Friday, October 22, 2010

Why I Am Human

So there's been some talk on the blogosphere about my clones, how I somehow buy hours on the black market, you know, stuff like that.

Lies! All lies!

I am human. I only have 24 hours in the day. And I sleep for 8 of those every day. I work part-time outside my home, and sometimes I make dinner. Sometimes I don't. I do have time during the day where I'm home alone while my two kids are at school.

I think the only thing I have going for me is my extreme typing skills. I can type fast. Maybe that allows me to answer emails quicker or leave blog comments quicker. I don't know. But I do know that I'm just like you.

Human.

Maybe I have a system for getting to blogs quickly. Maybe I have more "free time" than you do. Maybe I don't write as much as you do. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

But if you cut me, I still bleed red.

I am not super-charming in person. I'm socially awkward and I laugh too loud. I never know what to say or what not to say. I monopolize the conversation sometimes. Sometimes I don't say what I should. Sometimes my feelings are hurt. Sometimes I hurt others.

Just as I'm sure you have. See, you and I, we're not all that different.

I cry. (Unprettily.) I laugh. (Too loud.) I work. (Hard.) I email. (Too much.) I long for things I don't have. (More than I should.) I look at new cars on the Internet and dream of buying them. (Dodge Charger.) I read. (I *heart* books.) I listen to Pandora. (Glee Cast and Kesha FTW!)

Just like you.

I am human.

So...any questions? I swear I only type with two hands. Have you ever felt like someone has unrealistic expectations of you? How do you live under that weight?


And see how I have like, 2 more followers to 1600? Don't you think we should have some sort of party at 1600? What should we do? December is my birthday month, and I don't have a pay it forward event lined up... Hmm... brain churnage...

99 comments:

Jemi Fraser said...

Whew! Relieved the rumours aren't true :)

I feel those unrealistic expectations at work sometimes. I work HARD at my job - I put in far too many hours. And people still want more. *sigh*

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Wow, you get eight hours of sleep? You're a smart woman. I somehow haven't convinced myself that I really do need that much. But what I get now is an improvement over the 5-5:30 hours I used to get. ;)

My birthday month is November, almost December. :D

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Wish I typed fast - I'm hunt and peck.
And I keep telling everyone that I'm just Alex.

Jen Daiker said...

I like you choose to take my 8 hours of sleep, I watch a lot of bloggers dwindle down to only a few but without sleep I'm not friendly!

As for being human, that's lame. Who wants to be human? Thank goodness for books or our boring lives would start to take over!

Jen Daiker said...

BTW - I'm all about typing MEGA fast... and a party at 1600! Woohoo for December celebrations! I too will be having a contest coming up, in lieu of 900 followers and the race to 1000 :)

Caroline Starr Rose said...

I'm 12/16, and you, Birthday Girl?

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

So weird. I'm human too. Who woulda thunk it? ;)

It's funny how outgoing we can be online and blogs but then be so introverted in person, isn't it?

Natalie Aguirre said...

Glad to know you're human. And that you work part-time. Maybe that's why you have a tad more time than me to be so amazingly connected to all these blogs.

Yes, I definitely feel the weight of work, taking care of a sick husband and doing everything for my daughter, the house, etc. Some days I handle it well and others I want to crawl back into bed. That's why I'm a slower writer but it's okay. At least I write.

Your blog titles are always so good.

Jayne said...

You mean you can't buy hours on the black market?!! My hopes are dashed. :)

Lydia Sharp said...

Have you ever felt like someone has unrealistic expectations of you?

Oh dear God, yes. Especially in the online writing community. I love y'all and I wouldn't trade this life for any other, but sometimes I do feel overwhelmed. *folds second set of arms behind her back* I'm only human.

salarsenッ said...

High expectations and they don't even realize it. Yeah. My fam is wonderful--4 kids & the hubs are very supportive of my writing. But in the thick of life, they forget that and just keep pecking at me. Phew...done my rant. I'm rather human, too, E. Glad we're in the same club.

Mary said...

Oh I wish I could speed type! Just continue being you that's the best you can be.

Christine Fonseca said...

Oh dude...I live under the crushing weight of expectations every single day. And I LOVE this post. HUGS!!!

Michelle McLean said...

ha! nice try...tell your clone to stop writing misleading blog posts ;-)

I think unrealistic expectations are a huge part of this business...both in what we expect from ourselves and what others expect from us. Which is why I think so many writers burn out and don't ever reach their goals.

We humans need to give ourselves and everyone else a break every now and then :)

Matthew Rush said...

Oh my god. 8 hours sounds really nice ...

And Kesha? Did I ever send you this?

Hannah Kincade said...

I can type fast. I just have slow internet! Lol! For reals. I also spend over 8 hours a day staring at a computer screen and sometimes my eyes just say no.

Quinn said...

Buying hours on the black market would be a great thing. Actually, I wouldn't have to if my job would just cut back my hours (I have to be here a ridiculous amount of time even though I only teach about half of the time I'm required to be here).

I think a 1600 followers celebration would be pretty cool. Can't say I have any ideas though.

Annie McMahon said...

You're telling us you're human, just like that, without any preparation? It's like telling a young kid Santa doesn't exist. ;)

Great post! Sometimes people *cough*husband*cough* think I'm super-human too. Would be nice, but I'm just me.

Dolly said...

I think now there should be another post about how despite being only human like us, you make super efficient use of your 24 hours ;)

Nisa said...

Sometimes people have unrealistic expectations of us and sometimes people just see us as we really are and we have a hard time seeing ourselves that way. Take your pick. :D I for one think you are one of the most awesome humans on the planet! Anyone who helps and serves others as much as you do qualifies as superhuman in my book. Does that make my expectations of you too high? I'm a total realist for the record. ;)

Summer said...

This is from one Star Trek nerd to another:

Kirk: At times you seem quite human.

Spock: Captain, I don't think that insults are within your prerogative as my commanding officer

Eleven Eleven said...

Self improvements are up to me, and as long as I know I'm working hard enough on my flaws, I don't worry what other people say. Sure, they can leave comments in the suggestion box, but ultimately I decide.

Since I know and accept my flawed self, it doesn't guilt trip me for anybody else to point out shortcomings. Yep. That's me. Flawed. Drop a note in my suggestion box, and if I agree, I'll add it to my to-do list. But I'm warning you, it's a long list. It might take me years to get to that one...if agree with you, which I might not.

Elana Johnson said...

Summer--LOL! I seriously cannot stop laughing.

Michelle--you made me snort out loud too. Tell my clone to stop writing misleading blog posts! ROFL!

Matthew, no, you've never given me that, and I'm clicking...now.

Caroline--December 11! 12/11, baby!

Natalie--I'm with you. Some days I shoulder everything well. Other days I need reality TV and ice cream and my down comforter.

Dolly--good idea.

Nisa, you are too kind! I try, and that's all I can do, right? I hope.

Annie--oh, crap! You mean Santa doesn't exist?? ;-)

Jayne, I have yet to find hours on the black market and even if I did, I couldn't afford them. I'm a part-time teacher. We don't make much.

Ishta Mercurio said...

"I am not super-charming in person. I'm socially awkward and I laugh too loud. I never know what to say or what not to say. I monopolize the conversation sometimes. Sometimes I don't say what I should. Sometimes my feelings are hurt. Sometimes I hurt others."

This sounds like me. And I wish I could get 8 hours of sleep a day!

I need to manage my time better. And take a typing class. And maybe a speed-reading class.

It's good to know we're all human, living under that weight of others' expectations. I feel it from my kids - they're still young enough to think their dad and I are gods.

Yes to a 1600 party! Woo-hoo!

Anne said...

I just run out of creative juices. After a few days of blogging and commenting in a row I need a break. :)

Holly Ruggiero said...

I heard you were a robot. I suppose that isn't true either. Unless you’re a cyborg?!

Truly, you have excellent time management skills. I admit I do tend to waste a little here and there. Mad typing skills totally helps. I’m getting faster and that has helped me.

Tabitha said...

Well, I can see how people might think there are, like, three of you (at least) because of the sheer amount of stuff you're involved with. Write On Con, your blog, The League of Extraordinary Writers, What Writers Read, the fact that you visit and participate in so many blogs, etc. It's easy to think that you've either figured out how to clone yourself, or you're Super Elana. :)

Personally, I just think you have an amazing amount of energy, which I often envy. :) Then again, I only get two hours of computer time a day, so that limits what I can do in the blogosphere. Next year, when my youngest son starts first grade, I'll have the full day. So maybe my perspective will shift then, and I'll be able to understand how you do all you do. :) Until then, I am quite impressed. :)

Erica M. Chapman said...

Dang, you even get 8 hours of sleep! You rock! I get like 5 1/2 most nights... I think you use your time wisely ;o)

Nice to know you're human though, there was a pool going, I won. Kidding. I didn't win.

Have a great weekend ;o)

Liza said...

Good for you for all you do in spite of being human. And 1600 followers? Seriously? I don't use this term usually...but I can' think of anything else. You rock.

KarenG said...

Are you sure you aren't buying followers on the black market LOL?

Carolyn V. said...

You don't have clones? I was going to ask you where to get mine. =) Elana, you are super cool, I'm so glad you are human. And yes, I have had people expect more from me than I could do.

roxy said...

I want the Dodge charger, too. And dang, I knew I should have paid attention in my typing classes.

Angela Ackerman said...

Hmm, I don't know. I strongly suspect that you and Nathan Bransford were both taken as children and put into a special program (FRINGE style) to become superhumanly talented at mulittasking.

But then I also believe that there really are Underpants Gnomes that will steal your underwear while you sleep. The idea is too plausible NOT to believe.

Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

VR Barkowski said...

The problem with working hard and accomplishing stuff is that folks who don't work hard want to think it's easy. To compensate, they find excuses why you TOTALLY RAWK ("that Elana, she can't be human…"), while they're just rocks. :)

Lisa_Gibson said...

You're human, but you're one super human. :) I'm sure there are days you don't feel like you are, but you are. It's a burden you'll just have to bare.
*sigh* Yes, I feel there are unfair expectations sometimes and there are times I'm sure those are put there by me. (yes, even worse) Have a fantastic Friday!
Lisa ~ YA Literature Lover

Lola Sharp said...

EIGHT HOURS of sleep??!? What is this phenomenon of which you speak? Eight hours? *sigh* It's been a long time since I slept eight hours.

I don't think there is such a thing as "too loud" laughter.
Of all the things to knock yourself for, please don't knock that trait.
Laughter, even laughter with snorts and honking, is still fabulous fun. (minus any slatter spittle. That I can do without)
Have a delightful weekend, E! (don't let the brain churnage get in the way)

Paul C said...

You are creative on the run... Most entertaining. Online networking is dynamic but a time magnet.

Elena Solodow said...

See if you can type up to 1600/minute, then have a DOUBLE celebration.

Lydia Kang said...

I speed type too. So useful.
I know what you mean. After a while, you just have to be you. I think your blogging persona does seem larger than life. It's good knowing you're human like all of us!

Colene Murphy said...

Still not convinced. You're just so good at it ALL. You should feel complimented!!

lotusgirl said...

When too much is expected of me I withdraw into myself or say no to everything until life is back on an even kilter.

Tina Lynn said...

*dreams shattered* LOL. Just kidding. I love you even more than before. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Tere Kirkland said...

LOL! You mean I won't be able to have my own stable of clones someday to blog and email for me?

See, Elana, your problem is, you're a giver. You give too darn much of yourself, and it makes the rest of us look bad. ;)

In all seriousness, you are an example to us all. Have a great (relaxing) weekend!

Robert Guthrie said...

You're an INSPIRING human!

http://www.amiekaufman.com said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
B.J. Anderson said...

You are not socially awkward, Elana! And happy early b-day. :D You can never start celebrating too early.

Amie Kaufman said...

Wait, what? Not human? I want my money back! I have been reading on the understanding I would become superhuman if I kept going long enough! (PS -- look, finally mastered leaving comments. Only took weeks. If you want an example of Totally Human, look no further!)

ali said...

Thankfully, no one in my actual life has unrealistic expectations of me. It's only ME that expects too much of me.

Heather said...

It's okay, you don't have to get all defensive. We weren't going to blow your cover. ;-)

L.T. Elliot said...

I think I'm the one that expects too much out of myself. Although, my hubby has high expectations and I always worry about letting him down.

I think you're an AWESOME human, Elana. =D

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

Phew, thanks for that confession I sometimes wondered if you could be an alien LOL!! Ha ha, just kidding ;)

Gosh think of what we could do with more hours added to the day.

~Jamie said...

How true this is... people don't get that we're able to do all this online stuff because we make it a priority--there are actual sacrifices being made for this kind of awesome. :)

Krispy said...

I'm jealous of your 8 hours of sleep, but that's my own fault. I always somehow sacrifice my sleep first, even though I love it so much. :(

You mean you can't BUY extra hours?! THAT MAKES ME INCREDIBLY SAD.

Definitely feel the pressure of unrealistic expectations (i.e. going to med school, whut?). It sucks, but I just try to push along, stand my ground, and it helps to have supportive people to talk to. :)

On the other hand, CONGRATS on your nearly 1600 followers (and for being human!)!

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

I wish I could type fast. If I type fast I spell stuff wrong. lol.

Lenny Lee! said...

hi miss elana! you did a lot of honesty on yourself. i got feeling like you got some angry stuff going on for you. so if you did you got lots of it out in words and thats cool. yep! youre human for sure!:)wow so much followers. for sure you just gotta have a BIG contest or some real fun party. maybe you could have a lottabloggersbirthday party. you got some time to think on it til december. i hope you have a really fun weekend.
...hugs from lenny

Sara B. Larson said...

Wow, 1600!! I'm only, like, 1400 behind! ha ha ha. Definitely have a big party. And yes, you are human, but I'm going to have to say you are pretty much super-human. Or at least Superwoman. ;)

Jill Kemerer said...

You're amazing. Yes, you're human, but you also get a lot done.

I tend to monopolize a conversation when I've been home too much. It's embarrassing! Like, get me out of my cage--sheesh!

Have a great weekend!

Shannon Whitney Messenger said...

Eight hours of sleep???? *jealous* (but that's not because I have less time. I'm just an insomniac) :)

But hm. I'm still not sure I'm buying the whole human thing. I think I'll believe it when we FINALLY meet in person. ;)

Regina said...

Expectations are over rated. We all have our systems and yours works for you and we all just have to deal with it! ;)

I'm glad to have found your blog and read about what super fun you have being human. Good to know that you are still shopping I remember your blog post about wanting to be a billionaire to buy your hubby a new car. Someday you will!:D

Lisa and Laura said...

We're still not convinced...we like to think you're super-woman.

Lisa Potts said...

I'm so happy to have found another socially awkward person who laughs too loud.

Have you ever had one of those panicky moments where you know if you were normal you would be saying something instead of staring at the ceiling or the floor?

Amber Argyle-Smith said...

Ohhh, let's so party! We can go out for Italian again and freeze our butts off outside!

Or not, I'm just sayin'

But seriously, we need to do that again. Let me know, and I'm there.

Jodi Henry said...

So I'm following and number 1600. Woohoo. Thanks for the review of Torment. I had a hard time with reading it. Gave up after the first three chapters, but am going back to it after reading a few good reviews about it out here in the blogaverse.

Jodi

Joanna St. James said...

I am going to make it 1601 that has to be a lucky number eh? my super powers are writing fast and i exist on 5hours of sleep everyday until I get the call.
Thanx for coming to my blog

Susanne Winnacker said...

Wow. 1600 followers!

I think I'm the one who always has unrealistic expectations of myself. I'm kind of my worst enemy...lol

Kelly said...

Good for you for getting your eight hours of sleep in. I never can manage that as my last kid goes to bed before nine and I try and get a few hours of uninterrupted time for reading blogs, writing, chores or maybe even some tv.
I feel a lot of pressure now with the weight of getting the house ready for listing on my shoulders (hubby is at future location much of the time for work) which may not be unrealistic but feels like a lot of expectations to do it all!
And almost 1600, that is just awesome!!! Is that 1600 human followers?

Alice said...

You sound like somebody I would love to laugh outloud with....in church.

Pam Torres said...

Interesting post. Our own expectations are usually the hardest to achieve. Did I hear party? 1600 wow! Seriously, you are an inspiration!

Marsha Sigman said...

I'm still freaking out over you getting 8 hours of sleep. I am sooo getting the jack when it comes to that.

I have no free time. My family thinks dishes and laundry are done by magical fairies in the middle of the night. I am considering a strike in the near future.

Look at the Challenger, girl! The Charger is cool but the Challenger is hotrod heaven.lol

And I'm all for 1600 follower party. Congrats to you! You totally deserve it.

PS. I'm still not convinced you are human. Just sayin'.

DLCurran said...

Nooo! Say it isn't so! I was certain I was building up enough karma to be let in on the secret of the Black Market Hours... I thought, just a few more days... and now, you say, there's no hope for it?! Oh, the humanity! My world is now crushed! Bah! What do I do now?!

Of course, if you want to share speedy typing skill secrets, well, I'm all up for that!

And just for the record: my theory was always pretty boring - I just thought you had GREAT time management skills, baby! Unlike me... who seriously sucks at that!

Have a great weekend, Elana! 'See' you next week - and I can't wait to hear what your celebration will be!

Amanda Borenstadt said...

I'm so glad you laugh too loud. My husband laughs at my laugh and my kids tell me not to laugh in public. I don't know if it's too loud or just strange. But apparently there's something wrong with it. LOL

Donea Lee said...

Hi Elana! I also never feel like I have enough time in a day. If there is a black market for hours? Point me their way! Please?

I'd love to say that I'm a time-managing magnate, but it just isn't so. My blog is "The Queen of Procratination" after all...maybe it's all my fault.

But, I try. :)

Congrats on the 1600+!! Looks like you've reached it! And to your comment "I am not super-charming in person. I'm socially awkward and I laugh too loud." I noticed you right off and thought - "Wow - she seems like a fun person! I'd love to get to know her!" Socially awkward? Pshaw. :) And laughter, especially the loud kind, is good for your health!!

Donea Lee said...

(spell check) Procrastination.

Medeia Sharif said...

Some people have unrealistic expectations of me because they see me talented in some areas. I have to block them out or else they'll drive me crazy.

Janet Johnson said...

Well the truth is obvious. You have a Time Turner like Hermione used. You have to deny having it, because it's a rule. I'm too smart for you, missy. :)

Karen Lange said...

Good to know, for I wondered if others were feeling a little swamped too, or just somehow had more hours in their days. If I find some extra hours, you'll be the first to know. Have a good weekend,
Karen
P.S. A 1600 follower thing sounds great:)

Jeff King said...

I have learned to go with the flow... i sleep when i can and enjoy living when i can.

keep your head up

Jaime Theler said...

Unrealistic expectations seem to be the norm these days. That's why I treasure friends that still like me even when I fall short or stick my foot in my mouth. (Always.)

Congrats on the 1600!

Elizabeth Mueller said...

LOL, Elana, you crack me up. I admire you even more, you know that?
I think you ROCK live as you do over the internet. You are my hero!
;)

Great post, btw.

*hugs*

Elizabeth Mueller said...

PS--congrats on your followers! I can't wait to celebrate your birthday with us. Let me know what you want to do, I'd love to help you promote it. LOL, but I doubt you'll have much trouble with it seeing how many groupies ya have! ;)

Carolina Valdez Miller said...

It's not food!! It's Elana!!!!

Sorry, it's 5 AM and I've yet to go to sleep. Makes me punchy. :P

I seem to recall sending you an email recently asking you if you have found a way to earn more hours in a day...ha! Oh man, but only because you seem to have it so together, and so much on your plate. But it's an inspiration to all of us, my dear.

I feel the need to mention that the first line was a cheesy Soylent Green reference. I don't actually think you're food.

Oh my word, I need sleep. Only 250 pages left to revise...

Em-Musing said...

Human? yes. But more - you are woman, hear you ROAR!!!

kangaroobee said...

Apart from the eight hours sleep we have a lot in common, especially the talks too much or not enough. Socially awkward is an understatemet, so if you can get past that for the promotion side, we can too. Thanks for sharing!

Lois D. Brown said...

Liar. You are not socially awkward. I've met you. And a loud laugh is a beautiful thing. My biggest human fault? Sometimes I act like a martyr. I get it from my mom, and I hate doing do it but I still do. Weird, huh?

T C Mckee said...

Sounds like my life to a T! I always worry about saying the wrong thing too, but when you have a sick sense of humor as I do, you have to. Not everybody gets the joke. I too get 8 hours of sleep and it is sooo a must. I always feel like I'm spread too thin but I kind of like it that way. My biggest problem is I'm the only avid reader in my house. My daughter used to read but she's been stolen by You-tube, so no one really gets me around here. I have two completed manuscripts and not one member of my family, including the hubby, will read it. I'd hold it against them, but they don't read anything else either. Yeah-I'm living with those people. Okay-now I'm depressed. I feel so alone. *sigh* Okay- I feel so much better now that I got that out. Thanks Elana;)

Kristin said...

Hey, I'm all about getting enough sleep. Nothing wrong with that. ;)

Jonathon Arntson said...

I'm not sure if this is the time to tell you that I am in fact not human.

Are we still the same?

lisanowak said...

I know what it's like to have people expect too much of you. Or at least to have them think you have some super skills that makes everything easier for you. They use that to excuse their own lack of effort and ambition. I don't care what they do with their own lives, but I hate when they sell short the effort I put in and the angst I have to survive.

Jennie Englund said...

I think all those flaws just make us love you more!

Annette Lyon said...

It's nice to see someone else human too. :) Sometimes people assume I "do it all," and then I feel guilty for knowing secretly that my basement's a wreck and (fill in the blank with a multitude of other things).

(Oh, and Dec is my b-day month too! Yay for Christmas babies!)

The Golden Eagle said...

I'm socially awkward as well. I often laugh the wrong way . . .

I was born in December! Right next to Christmas.

Anita Saxena said...

Thank you for this reminder that apparently people forget. I am human and not a machine. I hate, HATE being treated like a machine.

Anita Saxena said...

Thank you for this reminder that apparently people forget. I am human and not a machine. I hate, HATE being treated like a machine.

LReneeS said...

We should definitely have a part when you have that many followers!:)

You're invited to read about the magic.
www.themagiciansseries.blogspot.com

Hope to see you there and since you have such a large audience and you stand out so much more on blogger than me it'd be great if you could PLEASE help me spread the word. Thanks Elana. You've always helped me with writing:D

Karen Akins said...

Hrmmm...As the former 9th grade typing champion of my junior high, I still think you might be secretly siphoning hours away from my clock while I sleep. hee hee.


But seriously, I hope no one has been dissing you in a real way. I very much appreciate how much you've given back to the writing community. And I firmly believe the "doing it all" myth is just that. A myth.

Jo Schaffer said...

It's tough being awesome, because then everyone expects you to be all of the time. (=

Tahereh said...

i absolutely adore you.

<3

Jamie Grey said...

Yay for us socially awkward folks! I'm glad to know one of my idols also has the same prob :)

I never know what to say or how to say it, and thus stress any time I have to be "on". At least my characters like me!

It's good to be human :)

L. E. Neighbour said...

I type too fast too. True story, there was this guy I chatted with online who was scared to meet me IRL because he was afraid my tongue moved as fast as my fingers (it doesn't). He calls me fire fingers.
I also recently had a friend tell me I was as close to superhuman as he knew. What? He's crazier than I am!
I, too, am human. Not necessarily a normal human, but a human nonetheless. And, sorry, nothing close to superhuman ;)

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