Thursday, December 31, 2009

They're Tagging Me Right Now

Final post! Check this post for cheating links. The questions are coming tomorrow!!

21) Where do you get your ideas for your characters?

Real life.

22)Do you ever write based on your dreams?

I deprive myself of sleep to the extent that I don’t remember any of my dreams.

23) Do you favor happy endings?

No way.

24) Are you concerned with spelling and grammar as you write?

Spelling, yes. Grammar – uh, what’s grammar?

25) Does music help you write?

“Help” isn’t the right word. I listen to music all the time. Writing, not writing, revising, editing, farming, cooking, cleaning, all of it. Silence smothers me. Except while sleeping, then if it's not silent, holy brown cows. Watch out. Dragon awakening.

26) Quote something you've written. Whatever pops in your head.

“What’s wrong with him?”
“How would I know?” I asked. “Do I look like a doctor?”

And thus ends the tag madness. Oh. My. Heck. I just realized something! I have Tags in my book! And they're capitalized and very, very Bad. But now I have a title for this post. It's a line from my book. *grin*

Ahem. Like you care. But it was a brainwave for me.

Anyway, questions up tomorrow. Comments today get you an extra entry.

Happy New Year's Eve!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

You're Tagalicious

It's my blog and I can make words up if I want to.

Part Three:

14) What's everyone else's favorite story you've written?


15) Ever written romance or angsty teen drama?

Ohhhh, yeaaahhh. I love angsty teen anything.

16) What's your favorite setting for your characters?

Well, see, I like to make my characters run. Through deserts. Across vast snow-filled plains. Over lakes. If they’re not running from one place to another, I don’t quite know how to write. (ROTFL!)

17) How many writing projects are you working on right now?

None. Okay, that’s not entirely true. I subbed my revisions, so I’m not working on those. I’m submitting ideas to Booksta, so I’m not writing anything new. I should be editing another novel (Elemental Hunger), but I’m not feeling like I care right now.

Lazy, I know. Maybe tomorrow, I'll be working on EH. But maybe not. I'm a mystery like that.

18)Have you ever won an award for your writing?

CI made it to the semi-finals in the ABNA contest last year.

19) What are your five favorite words?

“I can now offer representation.”

20) What character have you created that is most like yourself?

Penelopie. She's smart and quick, but unsure sometimes. She needs an anchor. But when she makes up her mind, watch out.

I'm sorta like that.

Feel left out? Wondering why this tag thingy started on #14? No, I didn't reorganize the numbering system -- but that would be cool. Check this post for deets. Comment. Friday's coming! And think of what an awesome way to start 2010 it would be to have 25 bones and a wicked kewl title!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Hey, You Left the Tag On...

Have no idea what I'm barking about? Read yesterday's post.

On to part two!

8) How often do you get writer's block?

Every freaking day.

9) Write fan fiction?

I had to go look it up. So no.

10) Do you type or write by hand?

Both. I’ve written entire novels by hand. I do almost all of my editing/revising by hand. But I've written like 12 novels in two years. And no one does that by hand, so it's a fair assessment to say I do a lot of typing too.

11) Do you save everything you write?

Yes. *nervously looks around* You mean people don't?

12) Do you ever go back to an idea after you've abandoned it?

Yes. And no. Depends on how far I made it before the abandonment. And if my characters will forgive me long enough for me to start over. ;-)

13)What's your favorite thing you've ever written?

Well, I have this scene in CONTROL ISSUES where Vi controls Jag without any brainwashing abilities… It’s pretty kewl.

***This is part two in a four-day contest. Questions coming on Friday! Remember that commenting on any post this week adds an entry to the pool (if you get the answers right. But let's face it people, who's NOT going to get the answers right?? I'm not like the Mariana Trench or anything).

Happy Tuesday!

Monday, December 28, 2009

Red Tag Contest

Okay, so I was tagged by the fabulous Danyelle.

But I hate long posts. I hate reading them, and I hate writing them. And that tag thingy has like 26 questions! So, just because I'm the queen around here, I'm breaking it up into four posts.

And taking it a step further. That's right, we're talking contest.

I'm going to give you all the answers. Or at least I have in past posts. And on Friday, I'm going to ask a few choice questions. Like one of those Facebook quizzes: "How well do you know Elana Johnson?"

Check this page on my website for cheats. And you might want to skim some of my latest Facebook statuses. (Is statuses a word? Or is it statusi? Hmm...)

And let's start the taggage!

1)What's the last thing you wrote? What's the first thing you wrote that you still have?

The last thing I wrote is the beginning of a new novel. 1500 words in, and I’m not feeling like hitting delete. A small miracle.

The first thing I wrote is a book I still have on my hard drive. I started rewriting it from blank pages in September, but had to stop to revise.

2) Write poetry?

Absolutely not.

3)Angsty poetry?


4)Favorite genre of writing?

YA of all kinds, but absolute fave is dystopian.

5)Most annoying character you've ever created?

Annoying character? I love all my characters! But probably Thane. He’s more in the category of Evil with a capital E, though. Not necessarily annoying. But he does annoy…


6) Best plot you've ever created?

Well, the one for CONTROL ISSUES is pretty cool, I think… I mean, what’s better than breaking through a brainwashing barrier and telling the Thinkers to get stuffed?

7) Coolest plot twist you've ever created?

Well, if I told you I’d have to kill you. *wink, wink*

Okay, I hope you're taking notes! Friday will be the day with all the questions.

And oh! The prize? Besides complete bragging rights and the title of Elana Johnson Know-It-All (Do you think Russell would pay ten grand for that title??), you could earn yourself a $25 gift certificate to

How? Well, you gotta answer the questions right on Friday. But every comment will earn you another entry. If you wanna follow the blog or tweet or blog about it or friend me on Facebook, we'll just call those added bonuses. I'm nowhere bright enough to keep track of those kind of entries. Hey... that could be a question...


Wednesday, December 23, 2009

2009: A Good Year

Dear 2009,

You've been good to me. I laughed. I cried. I whined. I chatted. I critiqued. I wrote. I jumped off the ledge a lot. And every moment was worth it.

I wrote three books, one completely by hand. Another on the computer. One in ebook format. And I finished a fourth novel, one that was born in 2008, but that you helped me "grow up."

I queried. Oh, how I queried. And I cried. And laughed. And squeed. And whined. And chatted. And jumped. And every moment was worth it.

Because I signed.

I revised. Oh, how I revised. The last quarter of this year has seen my MS grow and grow and grow until I can't even believe it's the same book I queried.

I blogged. Dude, I can blog. Not only for QueryTracker, but here too. Every day. Five days a week. Very few breaks. I read blogs. Commented on blogs. Followed blogs. Thank you, 2009 for an amazing year of new bloggy friends--321 of them, all from this year. In fact, I had to create a new list just for them. It grows daily. I smile. And read.

Next year is sure to be just as awesome. I look forward to conferences, submissions, reading amazing books, meeting online friends and leaving reviews.

Yes, 2009, you read that right. I know I haven't left a single review this year for any of the books you blessed me with. Even though I said I would. Even though I thought about it. But next year is my year. I'm going to leave reviews for every book I read on Amazon or Goodreads.

It's one thing I can do that I'm not doing now. (And really, 2010, with everything else you hold, one more thing is probably all I can handle.)

Thanks, 2009, for the excellentness you were.



Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Some Year-End Loose Ends

I've got a few things to take care of before I officially begin my Christmas vacay tomorrow. No, I'm not going anywhere. It's all mental, baby.

First, I've received some blog awards! Thanks so much to Shelli Johannes at Market My Words. She gave me the Helpful Blogger award.

I'm giving it to Casey McCormick (Literary Rambles) and Steph Bowe (Hey! Teenager of the Year).

Marybeth Smith gave me this:

It has rules (I have to list 7 things about myself and pass it along to 7 people), but I'm ignoring them. I sorta feel like I bare my soul on every post as it is.

I'm giving it to Lisa Amowitz, Tere Kirkland, Roni Griffin, Tess Hilmo, Angie Lofthouse, Melanie Avila, and Indigo Ravenwood.

Tara McClendon gave me the Blogging Writer Award.

I can do whatever I want with it. (No, really. It has no rules. But Elizabeth Spann Craig came up with it.)

I'm giving it to Katie Ganshert, Jessica Nelson, Suzy Hayze and Paul Greci.

Second, I sent off my revisions for my novel even though Booksta won't be in the office until January 4. And let me tell you, I've lost about 1000 pounds since Monday. The Revision Diet. Try it. Or don't.

But a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Now I'm free to edit yet another book. And, shhh, don't tell anyone, but I might start my next project. Or I might not. But tomorrow, I'm definitely sleeping in.

And eating pie. And ham. And singing Christmas songs and watching Christmas movies. And wrapping presents. And going to the post office again. And, and, and...

What do you have to finish up before you can enjoy your holidays?

Monday, December 21, 2009

Official Kissing Day

Okay, so everyone should be all over this. I read about it last week on Katie Ganshert's blog. I guess you're supposed to post a kissing scene from something you wrote. If you're not a writer (gasp!), post your favorite kissing scene.

See why I like this? I mean, kissing. Ahem.

So here's a scene from a novel I wrote this year. It's called Dying to Live. And see this girl, she can feel death. Usually hers. But this time, she thinks it's her "boyfriend's" (they're really just Servant partners masquerading as a couple) turn to kick it. So she's been bawling. And now she's in the bathroom with her bf's "sister."

A knock at the door has us both jumping. She throws me a glance before opening it.
Blake stands in the hall, a dark storm cloud I want to wrap my arms around. “Hey, Cheryl. When did you get here?” He looks at Nora—right in her eyes.
“Just a few minutes ago. Nora was helping me with my makeup. How do I look?”
Blake hesitates, still watching Nora. She’s stuffing jars of makeup in a black case and won’t meet his eye.
“You look beautiful,” he finally says. He reaches toward me and I gladly slip my fingers between his. He plants a kiss on my temple. “Are you ready?” He studies me closer. “Have you been crying?”
The answer to both questions is yes, but I don’t want to say it.
“Nora, I need to talk to Cheryl for a minute. Tell Mom we’ll be right there, will you?”
“Don’t take too long. She’s freaking that we haven’t left yet.”
“You’re the one camped out in the bathroom doing your makeup.”
Nora flounces down the hall without a reply. Blake pulls me  into his bedroom. I’ve been in here a lot, so it’s nothing romantic or anything. His bed is made. His clothes are hung neatly in the closet. The desk practically has chalk outlines for where things belong. Mr. Organized.
“So tell me why you’ve been crying.” He hasn’t let go of my hand yet.
“Just something with my host family,” I say, trying to shrug it off.
He waits for more. He’s not going to get it.
“I can read the report when I file it,” he threatens.
“Okay.” If he knows about the looming appointment with my dad, he doesn’t spill. If he knows how much I want to kiss him, he doesn’t let it show on his face. “Let’s just go, okay? I don’t want your mom mad at me.”
“Can you still feel it?” he asks, his mouth barely moving.
In a bold gesture, I run my finger up his forearm, imagining I can feel the thin scars from his past life. I clasp my hands behind his neck at the same time he puts his hands on my waist. This is how we danced at Homecoming last week. This is how I always want him to hold me.
“Yeah, I can still feel it. It’s stronger here. It’s so loud. I’m…”
He pauses, and we’re breathing the same air again. In and out, in and out.
“I’ll protect you,” he says.
I want to tell him that it’s not me, it’s him, but I don’t have the chance.
Because he’s closing the distance between us and then we’re kissing kissing kissing.

I hope you participate! If you do, leave me a link so I can go read your mistletoe-inspired post on Kissing Day!

Friday, December 18, 2009

Catching Up...Or Not

Just when you think you've caught up, life has a way of throwing you back down on the mat and laughing at you.

I can't catch up with the social networking racehorse.

There will always be one more blog I should be reading. Usually one that everyone else in the known universe knows about, but somehow, I don't.

There will always be one more person to follow on twitter or friend on Facebook. Just when I think I've stalked all the writing lists and added everyone there is, I find more.

There will always be one more amazing book to read. Another author to follow/read about/know.

Always. One. More.

I have to know her, and her, and him, and hey she's amazing! And oh my heck, she sold her book to HarperCollins! And I need to follow her and tweet to him and and and--

I feel like I'm not doing enough. Yet at the same time, I feel like I'm doing so freaking much.

It's enough to make you explode.

And another thing: I don't have one yet, but today is Editor Appreciation Day, and I just wanna say "Yay!" to editors. Happy Editor Appreciation Day! If you want to read all the amazing love for editors, I believe Gretchen McNeil is hosting the official list on her blog.

And one more thing: Suzette Saxton is going to be unveiling a pretty cool feature on on Monday. It's totally related to social networking and hopefully will make finding other authors on Facebook, twitter, blogs and websites easier and faster. QT isn't just for queries anymore, my friends. So go to the main site (it's free!) and update your profiles with all your social networking sites--and your genre preferences. Then watch the QT blog on Monday, December 21 (kissing day! Visit Katie Ganshert's blog for that info.).

How about you? How are you feeling about life right now? Totally overwhelmed? Ready for the holidays? The new year? Need a vacay from your life? We can pack together. Mentally, I'm already there.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Random Importantness

Okay, so I've got to clear some of the clutter in my head. Here's what I've got going on in there.

1. I'm typing this on my work computer (hey, it's lunchtime) and the stupid scroll button on my mouse isn't working. So I have to go over to the scroll bar to move down or up. And do you know how much time that adds to my blog reading? Do you? Let's just say this: a lot.

Status: Annoyed.

2. I can't believe Pandora only allows me to listen for 40 hours a month. Yeah, my time was up on the 12th. The 12th people. So I spent 3+ hours on Sunday trying to get my iTunes from my old mac to my new HP. And yes, I have two email accounts on Pandora (cuz 80 hours ought to be enough, right?) but Pandora is smart and won't let me use a different account on the same computer.

Status: Grr...

3. So Pandora is on right now. And I've got all my blogs open for the afternoon reading time. Problem? Someone has music on their blog. And I can't hear my Glee song. I have to hit mute. And that annoys me.

Status: *When is Christmas vacation?*

4. It's my girl kidlet's birthday today. She's five, which is both good and bad. It's good because she's so fun now that I can understand everything she says and she can do so much for herself. It's bad because she's 6 1/2 years younger than my son (I only have two kidlets) and now that she's five people think they have the right to ask me if I'm going to have more. Um, you know what? None of your beeswax.

Status: Chocolate. I need chocolate. Cake will do. This is her birthday cake. I made it myself. Hours, people. It took hours.

5. While we're on the topic of blogs, I don't like the ones that surprise you with the word verification after you've typed your comment and hit "submit comment." Just when I think I'm done, no! I have to type another word. And that's precious seconds. So if you could change that on yours, I'd appreciate it. kthxbai.

Status: Chomping on cake.

6. I'm sick. And while I'm not as miserable as I've been at other times in my life, I wish I could lay in bed with Pirates of the Caribbean on all day and have someone bring me things to eat. Because there's nothing I love more than eating food someone else cooked off dishes someone else will clean up. Sadly, I'm the cook and the maid at my house.

Status: Is it Friday yet?

What have you got on your mind right this second that you need to unload? We know it's random. We know it's important. So just say it.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Have Not Written a Single Word

Since November 15. That's right, in over 30 days. I've been editing and revising like crazy. My second novel, ELEMENTAL HUNGER, is undergoing a major makeover. And I'm not like Kurt on Glee who thinks makeovers are like crack.

More like cold-water torture. Self-inflicted, because I wrote the novel so suckily (it's my blog and I say it's a word) the first time. In fact, I have since realized why it's not as polished as some of my other third drafts.

It's a NaNo novel.

2008, to be exact. And I "finished" it earlier this year. The last 100 pages are in far (far far) better shape than the first 200. Why?

Because I wrote them over a span of two months instead of two weeks.

Go figure.

So, I solemnly resolve to get this bad boy whipped into shape.

Problem? I have a shiny new idea that wants to be written. And since I haven't penned any new words in such a long time, my resolve to revise EH is waning.

How long has it been since you've written? Do you miss it when you don't write? What keeps you from writing?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Why I Keep Writing

Okay, so I titled this post over the weekend, and as I sit down to write it, I cannot think of a single thing.

So I started writing. I emerged from the dark. I'm happy now. Even in "dark" times, I am nowhere near the kind of blackness I once was. Thankfully. that I'm a writer, why do I keep writing?


Because I like it?


*still thinking*

*more thinking*

*frantically trying to think of a different blog topic*

*scanning over what I've already written, finger hovering over the delete key*

Oh, my gosh! I already answered it!!

Why do I keep writing?

Because I'm a writer. (Man, I am a genius at this moment. *snarf*)

Now that you've started writing, why do you keep writing?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Why I Started Writing

Christmas and the end of the year always have me contemplating my life. So since you're all privy to the inner workings of my mind, you get to come along for the journey.

Today: Why I Started Writing.

Disclosure: I'm not someone who's always wanted to be a writer. When I was growing up, I didn't feel this desire to pen words. In fact, I abhorred English classes and opted out of them my senior year. I went into Chemistry as a freshman in college. English? Writing? Humanities? A big fat "no thank you."

I think this is like, one of the seven deadly sins or something, so if you want to stop reading here, feel free.

But anyway, I didn't want to be a writer. I wanted to teach. You see, I had imagination. I spent hours making the roll for my "class." I wrote kids' names on the board. I gave grades. I was born to be a teacher.

And I am.

It's awesome. I love it.

So fast forward to Thanksgiving, 2007. Well, okay, back up a bit. The August before that I suffered a horrific personal loss.

And I disappeared.

I got up each day and got the kids ready for school. I went to work. I existed. But only in shades of gray, in world with no color, no emotion, no nothing. If you ask me what happened during those four months, I can't tell you.

I was alive, but not living.

My husband would ask me how my day was (as he knew I wasn't whole, but didn't know how to put all my broken pieces back together), and I'd simply look at him. I had no words. Because it was just another day and I had made it through.

So Thanksgiving came. I was going to be 30 in two weeks, so I decided to sit down and write my personal life history (cuz I'm into family history and stuff). And I found that when I sat at the computer and poured words onto the screen, I could live.

Really live.

And so I finished my personal history of the first 30 years of my life and immediately opened a new document and began writing another story.

And thus, how I started writing.

Because I don't do anything halfway, I've since determined that I want to be a published author. And so I'm pursuing that.

But you know what? No matter what happens in 2010, no matter if I get a book deal or I don't, I know one thing.

I am already a successful writer. Because writing provided a light in a dark dark place when I couldn't find the exit.

And that's better than a book deal.

But I'll take a book deal too, pretty please. *wink*

So, my dearest readers and beloved friends, why did you start writing?

Friday, December 11, 2009

My Agent Is Like...

...The best birthday present ever. That's right, it's my birthday today. I' year older than I was last year. And apparently I like ellipses.

Anyway, I'm dedicating my birthday post to my agent, Michelle Andelman aka Booksta (Dawg, don't remember the gangsta names? Check 'em out, yo).

In fact, today a bunch of agented authors are dedicating their posts to their agents (a great idea generated by the fabulous Kody Keplinger). Because they're A) people too and B) work pretty dang hard in behalf of their authors and C) get trashed pretty much everywhere.

But not today, my feathered friends. Not. Today. Because it's Unofficially Official Agent Day. (Try to wrap your head around that.)

So in keeping with my lists this week, I've compiled a few things that make Michelle Andelman worthy to have an agent gangsta name.

1. In the month we've been working together, she's already made me laugh out loud three times. And just through email. And that's impressive, my friends. I'm not just handing out laughs for free. Oh, no.

2. She's got her finger on the pulse of publishing. So really, I have like, this IV I can tap into anytime I want. And I love that. Because, frankly, sometimes I have to check myself and make sure I haven't flatlined yet.

3. Her positivity is infectious. And I mean "infectious" in a good way, not the H1N1 kind.

4. She is lightning fast in both reading and responding. And when you have lightning on your side, what else do you need?? Srsly. That's like commanding the universe or something.

So give it up for Booksta! (Or should I call her The Paperback Kid? Oooh, I kinda like that... Thoughts?)

And then go check out what my agency sisters have to say about Michelle.
Kirsten Hubbard
Kristin Botts
Shari Green

Jennifer Chen

Check out these other authors who have shown the love.
Lisa and Laura Roecker adore Catherine Drayton
Kody Keplinger and Sarah Frances Hardy show the love for Joanna Stampfel-Volpe
Christine Fonseca high-fives Krista Goering
Mary Lindsey dishes about Joan Paquette
Suzette Saxton tells us about Brendan Deneen
Bethany Wiggins gives it up for Marlene Stringer
Gretchen McNeil is infatuated with Ginger Clark
Shelli Johannes-Wells and Kristina McBride write sweet nothings about Alyssa Eisner Henken
Katie Anderson gushes about Cheryl Pientka
Julia Karr and Carrie Harris and Kiki Hamilton are hilariously in love with Kate Shafer Testerman
Scott Tracey sings the praises of Colleen Lindsay
Kiersten White tells us why Michelle Wolfson rules
Susan Adrian relishes in the joy with Janet Reid
Stephanie Burgis buddies up to Barry Goldblatt
Irene Latham hands out the hugs to Rosemary Stimola
Victoria Schwab presents the trophy to Amy Tipton
Andrea Cremer hands out the love to Charlie Olsen
Tabitha Olson brags about Andrea Cascardi
Jennifer Hubbard makes it all about Nathan Bransford
Kristin Miller types the praises of Suzie Townsend

And Lisa and Laura are compiling the whole list over on their blog (check the comments). So go check that out.

Yo. EJ-Jamma, out.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Getting Critiqued Is Like...

...Flinging yourself out of a fast-moving airplane wearing only a parachute your novice boyfriend packed. That's right. ONLY the parachute. ;-P

*Insert own ending here*

That's me and my group. We are gorgeous. We dive out of planes on a bi-monthly basis. It is awesome.

My Getting Critiqued Toolkit:
1. Cheerios (for crying into)
2. Dragon hide
3. Twisted Sister
4. A strong sense of your story
5. Stock in Trust Your Gut, Inc.

How do you handle critiques? What's in your getting critted toolkit?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Querying Is Like...

...Asking the cutest guy in school for a date, being laughed at by him and his horde of teammates and then having your picture defaced in the school yearbook by said jockaholic.

Just. Like. That.

My Querying Toolkit:
1. Supportive writerly friends (preferably on gmail so I can whine chat with them on a whim)
2. Reese's peanut butter cups and French's French fried onion thingies (chocolate + fried food = snack of champions. Er...queryers. Should that be an i? Queriers? They're both freaking me out.)
3. A new writing project (but who are we kidding??)
4. Home remodeling (or some other task that you normally abhor. Hey, it actually makes querying better, if you can believe it)

How have you endured querying? What's in your query toolkit?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Revising Is Like...

...Pulling out your teeth, rearranging them and then putting them back in your mouth, hopefully in a better position than they were in before. If they fit. The ones that don't? Well, you just toss those ones down the disposal and turn it on, of course.

And you know, that hurts.

Good thing I like gum pain.

My Revising Toolkit:
1. Pandora
2. Pens (okay, I use markers. pink markers) and a printed copy of my MS
3. Ginger ale and bubblicious
4. Farmville and CafeWorld

What's revising like for you? What's in your toolkit?

Monday, December 7, 2009

Writing Is Like...

...Getting in a car when you don't really know where you're going, but you have a credit card with no limit, "the mutha" of Squirt mixed with grape flavoring, and the feeling that you're going to arrive somewhere awesome.

With the top down.

Oh yeah.

Like that.

My Writing Toolkit:
1. Laptop
2. Notebook and pen
3. Pandora (or iTunes) and a good set of sound-canceling headies

What's writing like for you? What's in your writing toolkit?

Friday, December 4, 2009

'Fess Up Friday

Okay, so my inbox is cursed. Maybe yours is too. Mine's got this weird virus that's keeping all the important emails out. Like it's killing them off or something.

I've been standing in the shower for a few extra minutes lately, mentally pep-talking myself into checking my email. "This is it. You're gonna have the best email ever today. The best. Ev. Er. Get out of the shower already."

So I get out of the shower. Get dressed. Take a deep, cleansing breath and open the Internet browser.


I have 34 emails!

All from Facebook. It's how I get email.

Hey, it's better than nothing, right? At least that's what I've been telling myself.

My name is Elana Johnson, and I make sure my inbox is full by participating on Facebook. *cheers, applause, knowing looks from fellow Facebook Anonymous members*

What's your dirty little secret? I know you have one. Tell...tell...

Thursday, December 3, 2009

New Moon Reflections

You knew it was coming. My discussion of New Moon. Yes, I went at midnight (12:01 AM actually) on opening day/night/whatever. No, it wasn't my favorite movie.

And no, I'm not going to discuss why. No, today I want to talk about the actors. Well, really just one: Kristen Stewart.

I'll just be upfront: she drives me a little batty. Here's why. Occasionally, I watch the late shows. And by "occasionally" I mean I watch them when my husband has already watched them, decided something is worthy for me to see, DVR's it and then nags me to watch it for a few days.

Thus, how I saw Rob P., Kristen S. and Taylor L. on The Jimmy Kimmel Show.

One word: Hilarious. I hope you saw it. Really funny. Well, Jimmy was. Even Rob gave me a laugh (when he said he thought having a pre-pubescent girl's body would be sufficient, I snarfed and then rewound so I could snarf again). Taylor is by far the most normal of that trio.

And that brings me to Kristen. So she's on the show, promoting the movie. Promoting herself. And what does she say? "I'm a loser and very boring."

I was like, "Really? That's what you're going to say about yourself? On a promotional show? For realz?"

I mean, seriously. I know we've talked about self-confidence and over-confidence on this blog before, but come on. I don't want to hear her call herself a loser. Cuz you know what? Now my suspicions of her loserdom have been confirmed--from her own mouth.

So again, dear writer friends, where's the line? That one between "I am the greatest person on the planet and I'm just a normal person, but hey I'm pretty great at this writing thing." Or acting. Or drawing. Or whatever.

Help a sister out. I don't think Kristen has it right, and I'm wondering where "it" is. Thoughts? About Kristen, Rob (and how he's not really supporting the Edward team), Taylor, or New Moon in general? Be nice now...

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Since I'll Never Be On Oprah

I have to admit, I'm a bit sad that Oprah will be quitting in 2011. I mean, think of all of us that won't be able to be on her show! Okay, I've never really thought I was "Oprah material", but still. It is a little depressing.

How are we going to know what to buy people for Christmas? How are we going to know which books to read? How are we going to know anything anymore??


So in honor of Oprah leaving (I know, I know, 2011 is so far away. But not really. I mean, it's almost 2010! Ack!), I'm going to go all Oprah on you.

No really. You think Oprah's the only one who can ask questions? The only one who can get a thoughtful discussion going? Well, okay, maybe that last one is a stretch for this blog.

But seriously. I'm Oprah today. And you're my guest. Imagine you've been in hair and makeup for three hours. The crowd of women is going completely crazy. I've got footage of your hometown, your job, your car, the whole she-bang. (Wow, what a great word. Must jot down...) And I'm calling your name and you're walking out and the lights are so so bright and there's screaming and you're waving with both hands, this huge Chesire grin on your face... Ahhh, are you with me? We're on Oprah.

Oprah/Elana: So, tell me about your book.

You: (fill in silence. There really can't be any silence during the show.)

Oprah/Elana: What prompted you to write this book?

You: . . .

O/E: So what do you do when you're not writing?


O/E: What do you hope to accomplish with this book?


O/E: What are you planning to work on next?


O/E: Thanks for joining us today. We'll be right back.

FIVE MINUTES LATER (if you use a Spongebob voice, this is really funny. Just sayin'. Don't watch Spongebob? You = deprived.)

O/E: We want to thank you for joining us today. Here's what's happening on the Oprah show tomorrow. (fade to clip)

And now you can breathe again. But couldn't you so see yourself on Oprah? Yeah? Me too. But that's as close as we're going to get. She's quitting in 2011! Dudes. Yeah, just yeah.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Yeah, I Failed NaNo

So sue me.

Since I didn't win, I feel like I have to justify what I did with my time in November. Just for kicks:

1.  I did write just over 25,000 words.
2.  I signed with my dream agent.
3.  I completed revisions for said agent.
4.  I made six chocolate pies.
5.  I cooked a turkey without filling the house with smoke.
6.  I entertained people at my house for two days. Small house + Seven extra people + 48 hours + no deaths = major success.

And that doesn't even take into account my day job, my real life with two kids and/or grocery shopping and bill paying and all that other jazz.

So November wasn't a complete failure. Right? Right.

What have you been up to? Was your November successful? In what way?

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