Here's some of my favorite stuff about him.
1. He thinks the television (producers, actors, directors, I'm not really sure) industry has a commercial conspiracy against him. Personally. Because all the stations go to commercial at the same time. He loathes commercials. I'm not sure that's a strong enough word for how he feels about commercials. But a commercial conspiracy? Whatev.
2. He can make up lyrics to any song at any time in any situation. He plays the guitar and sings to his class at the end of every school year. Last year he did "One More Minute" by Weird Al Yankovic. He changes the words to education stuff. Here's a snippet:
I'd rather rip out my intestine with a penAnd you should have seen him perform it. It was hil-freaking-arious.
Than have you in my room ever again
I'd rather staple my fingers in the floor
Again, and again, and again, and again, and again
Oh, can't you see what I'm trying to say kiddies
I'd rather have my brain fried by your questions
Shove a ruler under a toenail or two
I'd rather clean out the upstairs faculty bathroom with my tongue
Than spend..one more minute...with you.
Yes, I'd rather dive naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks
Or stick my nostrils together with Elmer's glue
I'd rather dive into a garbage can filled with last week's leftovers from the lunchroom
Than spend...one more minute...with you.
3. We can perform an episode of Seinfeld before it airs. He always gets the best lines and I'm left laughing while trying to say mine. It's totally not fair.
4. He always says he can learn to do anything in three days. Watching Michael Phelps swim in the Olympics. "Give me three days," DH says. Dancing with the Stars, the quickstep. "Three days, I could do that." He's sorta like that dad on My Big Fat Greek Wedding who challenges everyone to tell him a word and he'll show you how it came from the Greeks. Yeah, that's my DH. He almost dares us to give him something he can't do in three days. The convo goes something like this:
Son: Fly an airplane.I spewed Ginger Ale that day.
DH: Done that.
Daughter (she's 4): Um...waddle like a penguin.
DH: Three days.
Son: Win the Australian Open.
DH: Give me something hard.
So I say: Write a book.
He rolls eyes eyes, scoffs, and says, "Please. I could do that in one day."
It was a good day.