2 weeks, I must approve them.
5. Right below that, in SHOW WORD VERIFICATION FOR COMMENTS? choose "No." Of if you must, say yes, and if you've chosen full page or pop-up window, at least then I don't have to wait for your verification word to load before I can sub my comment.

Easy peasy. And this will make your blog an easier, happier place to leave comments. At least for me.

3. Follower widget. For the love, put it at the top of your blog. I don't want to scroll through a millionty awards to follow you.

What else? I feel like I've dispelled all my bloggy opinions/knowledge, so I think this might conclude this whole blogging series. Me = *panic face* What am I going to blog about now?? Guess I better put on my "What If?" hat.

Blogging For You

I told you I was gonna come back to this. Well, I really am. Today. I've heard some people say they started blogging as a way for them to get what's inside of them, out.

Okay.

So maybe I did too. Remember how I didn't tell anyone about my blog? Or that I was anonymous? Yeah. It was for me. I was terrified to have anyone else read my inner-most thoughts, mostly because I was afraid people would think I was lame or not smart enough to blog or whatever.

Let me just say that I do think you must enjoy blogging. Anything you do for an extended period of time must be enjoyed, or else you'll quit.

But that doesn't mean I'm still blogging the same way I was two years ago. Many things have changed. I've changed. So my blog does too.

Let me outline the ways my blog is for me:
1. I like doing it. A lot. I benefit from this.
2. It's an excellent promotional tool. I benefit from this.

So really, my blog is all about me. But I choose carefully what I say here, because I want you to feel welcome and comfortable and appreciated. And with MY attitude in THAT place, then what is enjoyable for me (hopefully) becomes enjoyable for you too.

Imagine you're at a big table, dining with your bloggy buddies. You don't hog the conversation do you? Read from your novel every second or anything like that. No. You laugh and joke, talk about real life a little, things you like a little. You ask questions about other people to get to know them. You share some of your life, some of your writing, some of yourself.

You invite them to do the same. And that's how you can enjoy yourself at dinner. That's also how you can enjoy yourself while blogging. It's all about you, but there has to be a place for others at the table.

What do you think? Are you enjoying it? Are you leaving room for other people to enjoy it too? I think that when we enjoy it, others will feel that and keep coming back. So if you're blogging for you -- keep it up! Just leave a little room at the table, okay? Okay.

GLEE is on Tonight!

That is all.

Well, maybe not all.

Besides writing and family and all that, what makes you giddy with GLEE?

Now I Am The Voice

Having a down day? A down month? Wondering if this writing thing is for you? Got too many voices in your head--and I don't mean characters. I mean self-doubt--? Those stinging ones I talked about last week, saying "I can't." or "I'm not good enough." Or whatever.

Try this on for size. (And yes, I cry at this assembly. UVU--a local university--athletes come and present it to schools. I am a baby. Deal with it.)

Now I am the VOICE.
I will LEAD, not follow.
I will CREATE, not destroy.
I am a FORCE for GOOD
I am a LEADER
DEFY the ODDS
Set a NEW STANDARD
Step up

Step up

Step up!

(~Anthony Robbins)

So today, I invite you to silence the stinging voices, and take control. Today, YOU are the VOICE. What will you say?

Pop Quiz! (Oh, Stop Bawling and Just Answer)

Okay, so I had something totally different planned for today. Wrote the post way last week and all that.

But I've been reading a lot of queries over the past four days (conference coming up -- yikes!) and I just have one question for you.

Question: What's the purpose of a query letter?

You tell me.

I know what I think it is. I want to repeat it over and over like one of those never-ending hashtags you see on twitter that no one can figure out.

But I won't. I want you to tell me. What's the purpose of the query letter?

If you don't know, maybe that's why writing the darn thing is so freaking hard. I mean, srsly.

Oh, and I may or may not use what you say in my presentation. Just so you know. *wink*

And yes, I'll tell you what I think later.

One more thing: If you have a second, head over to Lisa and Laura's blog. They have this amazing (anonymous) editor who's starting a blog (The Book Sniper) and WANTS your QUESTIONS! So YOU can be the POP QUIZZER over there! Go, go, go!