I have to admit, I'm a bit sad that Oprah will be quitting in 2011. I mean, think of all of us that won't be able to be on her show! Okay, I've never really thought I was "Oprah material", but still. It is a little depressing.
How are we going to know what to buy people for Christmas? How are we going to know which books to read? How are we going to know anything anymore??
So in honor of Oprah leaving (I know, I know, 2011 is so far away. But not really. I mean, it's almost 2010! Ack!), I'm going to go all Oprah on you.
No really. You think Oprah's the only one who can ask questions? The only one who can get a thoughtful discussion going? Well, okay, maybe that last one is a stretch for this blog.
But seriously. I'm Oprah today. And you're my guest. Imagine you've been in hair and makeup for three hours. The crowd of women is going completely crazy. I've got footage of your hometown, your job, your car, the whole she-bang. (Wow, what a great word. Must jot down...) And I'm calling your name and you're walking out and the lights are so so bright and there's screaming and you're waving with both hands, this huge Chesire grin on your face... Ahhh, are you with me? We're on Oprah.
Oprah/Elana: So, tell me about your book.
You: (fill in silence. There really can't be any silence during the show.)
Oprah/Elana: What prompted you to write this book?
You: . . .
O/E: So what do you do when you're not writing?
O/E: What do you hope to accomplish with this book?
O/E: What are you planning to work on next?
O/E: Thanks for joining us today. We'll be right back.
FIVE MINUTES LATER (if you use a Spongebob voice, this is really funny. Just sayin'. Don't watch Spongebob? You = deprived.)
O/E: We want to thank you for joining us today. Here's what's happening on the Oprah show tomorrow. (fade to clip)
And now you can breathe again. But couldn't you so see yourself on Oprah? Yeah? Me too. But that's as close as we're going to get. She's quitting in 2011! Dudes. Yeah, just yeah.