How Do You Know?

Okay, so when I went to type in this title, I'd already blogged it once. So I sort of had a mini-freak-out, but decided to write this post before I even went to look at the other one. You never know, right?

Today I wanted to answer a question I seem to get asked a lot: How do you know?

When you get feedback from a critique partner, how do you know if it's something you should do or not?

How do you know when you're finished with your novel? With your query letter?

How do you know which agent to query?

How do you know if you're doing the right thing? On the right path?

My answer: Author confidence.

I think it all comes down to how confident you are as an author. If you get notes back from a CP, and they "sound" right, they're probably right. You gotta trust your gut.

You know you've finished a novel when you've written it the best you can. How do you know when that is? Author confidence. For me, it's the point when I go, "Well, I've read this $&%(#*! thing forty thousand times. This is as good as it gets without help."

Then I subject other people to reading for me, to spot the problems I've somehow missed.

I think almost any question with the words "How do you know?" can be answered with author confidence. Listen to your gut. And trust yourself.

So, how do you know? Do you have author confidence? Do you trust your gut?

And here's my first How Do You Know? post. Interesting.

You Can Do This

So it's winter now. When I wake up, it's dark. By 5:00 PM, it's dark. It's freezing cold all the time. I already want spring to come (I'm not what you'd call a winter person.)

I've noticed I've been in a bit of a funk, and that quite a few other people have been as well. Doubts are high. Confidence is low. Winter doesn't help. Neither does pounding out a billion words for NaNo. Or getting rejected up one side and down the other.

Trust me, I've been there. I know how hard it is. I developed a whole motto for these horrible, wallowing times. But this post isn't about that.

No matter what else you read today, I want you to read this: You can do this. Say it to yourself. Maybe out loud (check for loitering co-workers first). Make a sign and hang it on your wall of awesome. Whatever.

Just know that you can do this.

That is all.

How's your confidence right now? Do you need a booster of you're awesome!? I've got the syringes all lined up...

Getting to 100%, Part Two

Okay, so a couple of weeks ago (was it really only a couple of weeks ago? Feels like a lot longer than that), I blogged about getting to 100%.

It sparked some interesting comments and a few of you tackled the issue on your own blogs. I'm going to elaborate a bit further.

Some of you said you didn't think you could get to 100%. I disagree (don't get all riled up -- read on). Because it's not about the writing. Take it from someone who did multiple rounds of revisions before going out on submission. Or from someone (who shall remain nameless) who has to do multiple rounds of edits for their editor.

Sure, the writing has to be good. The story original. The characters well-developed.

But that's not what I mean by getting to 100%.

That's an emotional state. You must absolutely get yourself to the 100% belief that your query and manuscript are as good as they need to be to land an agent or a book deal.

That's the 100% I'm talking about. That belief will give you the confidence you need when the rejections come. You'll be able to say, "Well, s/he wasn't the agent for me." and you'll keep querying and submitting until you find the one that IS for you.

It's emotional.

You'll be able to do the rounds of edits, because when you get to 100%, you'll be able to do anything your agent/editor asks of you. Because you're THAT GOOD.

It's emotional.

Please don't misunderstand me. Those close to me know the emotional mess I am 23/7. But for that one last hour, I'm at 100%. And that's when I query, rewrite, edit or read difficult emails.

So what do you think now? Are you an emotional tangle 23/7? Can you get yourself to 100% emotionally for at least a little bit? Lemme know.

Now I Am The Voice

Having a down day? A down month? Wondering if this writing thing is for you? Got too many voices in your head--and I don't mean characters. I mean self-doubt--? Those stinging ones I talked about last week, saying "I can't." or "I'm not good enough." Or whatever.

Try this on for size. (And yes, I cry at this assembly. UVU--a local university--athletes come and present it to schools. I am a baby. Deal with it.)

Now I am the VOICE.
I will LEAD, not follow.
I will CREATE, not destroy.
I am a FORCE for GOOD
I am a LEADER
DEFY the ODDS
Set a NEW STANDARD
Step up

Step up

Step up!

(~Anthony Robbins)

So today, I invite you to silence the stinging voices, and take control. Today, YOU are the VOICE. What will you say?

Breeding Authenticity

All right (ha! Switched it up on ya!), so we've been talking about how to build a better blog. I told you what I've done to attract more readers to my blog.

But really, it all comes down to one thing: authenticity. The ability to make your blog unlike the fifty thousand others that are out there--which I might point out, is something you must do with your writing too.

So let's go.

I've seen some people asking other people for what they'd like to see on Person A's blog. Yeah, that makes sense. Let me clarify. Person A blogs. Asks Persons B - Z what they'd like to see on Person A's blog.

Disclaimer: This is not bad. Remember that it's not all about you.

However, when I see this, little alarms start going off in my head.

Why?

A) YOU should know who your audience is.
B) Once you know who your audience is, YOU should be able to come up with content to please that audience. You shouldn't have to ask.

Disclaimer #2: That doesn't mean you can't, of course. If just means that maybe I think I already know what you want to read here, and so I just do it. Or I figure that if you don't like what you read here, you'll maybe stick around because of my fabulous hair and eventually find something you do like. *wink*

I also think you shouldn't have to ask because of:

1) Confidence. I am insanely confident, this I know (unless you've emailed with me recently, in which case, shutty). I don't have to ask what you guys want to see on my blog, because I'm confident I already know. (And I suppose that if I'm wrong--gasp!--I just figure maybe tomorrow will be the day I'm right. Who knows?)

2) Authenticity. I know who I am. There is no one else like me, and there is no way on this planet that someone could write their blog (or a novel) the way I do.

These two areas are where you need to focus to breed authenticity into your blog (and your writing).

Now before you start bowing down and proclaiming that I'm all that and a bag of chips (which I'm so not), let me relate a story.

About 16 months ago, me and a group of friends started writing for the QueryTracker blog. It was epic. Awesomesauce. But inside I had a swarm of bees stinging me with these words, "You're different. You're no expert. What do you know?"

*sting sting sting*

I'm sure I bored my blog co-authors (who are DOCTORS and LAWYERS) with my whiny emails about how I was nothing.

But really, it came down to this: I am different. And I do know stuff (boy, that sounds so...smart. Ha!).

And the stinging faded into the distance. I can say, "I was nothing," in the past tense. Because I am something now.

I am Elana Johnson.

Who are you? Do you know who you are? Do you have confidence that what you say can NOT be said by someone else? If not, how do you think you gain that confidence? How do you find out who you are? And once you have these two things, does that influence the way you write? (I totally think so, by the way. But maybe that's another post...??)

Queries and Kisses

Okay, so we've gone over how to write a killer query letter.

Now comes the really scary part, people.

Sending it out.

I happen to know for a fact that some of you are terrified of that. And you should be, cuz it's not fun out there in the query trenches. Not fun at all.

So why do we do it?

It's hard. Horrifying. Depressing. You're going to get rejected. Maybe a lot. Maybe a little. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

There's nothing worse than maybe -- which is why people (I'm looking at YOU) don't send out their query.

But if you never send your query letter out, you'll never get a full request. If you never send your query letter out, you'll never get published. If you never send your query letter out, you'll never progress past the point of where you are right this second.

It's sort of like getting that first kiss.

No, really.

If you never go out on a date, you'll never get kissed.

If you never ask someone out, you'll never go on a date.

And that's all the querying process is. It's asking an agent/editor out. Sometimes they say yes. Sometimes they say no. And if they say yes, you're on a little date. You know, a walk in the park. Lunch or something. And if they offer, then it's like the kiss goodnight.

If you've never been "kissed" that doesn't mean you won't be. It doesn't mean you're unkissable. It just means you've got to find that one perfect date. Sometimes it takes a lot of little dates to get to the front porch.

But you'll never see the front porch if you don't send your query letter out.

I know some of you are querying. I know some of you are close. I know some of you aren't querying or close to it. But how do you feel about querying? Are your insides like Jell-O right now? Or have you invested in steel and been coating your nerves in it for a few months? Why do you think you feel that way?

And I'm issuing a challenge to those of you clinging to the query letter fence and not sending it out. SEND IT OUT! Today. This week. At least by the 15th. Get off that fence. Ask that question. Make it to the porch.

**Disclaimer: No literary agents were actually kissed during my time in the query trenches. It's an analogy, people. *wink*

Overconfidence And Other Such Things

Today is an important day for me. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that I've been waiting for October 26 for a while now. During this wait, I've relied pretty heavily on those around me to keep my spirits up.

But as I was thinking the other day, something hit me. Not like a brick or anything, but you know, a deep thought.

I can't remember what sparked it. A blog or an email or a comment somewhere. But I remember thinking, "Oh, I'm gonna make it. That, I'm not worried about."

And as soon as I thought it, my next thought was, "Are you being overconfident?"

And that new thought has been somersaulting in my brain for while. Now, before you think *I* think I'm all that and a bag of chips (ooh! Chips!), I've also had a few emails from people who are just starting to get to know me. One particular email basically said that I'm a tad intimidating. Me! This is not the first time I've heard this, although I'm unsure as to why.

I swear I'm going to link these two random thoughts. So I've been stewing over my confidence issues: Am I overconfident? And the email: You're intimidating. 

And I wonder if they're related.

Does confidence spur intimidation? A dear (dear dear) friend of mine told me that she believes some people may be intimidated by me because I put out the attitude that I will make it in this business. And you know what? She's right. I absolutely 100% believe that I am going to make it. At the same time I don't intend to put people off by acting arrogant or overconfident. I just happen to think I've worked hard, learned a lot from the successes of others, applied what I've learned and that, yeah, eventually, I'll make it. This is something my dad taught me that I'll never lose: If you work hard enough, you can do anything you want. (Thanks, Dad.)

What say you about confidence (too much or not enough), intimidation or anything else?

My Desire to Create

I love making new things. I feel satisfaction when I finish that chocolate pie and it's perfect. Up until very recently, I had a crafting blog. I like to make cards, scrapbook, make personalized notebooks, whatever I feel like. I feel like I accomplished something good when I create.

Of course, recently all of my creation juices have been going toward writing. But, I've recently received an insane number of rejections on my full manuscript. (Not just queries. Query rejections are like a pin prick. Full rejections are like a stab in the stomach. And I've had many. It's a wonder I'm still alive with all this internal bleeding.) It's my first novel, and I've been working on it for 14 months. Sadly, I shelved it yesterday. It seems so final. Like I need to have a funeral or something.

Or maybe a renewal. My good friend, Jenn, posted this on her blog. I think it's what I need to keep myself in the creation vibe.



The first five people to respond to this post will get something from me!

My choice. But for you. Handmade. (And I can wield paper and scissors with flawless ease. I've been known to sew a mean button on, too.)

This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
1: I make no guarantees that you will like what I make.
2: What I create will be just for you.
3: It'll be done this year.
4: You have no clue what it's going to be (nor do I at this point).

If you feel inclined, re-post this on your blog and offer to create something for the first five people who respond. The first five people to leave a comment here will receive a handcrafted something or other.

Confidence for the Upcoming Year

I recently co-authored an article with some writerly friends. One of the points was confidence. My blog chain gang also blogged about confidence. Here's my earlier post, and it's one of my faves. Anything with Seinfeld is bound to be good. The whole chain is uplifting, so if you're looking for some self-confidence this new year, read the chain links and the article. It's a good mantra for life, too, not just writing.

Here's an excellent post by agent Nathan Bransford on confidence (he had me at intestinal fortitude. I mean, if you can use that in a sentence, you are the king or queen of the day in Elana-land. Seriously.) Even though it's almost two years old, every word is as true today as it was then.

Nathan = awesomeness. I love word math just as much as the next geek person.

Confidence...or Maybe Not

I'm back on the blog chain for this post. You can check out the beginning post by Kate, she had some awesome things to say about voting against yourself, even if you think you're totally the best. Archetype blew my socks off with the post of the year, something I printed and will read every day. Then Michelle got my spirits soaring again, just knowing that I'm not the only one who cycles in and out of the whole confidence thang. Then Sandra made sure to remind me to have confidence in other parts of my life, and finally the poster (it has a T, posTer) before me was Abi, and she had some great things to remind yourself of when the Con man comes calling. Check them all out. Oh, and Terri will be up tomorrow, so keep the linkage going.

Here's the question: How, as a writer, do you find the balance between having too much or too little confidence in your work?

I think confidence comes in levels—no, let's go to DreamWorks—layers. (Quick! Name that movie. Gifts at Rally for all who get it right. ) Like onions. Or cakes. Or whatever else you can think of with layers. Confidence is like that.

So what does that mean? Hmm…here's my take.

I have the many faces of Elana. Sometimes I wear the Mom face. Sometimes the teacher face. Sometimes the party girl face. Sometimes the authority face. Sometimes...you get the idea. It's sorta like that Seinfeld where George's worlds collide. Have you seen that one? Elaine invites Susan—George's fiancée—to the museum or something. He's got Relationship George and Independent George. The Independent George will die at the hands of Relationship George as the worlds collide. Wait. How did we get on Seinfeld? Well, since we're there, have a look.



My favorite line: "A George divided against itself, cannot stand!" I so feel like this. We can't be our own worst enemy.

Let's get back on topic. So I've got all these different personas I maintain. Each one has a different layer of confidence. It takes an insane amount of confidence to teach. Not only do I have to know something, I have to believe that I know it so well that I can teach it to you. I have to have the confidence that when I get up in a room of 40 (no, that is not a typo, I have 40 of them at once) 12-year-olds, that what I'm going to say is worth listening to. I have to have the skills to get them to listen to it. The confidence in myself to know that it's worth listening to. That's insane.

I have that confidence. When I go to work, I am the queen.

Other areas of my life, I'm less confident in. Cooking. Uhhh, maybe it'll come out right, maybe it won't. Sewing. I hemmed some pants the other day. Not so even. Crafting—I'm confident in this. I can make a cute card, no problem.

Then there's the whole writing thing. This has been the craziest roller coaster of my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm the awesomest writer on the face of the planet. I've just put my characters in the worst possible situation, and they have no way of getting out. I've tied up all the loose ends (or so I think) and typed THE END at the end. It's phenomenal. Everyone's going to be salivating over it.

Yeah, right.

Those times are good, but they're fleeting. Then the Confidence Annihilator comes in and shatters my carefully constructed fantasy world. He whispers to me that my story isn't good enough. That it's nowhere near as polished as I think it is. That so-and-so's story is so much better, and why are you even trying to do this?

That I can't write.

Worse than that—that I shouldn't.

When I listen to the Confidence Annihilator, the many layers of confidence I've built up crumble. In order to continue writing, my confidence must be rebuilt. This takes time, bolstering from good friends, and the annihilation of the Annihilator. And this is almost as hard as the writing itself. At least for me.

So what do I do?

1. Read good things. Books, articles, magazines, blogs, whatever. Anything to help me keep the writing "bug" in my head—the one that bugs me to write.

2. Put the manuscript away. There's no need to commit manuscript manslaughter during a rebuild of confidence.

3. Vent to my writerly friends. They know. They understand. They uplift. They believe.

4. Listen to music. My favorites during a confidence rebuild? Video by India Arie.

"I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen"

I love that part. Then there's this too. Same song.

"So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right"

I especially love the "love yourself" part.

5. Try something new. This last dip in confidence has been, um, taxing, to say the least. I decided to write by hand instead of on the computer. This has helped me find more confidence in my writing ability.

And so, don't divide yourself against yourself. You cannot stand. The Confidence Annihilator will come, that is inevitable. It's what you do to get rid of him that matters.